licksy almost Raised an important question

foxinsocks

What are peoples general attitude nowadays to spanking, or otherwise physically punishing kids?

Is it ok for example to give a quick slap on the rear if your 2 year old runs across the road, or tries to put their hand in the fire? What about if they break your laptop? or stick fish fingers in your DVD player? or draw on the walls?

Is spanking always ok, if done in moderation? or just for specific offenses. And at what point does talking to them prove more effective, if ever?

Speaking personally, as a child, im pretty sure that if i was caught doing something dangerous, like playing with matches, or nearly drinking bleach, it was more effective to get a smack... Doing Dangerous Things = Pain was quickly etched into my mind... I wonder though if i had been punished similarly for doing mischievous things, like the time i poured an entire 2kg box of washing powder down the toilet, would the smack have been as effective...

All that said, im not a parent yet, im (hopefully) four months away from being one, so i dont know how i am going to feel about punishments as a parent just yet.

I would be interested in opinions though, while replying, could you let us know if you're a parent?

Fox_in_Socks
spongebrainpregnantpants

DeVore

spanking as a single pat on the backside to reinforce you're disapproval is one thing. beatings with implements and/or severity is quite another.

I'm not a parent but I remember being hit in school for fighting. The priest punctuated the sentence "you shouldnt hit kids smaller then you" with whacks of the leather. I didnt know the word "Irony" then but it was a good introduction

Kids dont know better, if they wreck your laptop because you left it lying on the table within their reach, its more likely that YOU deserve the *smack*

DeV.

Rev Hellfire

Depends on the age of the child.

As a baby not at all.
As a toddler I think a short smack is fine, I dont buy this wishy washy dublin 4 rubbish about reasoning with a 2-5 year old.
Kids are great manipulaters and if they feel the only outcome of negiative actions is some fool tring to 'reason' with them they'll learn to play that card pretty fast.

Most of society hangs together under threats, the only thing for example stops me from killing about 5 people is the possible punishment if I got caught. If I thought I'd get away with just a stern talk those people can kiss their asses goodbye.

Although fox hitting a 33 year old like noel is uncalled for no matter what he's done.

Hellrazer

Originally posted by DeVore

Kids dont know better, if they wreck your laptop because you left it lying on the table within their reach, its more likely that YOU deserve the *smack*

DeV.

Yep couldnt agree more.My daughter insists on using my Sidewinder as some sort of Star Trek phaser weapon---While its still attached to the PC.
I wouldnt smack her for it though---Even when the Pc flies across the room.

As for smacking children--There are times when no amount of reasoning will calm a 5 year old and a smack lightly will shock them into stopping what ever they are up to.
Its not so much as hurting them more so showing them that you are serious that you want them to stop.
Ah the joys of parenting.........

Foxinsocks-The general rule in my opinion is that you try and reason with a child ie Tell them to stop(About a 100 times)before a smack is necessary!!!!You dont smack for them doing something natural---Being curious etc.Running out on the road is a prime example-How does a child know that a road is dangerous???

But one thing I WILL say is that you WILL know when a child is being out and out bold.

Shiminay

I actually agree with the good Reverend and agree that a short swift slap on the backside at that age is not a bad thing.

If I made a mess of something as a youngfella - I got a smack. I didn't do it again and I soon learned.

Thorbar

Congrats fox didn't know you were expecting. As far as I can remember my parents never slapped me but if I ever did anything wrong I got roared at which had roughly the same affect. I'm not against a light smack on the arse but I can't stand it when I see someone wallop a child full force. I think the most important thing is when you do hit your child you're fully in control and not just losing the rag.

Rev Hellfire

A handy rule of thumb to use is if the chair breaks when your giving a smack then your hitting to hard.

Beruthiel

I disagree 100% with slapping, it is not a necessity and only used by a lazy parent who couldn't be bothered to find an alternative.
It is the parents responsibility to find other methods which work for them.
You never need to slap a child, there are many ways to teach a child to behave, deny them treats, ground them, send them to their room and at all times tell them why you are doing it and that next time it will be double the punishment. The trick is that you must stick to your word, and this is hard work.
If they are in the middle of behaving badly you give them two choices - continue the way you are and you will be punished, or if you stop you get a treat. This method worked amazingly well for me, and still does even after 14 years.

DeVore

My sister does a good job of reasoning (albeit in a firm tone) with her 4 year old.

I dont. If she's climbing on the back of furniture (as she seemingly loves to do!) I just pick her up and deposit her somewhere else. No discussion, no debate (she knows its bold!).

Now I get the pouting lip and I'm Evil Uncle Tom for a while but its water off a ducks back to me and she knows it! It doesnt cut anything with me so it she doesnt continue it for long...

The 1 year-old nephew, I just pick up by the X on the back of his dungarees and deposit him here he has to be. Generally he doesnt mind... if he does he's a lot more intolerable then his sister! Either way, he goes where he has to be, complaints or no complaints

I dont mind talking and reasoning with kids but when you need them to be somewhere (or NOT to be somewhere) then you tell them, and if they dont comply, you simply move them.

Parents who let their kids run around in a pub and tell them "come here come here" and get no response and so do nothing further really aggravate me. Its bad parenting, its bad for the kid and its bad for those around.
Unfortunately its alright for the parents.

DeV.

Nevyn

Kids should not be in pubs

But back to the smacking issue, I really dislike smacking my kids
(mental cruelty and emotional black mail is far more effective),
but i have done it and it was not lazy parenting. I'd never never
raise my hand to a child in anger but a tap on the hand/arm to
remind them is somtimes required.

From the ages of 4 to 7 they might need this it is sick and wrong to hit/slap/smack a child under 4 they dont know what is going on. Over the age of 7 they know better and you can susposedly reason with them.

I enjoying turning the tables on them, ie breaking doen crying upset saying that must be a bad mammy cos my 4 yearold was drawing on the wall and i had tried everything , he promptly hugged me and said i was the best mammy in the world and he was sorry has not done it after that

Victor

My sister implemented a series of differing verbal disapprovals with her 1 year old, the 2 main ones being "uh-oh" and "no". Never saw her resort to spanking.

"Uh-oh" was something that she shouldn't be doing (like nicking the dusters on the cleaning lady, throwing food), but wasn't dangerous and would typically be used up to ten times a day.

"No" something that was dangerous and would typically be used once a day. It would make her bawl like the world was ending.

All very Pavlovian.

Offy

As a perent I find slapping is not an option, I have three children of different ages the youngest being 3 and the oldest being 11. I do tend to shout a lot and I find it effective most of the time, for a more serious punishment I simply withdraw certain privlages.

sceptre

Spanking/slapping/hitting/smacking = bad

It's a lazy way to solve a problem. Where a child is old enough to be reasoned with it's unnecessary. Where a child isn't old enough to be reasoned with, it's ineffective - you're just teaching them by rote, as you might electrocute a mouse in a lab. Making a child afraid of a parent at a young age is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can ever make. There are other ways - and lots of them.