Moral compass help

LegacyUser

Ok, want to see how other people's moral compasses guide them.....

I've fairly recently started to date this girl who is 5 years younger than me. The first time I saw her I thought that she was incredibly sexy and pretty hot.

We had sex within a week of being together and she is pretty fit. Then I find out that she has various eating disorders and either doesnt eat at all or gets sick afterwards....this is a much more complicated person than I first thought.

She is massivly insecure and slightly introverted which makes for at times dull conversation.

I know that this is not the woman of my dreams and I know I'm not going to marry her but what I'm wondering is, knowing this am I a bastord for staying with her just because she looks good?

As far as to how she feels about me I dont know other than she doesnt want to break up with me and I always treat her really well and I'm sure she enjoys the time we spend together.

I know she is invested in our relationship to a larger extent than just physically....whereas I'm not sure whether I am or not...

rymus

Originally posted by Dial Emma
...but what I'm wondering is, knowing this am I a bastord for staying with her just because she looks good?

In short - no, its human nature.

Its not really for anyone to comment on though because youre dealing with your own preferences here. If you really had doubts about staying with her for the reasons you state then you would have left her already

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Easy said when you've been there.

ya can sing that Mercie!



well Dial Emma, nothing wrong with going out with someone who is drop dead gorgeous, we would all do that given the chance.
however, if you think there is no future in it I would start deciding now what to do for the best. I would not like to have on my conscience, the result of the depression she may suffer if you allow her to grow fond of you. You say she has an eating disorder, she is obviously a troubled girl, you allowing her to become attached to you will mean the break up will be harder and I think we can guess what that will result in.
on a side note, eating disorders are not funny and can cause all sorts of health problems if not worse, there is an underlying reason she is treating herself like this, she needs help
best of luck

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Dial Emma
Ok, want to see how other people's moral compasses guide them.....

I’m not the best person in the world to answer, however...

I've fairly recently started to date this girl who is 5 years younger than me. The first time I saw her I thought that she was incredibly sexy and pretty hot.

Been there. Still have the issue of Image magazine with her on the cover somewhere.

We had sex within a week of being together and she is pretty fit. Then I find out that she has various eating disorders and either doesnt eat at all or gets sick afterwards....this is a much more complicated person than I first thought.

And there. Will often make for a cheap dinner-date, though.

She is massivly insecure and slightly introverted which makes for at times dull conversation.

And there

As far as to how she feels about me I dont know other than she doesnt want to break up with me and I always treat her really well and I'm sure she enjoys the time we spend together.

I know she is invested in our relationship to a larger extent than just physically....whereas I'm not sure whether I am or not...

Well, yes and no. You might get to like her as a person in the long run too - Awe, who am I kidding..?

However, if you find her attractive, enjoy being with her (or more correctly, being seen with her) and are able to exploit her insecurities so that she’ll perform sexually acts that one would hesitate to ask of a professional, then the relationship would already be fulfilling for you on a number of levels.

Reciprocally, if she’s not necessarily looking to settle (tick-toc, tick-toc) down either then there should be no real problem. However you’ve already stated she’s got eating disorders and various insecurities, so it would be fair to say that she’s not the most stable of personalities. So here reaction to an eventual break-up should be your main concern.

Having said this, such women are generally their own worst enemies, and so if you don’t fsck her, some other bastord will - and at least you’re trying to treat her well and thinking about the moral implications. So I’d go for it, as long as you don’t feel you’ll end up trapped because it’ll destroy her if you break up (if so press ejector seat button now).

Enjoy it for what it is, follow your nature and don’t concern yourself with the moral implications too much and when you do eventually break up, remember the old adage of ”fragile objects dropped from great heights make interesting noises”. If nothing else, I’ve always found that cruelty makes for far more interesting after-dinner conversation than any moral treatise...

thedrowner

whats the point in staying with someone you can see no future with? as mercury tilt said, you could always try and get someone who is just as hot and you can actually see a future with. Personally, i couldnt stay with somone just because they were hot, even if they were without baggage coz i just dont think it's fair to lead someone on like that.

i stayed with someone for the wrong reasons once, not intentionally (i didnt realise it at the time), and 8 months on he's still not coming to terms with this. Such is life, but i dont think i could live with the guilt of it if i had done it intentionally. So considering you're dealing with someone who does have a lot of problems in their life, and you know they can see a future in it, would you be able to live with the guilt of knowing it was you who sent her over the edge, intentionally?

The Corinthian

Originally posted by thedrowner
whats the point in staying with someone you can see no future with?

Sex..? :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Well I say go for it.

Only problem can be with younger girls that sometimes live at home and don't tell mammy who they're with or where they're going their mammys can get very concerned and over protective.

Just watch out for that!

thedrowner

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Sex..? :rolleyes:

yeah but you can get sex from a hot looking girl who just wants to leave it at that-you dont have to break someone's heart to do it.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by thedrowner
yeah but you can get sex from a hot looking girl who just wants to leave it at that-

you offering?


anyway, why dont you just think to yourself, i like this girl because of a, b and c, and then think i dont want to go out with her because she is a pain because of a, b, c and d.
weigh them up, and then go, bah, not worth the hassle.

either that, or during sex say someone elses name.
that will get rid of the problem and no mistake.

by the way, whats 5 years younger than you got to do with anything?
im 5 years younger than loads of people, but i dont brag about it!

The Corinthian

Originally posted by thedrowner
yeah but you can get sex from a hot looking girl who just wants to leave it at that-you dont have to break someone's heart to do it.

Absolutely. And while he’s looking for a hot looking girl who just wants to leave it at that he can roger the hot looking bunny-boiler.

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
by the way, whats 5 years younger than you got to do with anything?
im 5 years younger than loads of people, but i dont brag about it!

He might be 18, himself...

WhiteWashMan

i wish i was 18 again

thedrowner

im just saying i couldnt do that to someone, i know it happens all the time. his posting here implies it is causing him a bit of guilt already....

WWM...i might be. whats in it for me? (oh yeah. nothing.)

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by thedrowner
im just saying i couldnt do that to someone, i know it happens all the time. his posting here implies it is causing him a bit of guilt already....

his post shows me he is unsure and insecure in what he wants.
time will tell and when he decides he will make his own decisions and hopefully will make ones that will make him happy.
the joy of life experience.

Originally posted by thedrowner


WWM...i might be. whats in it for me? (oh yeah. nothing.)

well, nothing from me obviously

but hey, i can set you up some hot loking guys with lots of money who are funny, have great personalities, work in high powered jobs, but in their spare time are fireman or stand ins for george clooney, you know, the usual....

thedrowner

george clooney.....*ick*
im more a brad pitt kind of woman
which is such a shame coz im not their kind of woman....ah well.

Typedef

get a room

chichés™

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by thedrowner
his posting here implies it is causing him a bit of guilt already....

Or that he is seeking the predictable moral absolution of his peers...

LegacyUser

I'm gratefull for all your advice/opinions.

yeah but you can get sex from a hot looking girl who just wants to leave it at that

Really? Where?

I've just turned 22 and she is 17 if thats of any consequence.

It might be a case of guilt because I feel she has more in this than me I suppose which is why I posted but then again maybe I shouldnt think about it so much, chill out a bit and enjoy it.

Perhaps the best thing to do is just to have a few kind of good bye sexual encounters and then break up.

Kell

Oooh, 17 and you're 22. She needs to do some growing up then and be at peace with her problems. On the other hand, if you decide to lend a helping hand to her, overcoming her problems might make the relationship better in which case you're on a winner.

I agree with everyone else though, in that if you're thinking long term and she doesnt fit in with the picure then end it and the sooner the better. There's a point- why are you thinking long term at 22? You've years to think long term. Give yourself a break.

Xterminator

I dont think at 22 you need to be worring about "Will this relationship last!"
If you enjoy it, and you keep up your end of the relationship (Pun intended ) then your not doing her wrong.

How can you know what type of person you will want to settle down with unlless you experiment?
How can you be sure you wont develop deeper feelings for this girl?

As long as you dont deceive her, dont pretent you feel more than you do, and dont cause her to believe things are more serious than they are, then your not misbehaving. (By my moral compass anyway!)

X

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Xterminator
I dont think at 22 you need to be worring about "Will this relationship last!"

Some relationships at 22 do end up lasting. And many at 32+ don't. Most actually.

Depends largely upon the persons involved and what Society considers a good age to settle down.

Originally posted by Kell
I agree with everyone else though, in that if you're thinking long term and she doesnt fit in with the picure then end it and the sooner the better.

Everyone else didn't say that though. If he feels he can avoid a messy situation at the end then he could quite happily continue with her. No point throwing away regular nookie to spare the feelings of a girl who would be misrable if she wasn't unhappy.

That, of course, is the amoral solution... :rolleyes:

thedrowner

well, if youre feeling guilty/suspect you might be guilty about it now, you'll probably feel really guilty about it later- at least thats what happened to me.

there are loads of women just looking for sex. theres laods of women looking for a realtionship too. chances are if you let go of this one you'll find one who suits both your needs, or at least you will be free to anyway.




mercury:

Why are you not?

i'm not blonde