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Silly and Stupid Jokes go here
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A guy looking very depressed walks into a bar and asks for a glass of cinder.The barman gives it to him, but the man never drinks it he sits there swirling his finger in the glass.After half an hour the barman walks up to the man and asks "whats wrong?". The man replys "well my sister says whenever she gets depressed she sticks her finger cinder".
Think about it
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Prolly too late but hey!
A bowl of cornflakes, a banana and a pint of milk walk into a bar, the barman says "sorry we don't serve breakfast here"
Did you ever see the film Raid levels of the lost arcnet with harrison ford while havin a bowl of fruit n'fibreoptic
Techie jokes good
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Yeah, I know it's past the closing date but hey....when did I ever listen to authority?
Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any
trouble.
Unfortunately, one was a salted.
A jump lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and
says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A
woman
comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?"
The man says "A premature ejaculation."
"What?" says the woman.
The man explains "I've just come in my pants."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor.
The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well........It's not unusual........."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost
an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull**** before
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's
cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said,
"The steaks are too high."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and
pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that........
[I LOVE this one!]
You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?"
asks the doc.
"It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
There ye go!
Silly's what ya wanted! Silly is what's you gets!!
That's it...no more...I'm all done!
dum...
dum...
duuuuum!
(Cue ominous lightning!)
or am I?0 -
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A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide
his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another
parcel and a note which says:
"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and, with your bald head you will really look the part".
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads:
"Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple."
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P.s. Rabies... I think me and you must have gone to the same crappy source for really bad jokes :rolleyes:
Yours
Mine 0 -
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