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'Ireland's Own' magazine Lonely Hearts column

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  • 23-11-2002 12:55pm
    #1
    Samson
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭


    Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.
    Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.
    Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
    Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Glasgow Celtic football club and starting scraps on Patrick Street at three in the morning.
    Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by long-time fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
    Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
    Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential.
    Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions.
    References required. No timewasters.
    Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady with big chest.
    Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
    Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Jolenes Nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
    Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm.
    Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.


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    #2
    The Gopher
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭The Gopher


    Originally posted by Samson
    Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.
    Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.
    Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
    Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Glasgow Celtic football club and starting scraps on Patrick Street at three in the morning.
    , if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
    Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady with big chest.
    Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
    Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm.

    Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

    These are brilliant-but are they true?If so nobody must actually edit that magazine.My granny gets it free-next time im round i ought to get the adress and right in something good:D
    The Limerick alibi one is the best.Also the Offaly,Roscommon and Galway ones.And the Mayoman with a liking of lesbian twin loving........a what am i saying,these are all great.
    But how did the offaly one get in?Cat slaughter?My god :D


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    #3
    Pep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 198 ✭✭Pep


    Those cant possibly be real, but funny enough though


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    #4
    Carbiens
    Closed Accounts Posts: 593 ✭✭✭Carbiens


    of course there not real,
    do you honestly think someone from Louth would describe themselves as "grossly overweight" or do you think someone from roscommon would consider themselves " a foul-mouthed bad tempered old-basterd"

    or do you really, honestly think that someone from kerry could spell "disillusioned"


    ps,(yes, i am from kerry and yes, i did copy and paste "disillusioned"...twice!)


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    #5
    KoNiT
    Registered Users Posts: 577 ✭✭✭KoNiT


    do you honestly think someone from Louth would describe themselves as "grossly overweight"

    possibly!!

    someone from roscommon would consider themselves " a foul-mouthed bad tempered old-basterd"

    yes!!
    or do you really, honestly think that someone from kerry could spell "disillusioned"

    not a hope....


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