Priest Joke

hussey

After Mass one Sunday, the alterboy was leaving
the church at the same time as the priest, as
they were heading off in their
separate directions, the priest turned around
to the alterboy and shouts,"See ya later alligator"
to which the boy replied "in a while paedophile""!!!!!!

Big Chief

A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

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A catholic priest and a rabbi find them sitting next to each other on a long journey, and so after some hesitation start to talk to each other. After discussing the weather and the cricket, the priest turns to the rabbi and says that he thought it was rather strange that he was not allowed to eat pork, and asked him whether he ever had.
The rabbi replied, "Well, when I was a small boy, I did in fact taste a small piece of bacon."
"What was it like?" asked the priest.
The rabbi replied: "Not nearly as good as sex."

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The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job."
He says, "You have sinned." Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job.
The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."

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There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says, "ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless you." So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed.
The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, "I had sex with a guy."
The priest said, "ok," blessed her and said, "go drink some holy water." So she did!
The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun."
The priest said, "ok," blessed her and said, "go drink some holy water." So she did!
The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did.
And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!"

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There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

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cba to post anymore, thatll do

Pugsley

Originally posted by Big Chief
A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

Superb

Seraphina

Originally posted by Big Chief

A catholic priest and a rabbi find them sitting next to each other on a long journey, and so after some hesitation start to talk to each other. After discussing the weather and the cricket, the priest turns to the rabbi and says that he thought it was rather strange that he was not allowed to eat pork, and asked him whether he ever had.
The rabbi replied, "Well, when I was a small boy, I did in fact taste a small piece of bacon."
"What was it like?" asked the priest.
The rabbi replied: "Not nearly as good as sex."

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i liked this one the best, hehehehe:p

leeroybrown

What do a priest and a pint of Guinness have in common?

They're both black with white on top, and if you get a bad one it will tear the hole off you!

ThenComesDudley

Have you heard that they are remaking the exorcist film?



THis time they summon the devil to get the priest out of the child......