Heartbroken

My name is Mud

Hey everybody. Im a long time reader of this board, first time poster.

Last night my first proper girlfriend broke up with me. Im not going into the deatils of the hows and whys, as its personal to me.

The point of all this is, I was with her for a year and a half, and she was, as the old phrase goes, 'my first love'. She was the only girl I have ever been in love with. We both told each other how we felt all the time.

My problem is that we both agreed to remain friends, and we both agreed to not lose contact as we consider each other 'best' friends. At the moment I feel absolutely gutted and heartbroken.

How long does this last?
Does it get any better?

I dont think i'll ever meet someone like her again. This makes me feel more gutted.

Any theories?

Beruthiel

My problem is that we both agreed to remain friends, and we both agreed to not lose contact as we consider each other 'best' friends.

after 'x' amount of time you may be able to stay friends, but not right now - you will not be able to get over her if you continue to see her at this time, you will only pro-long the heartache. Give yourself some space to move on and then see what happens.

At the moment I feel absolutely gutted and heartbroken
How long does this last?

I believe we have all been here, some of us more than once, it's a sh*te time and it's different for everyone, but anywhere between 3 months to a year should get you over the worst of it.

Does it get any better?

of course it does and you will become stronger for it.

I dont think i'll ever meet someone like her again

yes you will, she will be different but just as special and perhaps even more so.

Kell

Yep, gotta agree with Beruthiel there. I think we have all been through it and yep it does get better.

It is extraordinarily difficult to remain very good friends, as either you or her or both of you will want more from each other or get confused, and it's a slippery slope from there; believe me. Difficult as it is to do, I would concentrate on moving on and putting as much space between you and her as possible. In the long run, you'll be doing yourself a favour.

DapperGent

Honestly I don't think it's a good idea to stay friends right away. A period of seperation is definately in order and you certainly don't want to put her and you and booze in the same room together.

If first love is the toughest I don't really know. I've only had two and the second one is surprisingly enough still putting up with me.
I do think that you're looking at anywhere between 6 months to a year to get over this and move on properly.

You will get over it and as Beruthiel says you'll be the better for it. Heartbreak builds character and makes you a more interesting person. I'd recommend it to anyone at least once.

You're right that you won't meet anyone like her again. You will however meet many completely different people. You will fancy a lot of them and you'll probably find one to be your special lady.

ShayK1

Everyone is definitely diffferent!
This is just my experience!
My first Love broke up with me in August and was with someone else the same day! Now that hurt! But it took me about 4 days to forget that and think about me!
We said we'd stay friends and we are but for the first month or so we were just pissing each other off we stupid statements like:
Her: " Yeah he is so much better than you, and BIGGER too"
Me : " Went out last night, was with three lovely blondes, mmmm yummy!".
This didn't help anyone!
Now she is still with that other guy and she is really happy!
I am enjoying being single like i never knew i could!
I am a Man Whore and i love it!
Just take some time to yourself and go out meet some people and enjoy Freedom!
Hope This helps!
Best of Luck my man!
Shay!

PPC

Same happened to me a few months ago. Its very heart breaking and depressing, we too said we'd remain friends but its very hard as i still have very strong feelings for her. I didn't feel better till i talked to her about it. Its been close on 3 months now and its only starting to feel better now.

sutty

I have to agree with whats been said above. For everyone its different. some take a few days, others take a few months. You'll know when your time has come (you'll get board and start looking again) But it is best not to see her for a bit. You will only end up getting hurt or hurting her. To the point where being friends it out of the question.

Like the saying... er... say's...

"Time heal's all wounds"

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by ShayK1

Her: " Yeah he is so much better than you, and BIGGER too"

She actually said this to you?? Nice girl.

As for my name is mud... yeah, all sound advice up above. Things will work out all right for you, but it'll take a bit of time, and that time shuld best be spent apart from her...

thedrowner

i definately agree with the spending time apart thing, when you do stay friends striaght afterwards, sometimes one of you wants to get back together, and it can put strain on things. im proud to say i havent seen either of my loves since i broke up with them i actually wouldnt be able to yet, every bit of ocntact i have fills me with fear/pain and i was the one who broke up with them!!!

as for the whole time thing, it depends on the person. people will tell you that you'll get over it eventually, and it so hard to see that when youre so consumed by it you cant think straight. but you will. and you'll look back and say 'i cant believe that got to me for so long. i cant believe i ever thought id never get over it, and just look at me now, im nearly myself again ' same goes for the finding somone else.

I must agree with my esteemed colleagues...It might take some time but you will be stronger for it...i have spent the best part of the last year trying to get over my ex...time apart is essential...
f*ck it..you'll survive...you just cant dwell on these things

My name is Mud

Thanks everybody. All your words are much appreciated during this tough time for me.

Kell

Originally posted by ShayK1
Her: " Yeah he is so much better than you, and BIGGER too"

She was just trying to hide her dissappointment at her partners libido by belittling yours. Women and there wiley ways eh?

hedgetrimmer

1000% what Beruthiel said...

Hmm...second time this morning I've agreed with Beruthiel...who *is* this masked poster

daveg

As everyone's said it's a tough time for you at the moment. Rest assured things will get better. My advice is don't sit around thinking about the whole situation. This is the worst thing you can do. Go out - get drunk - have fun with your friends. You'll find the pain will ease. As for being friends - forget it. It never works, and everytime you see her you'll feel worse. For your own sake break all contact until you get over her and then see how you both feel about being friends.

thedrowner

some people find that getting on with things and rushing about from place to place takes their mind of these things and when they next come to dwell on it it isnt so bad (im one of those types) other people like to kind of think about it a bit more, and try and sort themselves out, rather than letting it all build up by leaving it for a while... so just do whatever u think is best for you.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by hedgetrimmer
Hmm...second time this morning I've agreed with Beruthiel...who *is* this masked poster

that's what the boards.ie christmas party is for

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Wook

'it's funny how they always want to be friends after they rip your guts out'

(starshiptroopers)

smiles

As long as you remember that there will be other people and let yourself get over her then it'll work out ok.

g'luck

<< Fio >>

WhiteWashMan

its all a lesson.

Durden

mud, i know exactly how you feel. it does get better. heres why; you and her already know each other secrets, making it easier to tell each other stuff now. therefore, hang on to her. I was in a similar situation, i did, its been so good for my mental health (and possibly hers). but one last tip; never allow anyone to be the only person you care about.