What to say to a telemarketer!

Runfree

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T....

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem.

Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a

cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but....

Me: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold.

So, now AT&T has me on hold, and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food.......

Supervisor: Mr. Salem?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? (Is this AT&T)

Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Salem. I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother.........

AT&T: (click)

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

Or My Other Favorite... Are you single? Click............

Repli

Very funny... did YOU actually receive that call?

Runfree

nope its quite funny seeming i work in telesales

Wolf

I like it I like it alot!!!

cournioni

That could come in handy some time.

Loco

lmfao

Note From Me: When I get a call from a telemarketer I prefer to give them options. I simply tell them Steve is not here right now but would they prefer to speak to Slob Boy, Gutter Boy, BrainDead Man ..... Click............

brilliant!!!

stormkeeper

Originally posted by PORNAPSTER
That could come in handy some time.

I'm thinking Eircom

Carbiens

rofflmao:D
that was pure class ive been wanting to get a call from some company like that for ages just to fu<k with them, but its never happened yet:(

Runfree

glad to see that you all find it funny. I Don't cause its my day job people. I take this kind of abuse allday long. look where i ended up. Jobless and mentally insane(oops think i was born this way.

Don1

Class!
A relation of mine in the US does it like this:
"Hello, could you just hold for a second please, I have a call on the other line"...."No, problem"
She then proceeds to put the caller on hold.
Her phone as multy line in so she can still make and take calls all day long and just waits for the little light to go out!
The other often more effective approach is:
"Ola"
".........blah......"
"Na abla englais senior"
"..click.."

Runfree

No u dont say that. Hello people this is my job. Dont mock it right

Shiminay

I worked as a Phone Muppet (my unofficial job description) for a while after college and it was a predominantly English customer base. I used to enjoy ringing people back if ever they were especially abusive with a Northern Irish accent telling them "I know where you live." I was also administrator of the phone system, so I was able to delete any trace of said call.

In fairness, I was a bastard, but they were bastards first. I never did it to anyone who'd just be kinda annoyed, only people who'd retort with "Bloody stupid Irishman" and other such English niceties.

Since then, I pay particular attention to anyone who rings me and watch out for ways to **** with them or see if they can control the call. I was quite good at it, so I don't see why anyone else shouldn't be able to give me the same quality of service I'd have given them (wahey! )

Runfree

Where did ya work as this phone muppet???? Its great fun messing with them aint it?

memphis

I like it. I love it. Perfection!!

I used to work in Tech Support during the summer as part of my college work experience. ya get some amount of annoying callers.

I was thinking of ringing up the company i'd worked with and try to really cheese em off.

I don't think I could hold my laughter doing it though.

leeroybrown

I was also administrator of the phone system, so I was able to delete any trace of said call.

lol ... Dav the BOFH

Runfree

Believe me I ring in from my own work to work we have like 25 different lines that we can Call. Great fun altogether.

Im no racist but the pakis are the best fun ever. quite hard to understand though

JohnK

lol
I nearly want somebody to ring me now!

Runfree

Ok whats ure fone number I'll ring ya

Don1

I just thought of another one.:D Me thinks this is good....
Just start lettin on that you know them like;
Ah %name% how's it goin, any strange, jesus it's been years, how's your ma doin, we may meet up again, anythin planned for the weekend? "Sorry do I know you" Ah come on I was in your class...............................etc Hehehehehe

Or here's one you won't like at all runfree.
My ma used this against prank callers but I suppose you could use it on really persistant telemarketers......She had a great big whistle beside the phone and she'd deafen the b**tard with heheh. Cruel I know but effective nonetheless!

Runfree

Good one though might actually use that one sometime

Don1

The whistle has a few drawbacks though.
you could get sued for personal injury, and it frightens the sh*t out of the dogs!!!

Runfree

I ment the other one. Bout how are ya mate. havn't heard from ya in ages.....

Think that would wreck some1s head???

Ill do it when I quit