I know its old but is so darn funny!

ShayK1

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:



1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

nanook

have to say i heard it before but it still brings the smiles

Don1

Fenteshtic. Nearly eat myself laughing only I'm not that flexible!:D

JohnK

the clasics always get a laugh

TomTom

first time I heard it, good enough

ShayK1

Thank you Thank you !!
I'm here all week!

Spiffing

Originally posted by ShayK1
Thank you Thank you !!
I'm here all week!

You made it up? :rolleyes:

Johnny Gomez

I never heard it either, it got a laugh!

ShayK1

Originally posted by Spiffing
You made it up? :rolleyes:

Yeah right as if?? I can't even make up a one liner!!

Don1

Ha! You just did!

Sangre

Originally posted by Don1
Ha! You just did!

lol , never heard that one before

STaN

lol "J. C."

the "bit T"

brilliant

The Reaper

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," #


AW lol funny!

ozt9vdujny3srf

thats going to all me friends :P

never heard that one b4

Runfree

fair good. never saw this one b4.

We need more jokes like this one