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One liners post here :P Puns also welcome

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  • 21-12-2002 5:01pm
    #1
    ozt9vdujny3srf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,152 ✭✭✭


    What do you call a northsider in a suit?


    Guilty


«13

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    #2
    Runfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭Runfree


    what do you call a fly inside a blondes head????

    A space invader!!!


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    #3
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    What do you call a Reliant Robin with a football inside it?

    A whistle!


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    #4
    Runfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭Runfree


    What is small & brown and carries a suitcase???

    A handle!!


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    #5
    Cake Fiend
    Registered Users Posts: 5,335 ✭✭✭Cake Fiend


    Originally posted by TruckledUncivil
    What do you call a northsider in a suit?


    Guilty

    Originally 'the accused' I believe, but let's face it, he's guaranteed to be guilty :p


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    #6
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    Whats pink and hard?

    A pig with a flick knife


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    #7
    tman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,339 ✭✭✭✭tman


    Originally posted by Sangre
    Whats pink and hard?

    A pig with a flick knife
    beat me to it:mad:


    a dyslexic guy walks into a bra


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    #8
    -RaY-
    Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭-RaY-


    *An irish man , english man , and scots man walks into a bar*

    BAR MAN : is this a joke ?


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    #9
    DamienH
    Registered Users Posts: 1,507 ✭✭✭DamienH


    A slice of toast, a bowl of cereal and a glass of orangejuice walk into a bar

    BARMAN: We don't serve breakfast round here


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    #10
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    A blind man walks into a bakery - he thought it was a bar.


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    #11
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    Originally posted by Gordon
    A blind man walks into a bakery - he thought it was a bar.


    Hang your head in shame

    What has two legs and bleeds?

    Half a dog


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    #12
    Johnny Gomez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 209 ✭✭Johnny Gomez


    Sorry if this offends but here goes.
    What do you call a nacker with a watch?
    A Time Traveller:D


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    #13
    ozt9vdujny3srf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,152 ✭✭✭ozt9vdujny3srf


    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    Becuase he was dead



    Why did 2nd the monkey fall out of the tree?

    Becuase he though it was a game




    Why did the tree fall down?

    Becuase it though it was a monkey



    Sorry


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    #14
    Lump
    Registered Users Posts: 10,984 ✭✭✭✭Lump


    OMFG, ha ha ha, I'm in bits here, that last one was great. Well Done.




    John



    p.s. that was my longest reply to a post on humour ever. Be proud.


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    #15
    Runfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭Runfree


    Whats pink and fluffy???


    Pink Fluff.


    Whats blue and fluffy???

    Pink fluff holdings its breath.



    Srry guys.


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    #16
    ozt9vdujny3srf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,152 ✭✭✭ozt9vdujny3srf


    Originally posted by Lump


    p.s. that was my longest reply to a post on humour ever. Be proud.

    i am, Lumpeh, I am


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    #17
    ozt9vdujny3srf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,152 ✭✭✭ozt9vdujny3srf


    Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?"

    Blonde walks into a bar and says "ouch"

    2Blondes walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would have seen it



    Once again apologies


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    #18
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    Originally posted by Runfree
    Whats pink and fluffy???


    Pink Fluff.


    Whats blue and fluffy???

    Pink fluff holdings its breath.
    Whats green and fluffy?
    sick pink fluff


    What white and fluffy?
    Dead pink fluff




    Whats purple and fluffy?
    Pink fluff still holdings its breath




    Whats orange and fluffy?
    Pink fluff with fake tan.


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    #19
    Runfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭Runfree


    haha :)


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    #20
    Pugwash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 245 ✭✭Pugwash


    what do you call an intelligent blonde?


    a golden retreiver


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    #21
    s0l
    Closed Accounts Posts: 444 ✭✭s0l


    Hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.

    what does a strawberry and a cherry have in common?
    They both can't drive tractors


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    #22
    TinCool
    Registered Users Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭TinCool


    What's red and invisible ?
    No Tomotoes.

    What's green and eats rocks ?
    A green rock eater.

    What's white and fluffy ?
    A cloud.

    What do you call a sheep without any legs ?
    Easy.

    What's brown and sticky ?
    A stick.

    What's green has six legs, falls out of a tree and kills you ?
    A Snooker table.


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    #23
    honeymonster
    Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭honeymonster


    Why do prostitutes wear knickers?

    To keep their ankles warm




    What did spok see when he looked the toilet?

    Captains Log



    How do you circumcise a knacker?

    Kick his sister in the jaw


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    #24
    Neil3030
    Registered Users Posts: 17,136 ✭✭✭✭Neil3030


    Originally posted by honeymonster



    What did spok see when he looked the toilet?

    Captains Log




    LMAO



    A baby walks into a bar and sez:

    "Shít I'm in the wrong joke"


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    #25
    honeymonster
    Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭honeymonster


    Why do teachers make the best lovers?

    Because they will keep on making you do it until you get it right.




    Is this true? cause I gots some well fit teachers at me skool


    He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
    - George Bernard Shaw

    Dublin University contains the dream of Ireland - rich and thick.
    - Samuel Beckett

    Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
    - Oscar Wilde


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    #26
    Scruff
    Registered Users Posts: 4,222 ✭✭✭Scruff


    Why did the little gril fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms.


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    #27
    Tyrrial
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,105 ✭✭✭Tyrrial


    what do you call a dog with no back legs and stainless steel balls


    sparky!


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    #28
    [Iramus]
    Closed Accounts Posts: 211 ✭✭[Iramus]


    Why don't blind people go skydiving?
    Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

    a jumplead walks into a bar. the bartender says "ill serve you but dont start enything"
    ...sorry.:ninja:


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    #29
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    I swear to God Im a genius at these jokes..... (my own)


    I think my book is sick, it might have Texticular cancer.

    While im humping my girl in the ear she suddenly stops me,
    'Wait! I hear someone coming'

    Cant think of anymore atm...


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    #30
    Zukustious
    Closed Accounts Posts: 451 ✭✭Zukustious


    What seperates us from the animals?

    The Liffey




    Laughed my ass off when I heard it.


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    #31
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,154 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    You my friend, are what the Spanish call 'el terriblé'


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