One liners post here :P Puns also welcome

cujimmy

Marriage one liners cont

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to

Gaz

What do you call a one legged donkey ?
A wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey ?
A winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO ?
A stinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO wearing blue sweade shoes ?

A honkey tonkey stinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO wearing blue sweade shoes playing the piano ?
A plinkey plonkey honkey tonkey stinkey winkey wonkey

cujimmy

A girl asks her lover: will you screw me like this after marriage? The boy says sure, only if your husband doesn’t have any problems with it.

cujimmy

A doctor advising his patient who has had a heart attack tells him “No smoking NO drinking” and “only have sex with your wife because it is important to avoid any excitement”

hussey

What do ya call a dog with 2 legs and steel balls?

Sparky

What do ya call a dog with, 3 legs, lump missing from ear, half a tail, glass eye and fleas?

Lucky

What do ya call a deaf dog?

Anything you want .. he can't hear you

cujimmy

Two mates chatting
1st: I found a girl tied to a rail line last night, I untied her and we made love for hours

2nd: Did she give you a blow job

1st: nah I couldn’t find her head.

Pugsley

Originally posted by Darth Homer
What do you call a one legged donkey ?
A wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey ?
A winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO ?
A stinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO wearing blue sweade shoes ?

A honkey tonkey stinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO wearing blue sweade shoes playing the piano ?
A plinkey plonkey honkey tonkey stinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a one legged , one eyed donkey with BO wearing blue sweade shoes playing the piano while driving a lorry?

A f*cking genius!

Serbian

A man walks into a bar carrying a lump of tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman: 'Give me a pint of beer and one for the road'.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

Capt'n Midnight

threw in his hand - and it was so bad one of the others laughed his head off

BTW - that part of Dublin near Fox Rock is where the leper colony used to be & with the rise of antibiotic resistance it's on its way back - just like TB.

thedrowner

i think therefore i am not a blonde




Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. because then he's a mile down the road, and you've got his shoes...

Capt'n Midnight

a milkman - but my plans turned sour
an athelete - but there were too many hurdles
an archeolgist - but them my career went to ruins


She was only a poteen makers daughter but he loved her still.

Sangre

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
threw in his hand - and it was so bad one of the others laughed his head off

BTW - that part of Dublin near Fox Rock is where the leper colony used to be & with the rise of antibiotic resistance it's on its way back - just like TB.

Yes, yes....I live there

And guess what.............its called Leopardstown.

-RaY-

What do you call a blond with 2 brain cells ?
-Pregnant