if LOTR had been written by someone else?!

shep the malevolent pixie

i'm stealing someone else's thread from a different message board.
well?!

someone wrote:

"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"

"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."

-excerpt from Dr. Suess's FOTR.

get those brainmeats steaming children.
sHep :cool:

shep the malevolent pixie

here's another one from the same thread:

The Lord of the Rings
or The Land of Middle-earth
by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan

SCENE. -- Front yard of Bag End in Hobbiton, the Shire. Various hobbits discovered standing and sitting in various attitudes suggested by Rankin-Bass films and trippy illustrations from the 1970s.

CHORUS OF HOBBITS.

If you want to know who we are,
We are gentlemen of the Shire;
In many an inn and bar,
By many an alehouse fire,
We dine on six meals a day;
Our attitude's bright and gay;
But we don't mean it that way, oh!
If you think we are cutesy-poo,
Like an Ewok or Jar-Jar Binks,
You don't know what we do:
When we don't smokes, we drinks!
Our dwelling is Hobbiton;
We only stand three foot one;
We use evil rings for fun, oh, oh!
We use evil rings for fun!
If you want to know who we are,
We are gentlemen of the Shire;
In inn and bar, by alehouse fire;
In many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many a bar, oh, oh, oh, oh!
In inn and bar, by alehouse fire!

Enter Gandalf in great excitement. He carries a pack of fireworks on his back and a staff in his hand.

RECIT. -- GANDALF

Gentlemen, I pray you tell me
Where a gentle hobbit dwelleth, named Frodo,
The ward of Bilbo?
In pity speak, oh speak, I pray you!

TED SANDYMAN. Why, who are you who ask this question?
GANDALF. Come gather round me, and I'll tell you!

SONG and CHORUS -- GANDALF.

A wand'ring wizard I,
A thing of spells and magic,
Of stories dark and tragic,
Of counsel I'll prophesy...

That's where inspiration flagged. Although I could post the touching "Departure from Rivendell" scene...

sHep :cool:

qwidgybo

oh good god...THERE WERE ENOUGH FECKIN SONGS IN THE BOOK WITHOUT GILBERT AND SULLIVAN WRITING MORE!!



*grrr*

TheAlmightyArse

http://fanfiction.n-chicken.net/fanfiction/rings.shtml

OLOL donctha love funneh fan-fishion, or FUNFICTSHON as i call it lolol best LORT fanfic EVAR!!111!!!!/1/!.!.,/

Laura

i read a good one that Monty Python/ LOTR.... it's good.

It wasn't me!

I don't mind the songs, as long as they're good-which those weren't, so yeah...crap. Tolkien's my favourite writer so anyone here to beat him is in need of a wake-up call! Noone, and I mean noone, is going tot even come close, never mind surpass him! Heathens, thinking Tolkien can be surpassed in creativity and writing talent, I spit on you all!

shep the malevolent pixie

there there, shut up boy.

sHep :cool:

Crash

yes, i concur Chloe...quiet youngster.

There are much better writers than Tolkien, but they arent as dedicated. tolkien is special simply because he went into such detail and created the entire world for it, and made a magnificient story. a brilliant tale. but he isnt "the best" writer ever. I've read much more imaginative writers i.e. Iain M. Banks, one of the best Sci Fi Writers i've ever read.

It wasn't me!

Not into Sci-Fi. Won't have to try hard to keep it that way. I am emphatic though, about the brilliance of Tolkien. The detail in the world he created is what makes his writing so good. If he had ten more years he would have written a book on the aftermath, what happened when the Fellowship sailed over the sea etc...

Specky

We're probably getting a little OT here but I have to say I read an awful lot of science fiction and fantasy prior to finally getting around to reading LOTR (read it for the first time about 18 years ago now...so I am casting back a little).

Once I read LOTR, Silmarillion, all the books of lost tales, different worlds etc etc etc I suddenly realised how shallow and derivative the majority of what I'd previously been reading had been.

Pretty much stopped reading fantasy after reading LOTR. It is truly masterful work.

Have you noticed how an awful lot of people are saying about particular scenes/characters in the films "that's exactly how I imagined it"? Isn't that an indication of the skill of the author?

I'm not claiming Tolkien to be the greatest writer ever to have lived but he is certainly a great writer, and in my opinion the best of his genre. I cannot see him being surpassed for some time.

...I'm not surprised they didn't include the songs from the book in the film though (The Road Goes Ever Onward is in there...and I suppose you could say the elves lament for Gandalf at Lothlorien is kind of in it). How would you put music to all the Tom Bombadill stuff???

Happy CTYI guy

Is Iain M. Banks any good? I've tried to read The Wasp Factory but couldn't get past the first chapter.

It tells you in general what happened to Middle-Earth after the Fellowship sailed to the undying lands in the Tolkien encyclopedia.

Crash

Em, thats iain Banks, the name he writes under for fiction rather than Sci-Fi. try reading "use of weapons"