26 things that movies taught us!!!

woosaysdan

26 Things the Movies Taught You...

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

20) Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: “Enter Password Now.”

21) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26) When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

Pugsley

And some perants call these films uneducational? tsk tsk, fun fun

The Gopher

Heres some I thought of in another thread(some may be repeated from the original post-I first posted this months ago)

Police chiefs are more often than not angry and black.
As said,they give a ridiculous deadline to slove a case(perhaps they think it boosts productivity)
Cops can kill dozens of bad guys in films like Die Hard without going through inquriies and abuse of power court cases like in real life.
Baddies always have an elaborate way of trying to kill the captured James Bond(lowering into acid,feeding to sharks lasers etc etc).If they just put him on his knees and piut one in his head it would be alot more foolproof.
Young unorthodox cops always wind up parntered with older by the book cops.
Civilians are never killed or seriously injured whenever the likes of James Bond and John McClane feel like racing a tank,plane, boat(!) or helicopter through city streets.
Heroes can take out entire amries and survive with just 3 long cuts on each side of their muscled shoulders.
Local police are all but useless in a James Bond film,doing nothing to help him.

A detective who is one of the main players in the film arrives on the scene as the corpse is being taken away-so we presume that the forensics should have combed the area of the killing pretty well.Yet when the Tec comes in to observe the scene he finds a small but vital piece of evidence(e.g a company card accidendtly dropped by the killer)despite the fact forensics experts have already combed the area and found nothing.
The black guy is always a hilarious wisecracker and prone to saying words like"sh*t" and "motherfuc*er!" every two minutes.
For some reason Chinese immigrants are often helpless victims of crime being saved by the main man.
When a newsreport on a story comes on the tv and it is of use to the key players they catch five secs of it before rushing to the scene or calling their partner-they never wait for the details.
Computers are super SUPER fast (obviously not using eircom products)
Jewish guys are shown as nerds in glasses with braces and strange meidcations and diets(allergic to everything kind of thing)
Megalomaniacs never end their days in a prison cell.
The young cop typically gets called on an investigation while lying in bed with a beautiful woman and finishes the film shagging yet another fine one to the background of something on fire(badguuys HQ,ships etc etc)
The pretty female lead usually finds the cop/soldier/secret agent a total in your face prick whos encroaching on her personal agenda-but she will always end up riding him in the end.
In spite of the fact that practically every woman James Bond has shagged its been a spur of the mo kind of thing,unless the man carries rubbers 24/7 its amazing that hes not got even one of the huindreds of girls pregnant.Personally,i think the reason may be due to severe injuries sustanied on his first mission (perhaps he was on the laser bed in an early mission,but stopped it a few inches further up than the laser incident we all know of )
Streamed video from the net is always of digital tv picture quality rather than bitty broken stalling footage we have to live with.

__________________
And here are a few I stole from other posters in the thread
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of french bread
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home
-The Eiffel tower can be seen from any window in paris
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds
1. Two bullets from a 9mm is more than enough to explode a car.
2. Reloading is a novelty, you don’t actually need new clips.
3. Every clip holds 5,900,356,003 bullets.
4. The timer of a bomb must have reached 00:01 before it can be disarmed.
5. Cut the black wire you idiots. It’s never the red wire.
6. Anything will set off an explosion. Anything.
7. Witty one liners MUST be used at all times.
8. If a terminator is sent back from the future to kill someone it will not cause a paradox, whereby the person is killed and thus there is no need to send the terminator back, thereby the person lives and thus the terminator goes back and kills him and so on…
9. Using two guns at once will not affect your aim.
10. If you throw a German from a high-rise building he’s likely to have brother.
11. Buses travelling over 50 mph can easily jump unfinished bridges.
12. Smashing a car window with your bare hand is a painless procedure.
13. Bad guys tend to make things personal so watch out for family members, partners, friends, etc. (Die Hard, Last Action Hero, Terminator 2, Leon)
14. If the hero is shot it’s- a) okay, cause he’s wearing a bullet proof vest Or b) just a flesh wound.
15. After being saved by a bullet-proof vest people always take it off. Why?
16. Most law enforcement operatives are idiots and the FBI are arrogant dumb asses.
17. If a 73 way Mexican stand-off occurs, everyone is going to die.
18. A police-issue Browning will take down helicopters.
19. Giving the hero back-up is out of the question. Why? It just is.
20. Do not, under any circumstances, say the word “what” around Samuel L Jackson.
21. The hero will generally have an incompetent sidekick who is his complete opposite and annoys the **** out of him.
22. At the end of the film, said sidekick will have earned the hero’s respect. Or earned his respect and died heroically. Either way you still won’t like him.
23. There will be at least one good-looking woman in skimpy clothes. More likely thirty.
24. If someone asks you if you feel lucky, give up. .44 magnums always have one last bullet in the chamber.
25. It is impossible for Arab terrorists armed with automatic bullet spraying sub-machine guns to hit the broadside of a barn. They’d miss the ground when they fall if it weren’t for gravity.
26. It is surprisingly easy to smuggle AK-47s onto planes.
27. No matter what anyone tells you, hacking is NOT cool.
28. Explosions are always VERY, VERY big.
29. SWAT teams never seem to succeed. (Die Hard, The Negotiator, Terminator2)
30. Everyone has guns. Kids, whores, nuns, everyone. (Red Heat, Last Action Hero, Robocop)
31. Kids seem to be magnetically drawn to the area between a sniper and his target. (The Replacement Killers, Face-Off, The Peacemaker)
32. 9/10 cops are “too old for this ****”
- There all always 3 villians. The leader, the small smart one and the dumb fat one.
- There are always 5 differant types of kids in disney movies: Kid with glasses, black kid, red-hair and freckles kid, disabled kid and the mafia boss's son kid. (No offence to anyone thats just how it is)
And an extra few from me
The villain will never show the slightest concern for his underlings when they are in danger but expects loyalty nonetheless(see Cyrus on Con Air and his attitude to the black guy who managed to spark off the escape but who Cyrus didnt give a sh1t about when the DEA agent tried to kill him.And as a last note did you notice how the Indian rapist didnt seem to bare a grudge afterall for your man setting him on fire?Also the colombian who killed his nerdy assistant in one of the Bond films so as to shut him up when he complanined that their plans had gone pear shaped:D )
99% of terrorist/megalomaniac problems concerning the world in the 90s had their root cause with the break up of Soviet Union(e.g the Russian Mafia seems to be involved in just about every plot to destory the world)
Despite the substantial amount of terrorists that need to be taken out no action hero has ever been sent to Ireland on a mission.

Mistakill

cool. Did you thunk that up yourself or did someoe e-mail it to you (out of curiosity)

Mr_Roger_Bongos

If a cop/detective is white, he must ALWAYS be accompanied by someone from ethenic background.

Die Hard 1 - Fat cop with teh radio who sits on his ass in teh car park.

Die Hard 2 - Pudgy flight controller who disagrees with the work methods of the slack jawed yocal who is in control of the terrorist situation

Die Hard 3 - Samuel L. Jackson, teh "all i wanna be is a shop keeper" character, constantly worrying about his shop and himself.

48 Hours - Nick Nulty and Eddie Murphy, whos doin the cops a dangerous favour 6 months away from being released.

48 Hours more - Same two, again murphy is persuaded to follow nulty in order to solve a case, even though it extended his sentence the last time.

Lethal Weapon 1 - 4 - Where the black cop retires for 4 films ( i know this was already said), gradually suffering the problems of growing older.

Finally, there must be ****LOADS of evil henchmen about. The baddie never fails to have his own private army to fight The hordes of marines attcking his fortress (led by james bond). I mean no one ever stops to think of the evil henchmans family (as seen in autsin powers).

Kell

Has anyone ever noticed the omnipresent iron bars? Two that I can think of offhand-

The Fugitive- closing scenes, Harrison Ford vs the Bad guy in the laundry room of the hotel. The bad guy picks up a three foot iron bar. Now where the f*ck do you get iron bars in a laundry room?

Con Air- Cage vs Malkovich on the back of the fire engine. Malkovich produces an iron bar at least five feet long and proceeds to attack Cage with it.

Watch carefully friends. There may be an iron bar innocently waiting to be picked up and used for nefarious purposes at a movie theatre near you.

cournioni

27) In all action movies, all actors must talk in a whispered tone of voice out loud.