more relationship stuff....

LegacyUser

Well every1 else seems to be having relationship problems so i may throw mine in too and see wot has to be said on it!!

it's quite a long story but i'll try and keep it as short as possible...

been with this fella for about a year. (REALLY good mates b4 hand) first few months where really class like...we where all into each other and all the rest and things where going great. after a few months though i thought his feelings towards me where kinda fadin but he always told me not to be paranoid, he loved me and he was happy.

we had fites and all the rest as all couples do, but one nite we had a real bust up where he told me he wasnt really sure if this was wot he wanted ne more...we worked through that one and all was grand again...

then come last summer, he broke it all off again cause he thought he was going abroad to work. this all fell through, i was heartbroken and ended up shifting another fella. he lost the head when he found out and then told me he still loved me and could he try again...so we got ourselves back together and things where going alright, we where kinda back to where we used to be where it was all new and fresh again and couldnt get enough of each other.

but then once again i noticed he was kinda cooling off. i always got the impression that he never had time for me, there was always something else more important. (e.g goin out with his mates) this went on for a while and to me it was getting worse. i tried to tell him about it a few times but he dissmissed it everytime, told me i was being paranoid but he still refused to put n e effort into it. he missed an occasion a few months back that he new was very important to me, and i didnt see him all over christmas (he lives about 2 hours away BUT has a car!)

when he came back here after christmas, it all came to a head and i broke it off. THEN he comes back and tells me he loves me and starts putting in all the effort. but i feel that if i get back with him we'll just go the same way we did b4...he swears he can change but realistically, when can n e woman ever change a man?!

this is where my problem lies now though! i love him with all my heart, but he hurt me a lot (more than once). and at this stage my friends dont really get on with him, and my family are a bit iffy about how he treated me!

here's where i need the advice....do i listen to my heart or do i listen to my head (and my friends/family)?....

Mewzel

sounds to me like the same kinds thing would happen again. maybe he's putting in the effort cause he wants what he thinks he cant have?
personally, i would just try to move on, but only you can really answer as to whether you want to take the risk again

Oeneus

Sorry to say this but I'm kinda thinking that its you who's in the wrong here. But I could be talking sh!te because I'm not sure if you've told us all the details. I don't think you've said enough about how he's hurt you.

But the way I'm seeing it from that story is that you are hurting him! You have gotten off with some other guy during mid-relationship, and as far as you know he has been faithful, and you have jealousy over him hanging out with his friends (which I have to say is not fair on him). You don't know what it's like when your friends get pissed off with you because you pay all your attention to your girlfriend and never hang out anymore. He's probably trying to even out the time spent with either!

Do you agree or disagree?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

they were broken up at the time!

it's the classic RossVRachel debate!

Oeneus

By the sounds of it, they weren't broken up. They were just in a bit of a "We pissed each other off" period. It happens to everyone at some stage...

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

hen come last summer, he broke it all off again cause he thought he was going abroad to work. this all fell through, i was heartbroken and ended up shifting another fella

he broke it off, she shifted another fella. when they got back together he god mad.


she is not in the wrong, although I do see why he was hurt/pissed off, and it was a fairly immature thing to do, it wasn't wrong

DriftingRain

Seems to be this guy has the "Can't have the cake and eat it too syndrome" He wants you then- he don't then -you find another- and he wants you to have no other...sounds to me like he wants you to sit there and let him do what ever he wants to do while you just goggle over him...Get out of it hunny and move on. These guys will never change!

Wook

Originally posted by Sweetpea

but then once again i noticed he was kinda cooling off. i always got the impression that he never had time for me, there was always something else more important. (e.g goin out with his mates) this went on for a while and to me it was getting worse. i tried to tell him about it a few times but he dissmissed it everytime, told me i was being paranoid but he still refused to put n e effort into it. he missed an occasion a few months back that he new was very important to me, and i didnt see him all over christmas (he lives about 2 hours away BUT has a car!)

hmm where were you all this time ? I mean you did 'shift' somebody else.. and not one time did you mention anything about yourself ..you just waited home ? Maybe theyre were things more important than you at this time ..so what ? always will happen. As somebody mentioned here before , your not giving us all the details (rightly so) but humm...not once did you think it might be you ?

Dr. Loon

then come last summer, he broke it all off again cause he thought he was going abroad to work. this all fell through, i was heartbroken and ended up shifting another fella.

Ahh makes complete perfect sense to me. You were heartbroken, so shifted someone else!!
By your description of your relationship, you're saying you're both madly in love, but it's up and down.

Regardless, if you were madly in love with him, it just wouldn't be that easy to go and shift another bloke.

I'm afraid it sounds to me that you are a big part of the problem here, possibly jealous, over protective, over bearing things goin on here. I suggest you take a step back and examine yourself, as well as your ex??? If I was him though, I'd have told you to fook off after you so easily were with another bloke.

Kell

Blokes are strange creatures, even more so than women methinks. Before any more people go pointing a finger of blame at Sweetpea, how often does she see him? It's not very fair saying: "Jealousy over him hanging with his friends" unless there moderation. If the ratio of hanging with friends vs hanging out of you is kind 80-20 then theres a problem. If it's 60-40 you vs his friends, acceptable. 50-50 ideal.

If you turn around and tell us that you see him four nights a week, cop on and leave him some space. I have always found that relationships work better and the parties are keener when they leave eachother tonnes of space. If he sees his mates four or five nights a week, drop him as he seems more keen to be with friends than part of a relationship.

hussey

Dump The zero and get with the Hero

nah ya need to dump him, even for a little while .. go out and let your hair down, if ya still wanna be with him in 1r2 mnts time then get back

by the sounds of him he is the jealous type

if he was going away, he was going to be with someone else if he broke up with you, if he was going away for good, then he would have asked ya to come with him if he really loved ya

thedrowner

id give it another chance. if you're so madly in love with him, it couldn't hurt. why are you always questioning the relationship though? think of all the fun times with him that you're wasting by worrying yourself. if you start accusing him of things that he's not actually feeling (well...he says he's not and you can't do anything but go on his word!) you'll cause rifts in the relationship. just give it your all, let go of your fears and enjoy it. (and if you find out later on that you were right, start planning his demise)

Mountjoy Mugger

If she was so madly in love with him, wtf did she shift someone else? Payback, or was it not love at all....?

Tbh, I think the pair of ye are better off apart.

thedrowner

well, when ive just gotten out of a relationship, and im upset, and i go out, my usual reaction is to get plastered and to snog someone to 'aid' getting over them. i've done it a few times, and so have a lot of my mates. of course, we regret it about 20 minutes after it's happened, (but still continue to do it again next time around).

LegacyUser

All this sounds too vaguely familiar, i have a funny notion there's 2 threads here concerning the one thing

1 is my side of the story the other is hers.

Flucked

Pepe LeFrits

Flucked, do you work in Spar?

LegacyUser

I'm nearly sure its you so i'm gonna reply to this and if i'm wrong sorry!

Lst summer, why did you go with 2 lads?...cuz your best friend convinced you i would be going with other girls, you done it to make yourself feel better. I didn't go with anyone else since i met you like. I got over that tho, its in the past i understand why you done it.

I missed that very important occasion a few months ago cuz i was in a bad mood, i crashed my car a few days before hand and i would of wrecked the night for you, i had feck all money and i was pure depressed.If i done things again i would of went, i feel so bad for it now.

I didn't call up over christmas cuz i was sick, couldn't get out of bed for days cuz i had acutelambearitis which is an inner ear virus and i wasn't aloud drink or drive until january, ok i took the car out after xmas but only over the road about 2 mile.If i could of i would of went upto you, i went back upto college a week before we started back to do work and mostly to go out with you at night.

I always want to spend time with you but it wasn't that easy for a month or 2 there, i had to go home at the weekends because of personal stuff with my family (you know what im on about) i also had to do work, i'm a student i run a car i need money.

I didn't bring you home any of those weekends, not because i didn't want to or cuz i didn't think about it but because i couldn't cuz the family was all over the place and it wouldn't of been fair on you.

Your friends mightened like me now but they'll get over it, even if they don't who are you trying to make happy, them or yourself? I even went to the hassle of txting your best friend saying sorry and telling her how much i loved you...she didn't even reply to it.

As for your family...their mad at me but if they see you happy again it will be ok again.

You don't need to change me either...this is all you had to do...show me what i was doing.

I say go with your heart...its what im doing.

fluc.

LegacyUser

Nope, but i'm open to job offers!

fluc

LegacyUser

rite

firstly i'd like to say...flucked u are rite i am the other half! i'm trying to get my side of the story across to see wot the opinions would b if people heard my side of the story. however, wot uv said in a few parts is completely unfair.

over christmas, i KNEW you were sick, i knew i wasnt gonna see you cause u werent allowed to drink or drive. but then u tellme that for new years eve u went out drinking with the lads. that's wot hurt the most. it mite not be the most terrible thing you could have done but it's wot more or less pushed me over the edge.

i'd also like to point out here that in all the time we've been together i'v never been to your house, iv never met your family. i always wondered about this and it's only recently (as in the last 2 wks) that you told me about your family troubles. if u'd have told me b4 i would have understood- u know i would hav!

the whole going out and going with some1 else last year (admittedly twice!) was my way of trying to hurt you as much as ud hurt me....u told me the reason we were breaking up was cause u where gonna be in america and u thought ud b going with other people... to me that REALLY showed me how much u cared like!! i thought u didnt give a ****, my way of dealing with it was to go out get pissed and TRY to feel better. i felt like shi*e, which is why i told u about it the very next day.

as for wot Oeneus said about me being jealous bout the time u spent with your friends....i never was. the thing i always liked about our realtionship was that he could always go out with the lads i could go out with the girls and both of us where faithful, trusted each other and could have a good time without being joined at the hip 24-7

Kell - u asked how often we saw each other....i'd say it's more like 3/4 times a month NOT a week. but it does kinda hurt when he spends the rest of the nites out drinking with the lads...

as for it not being easy to be with another fella....a lot of things are easier when ur off your head drunk!!

logic1

Originally posted by Sweetpea

as for it not being easy to be with another fella....a lot of things are easier when ur off your head drunk!!

People like you disgust me. Using drink as an excuse for your snivelling pathetic actions.

Nobody forced you to do someone else you did it because you wanted to be as sadistically cruel to your bf as you could.

Best thing for this lad to do is drop you as soon as possible and get a nice girlfriend.

How does he know you won't do the same thing next time ye have an argument?

.logic.

LegacyUser

It's not from lack of trying that you've never been to my house, i asked you loads of times to come down last year but you were working weekends, i know u had to work to get money but i didn't force you.

As for seeing each other only 3/4 times a month thats true the past while, its like this tho...i'm at college all week, you live 20 miles away from me when i'm at college so thats a 40 mile round trip, 80 miles if we goto the cinema...works out at 2hrs driving...i dnt mind it tho cuz i love driving but its very hard on me money wise, i am a student at the end of the day. I think it would work if we spent 1/2 nights a week together, either i call out to yours or you come over to mine, then we could do something good over the weekends.

I didn't choose going out with the lads over you, i live with them, in one ear i had you tellin me you never see me and in the other ear i had them tellin me that you never bother comin in to see me. I no you can't cuz u hav no way in but it would be nice if you'd txt me or that and ask if i wnted to call out to yours or something. It just felt like i had to be the one to come up with the ideas so to speak and i always had to talk you into them.

I dnt spend the rest of the nights out drinking with the lads, i go out once or twice a week if that...i normally txt/call you before i go out or when i come home!I know that quit for a while, thats cuz my mobile bills were getting way out of control, first month i was with you i spent 300 pounds calling you.

I'm not trying to make excuses tho, i know there is none...i'm sorry for what happened and i want to get things going again...i can't really say much more...

beep beep?

fluck.

LegacyUser

Forgot to say that you work 8am-6pm everyday too which makes a bit more awkward but nothing that can't be worked thru!

flucked

LegacyUser

Logic - did she know wot he was up to all those nites/times she never saw him??

LegacyUser

a lot of things we should have talked about b4....


"Best thing for this lad to do is drop you as soon as possible and get a nice girlfriend."

yes i know this is making me look like a complete b*tch..but even flucked has to admit i'm not that bad!

Mountjoy Mugger "Tbh, I think the pair of ye are better off apart"

i'm beginning to agree

LegacyUser

Pretty much yea, i always swore i'd never cheat tho and if anyone knows me when i promise or swear something i stick to it. Thats why i usually won't promise anything!hehe

fluc

LegacyUser

Your not a bitch, i know this whole situation is pretty much my fault. If you weren't 'a nice girlfriend' i wouldn't be here trying my damndest to get you back.

Mountjoy mugger....b quiet

fluc.

TacT

lol kaids, is this the liz and ger thread or wha! :cool:

this forums better than sunset beach these days!

Not that you'd catch me watching tripe like that

Oeneus

JESUS CHRIST, YOUR AS BAD AS EACH OTHER! (except she was unfaithful)

I'm going to start with Sweatpea:

This guy obviously has some kind of family problems. Whether this is causing a lot of emotional stress on him or not I don't know. But if it is, (looking at it from a bloke point of view) he would have talked to his friends about it, and you probably (I would've), and his friends probably take him out for a drink etc. to cheer him and so on! Where's your just moaning because he doesn't see you enough! I don't see you offering sympathy! COME ON!!

As For you Flucked:

Saying that she lives too far away is quite a sh*t excuse!

You live closer to your GF than I did! Christ I live in Wales and she lives in Wicklow! I spent stupid amounts of money to go and see her! And it took 7 hours of travel! But this is a bad example considering that relationship just completely f*cked up! But that's not the point I'm trying to prove. What I'm trying to say is that you should have as much dedication to your relationship as I did!

Pepe LeFrits

Originally posted by TacT
lol kaids, is this the liz and ger thread or wha! :cool:

this forums better than sunset beach these days!

Not that you'd catch me watching tripe like that

lol well i wasn't going to mention any names but ....

I'd say get a room funboys/girls but its entertaining, so carry on!

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Oeneus
This guy obviously has some kind of family problems. Whether this is causing a lot of emotional stress on him or not I don't know.

Originally posted by Sweetpea
it's only recently (as in the last 2 wks) that you told me about your family troubles.

maybe if he'd actually told me he had troubles at home in the beginnin (rather than a year later!) a lot of this could have been avoided!!

TacT

oh dear

Gordon

Sounds like you both want to be together but are trying your damndest to find reasons why not to.

I guess the question is... Do you want to live now, or do you want to live tomorrow?

If the answer is now why not give each other a second chance, if tomorrow - why not move on but try hard to remain friends as there is obviously some reason you are meant to be in each others lives one way or another.

Mercury_Tilt

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Mercury_Tilt

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eth0_

Ah bless, this is so sweet. It sounds like a big lack of communication problem to me, but sweet pea, it sounds like he's making all the effort to go over and see you, when you wanted to meet up with him did you want him to come over to you? Why can't you meet him someplace, it's not fair on him expecting to drive all that way when he's a skint student.

Guys, heart! :-D

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Oeneus

But really, as I explained in Flucked's thread, staying out of contact with each other for a while might make you realise how much you both really love each other... or vise versa! Maybe this should be given ago.

Then come back here a couple of weeks later and tell us how you've gotten on!

In all honesty, I think your both slowly splitting up for really silly reasons, and I think you should get over it, and get back to shaggin' or whatever!

Mercury_Tilt

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Gordon

Merc, I wouldn't go that far tbh.

Mercury_Tilt

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Gordon

<-Merc

So: Sweatpea and flucked... Are we going to have the first PI do-a-date/rent-a-second-chance meetup or what? I mean - I want to be Cilla Black here! I want to wear a hat y'know

What's the story - are you going to heart or are you going to part?*



(*see - I have my quirky catchphrase now!)

logic1

Originally posted by Anastasia
Logic - did she know wot he was up to all those nites/times she never saw him??

Yes she did. He told her he wasn't up to anything. She should have trusted him.

If you don't have trust in a relationship you have nothing.

.logic.

Oeneus

Bloody unregi's. I can't send Flucked a PM, so everything I say to him his GF has to see it too! :rolleyes:

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

eth0_

Merc - Do you farm horses? And post a pic here so we can see what this mysterious young buck from tyrone with the radical advice looks like

Gordon

Originally posted by Oeneus
Bloody unregi's. I can't send Flucked a PM, so everything I say to him his GF has to see it too! :rolleyes:

I could have sworn I saw flucked say how he was trying to be as honest as possible to sweetpea's mind, maybe he isn't being honest enough by not posting as his real nick? Hey, I'm just theoreticising.

Merc & etho_ I'm sure you have loads to pm about?

LegacyUser

I'd post with my registered account only it would have complications...lets just say the boards is a family thing where everyone goes!

I'm trying to get her out tonight, its not looking great but the one thing thats kept me going all this time is "he who dares rodney!!, he who dares!!"

fluc.

Oeneus

You haven't been listening to a single thing I've said have you!

Leave her Be For Christsake! Give her some damn space! :rolleyes:

logic1

Originally posted by Oeneus
You haven't been listening to a single thing I've said have you!

Leave her Be For Christsake! Give her some damn space! :rolleyes:

I think he's saying she needs to be crowded. But I'm not 100%

.logic.

LegacyUser

god, it's mad i go to work for the day minus my computer and miss all that's being said!!

well himself has been texting me all day and has been tryin to get my out but i have declined!! not cause i dont want to more a case of i cant! but that's another story!

n e wayz....

Originally posted by eth0_
it sounds like he's making all the effort to go over and see you, when you wanted to meet up with him did you want him to come over to you? Why can't you meet him someplace, it's not fair on him expecting to drive all that way when he's a skint student.

let's just say i tried to meet up with him on several occasions but he always had something else planned so in the end i thought f*ck it, if he wants me he knows where i am!!

aside from all that i'm sick of fighting, i'm glad we're back in contact but he knows that that does not mean we're getting back together right now!!

as for him not posting his registered name,i'm thankful for that cause he knows i appreciate it (and didnt even have to be told!!) u should just stop being so nosey!!! and even though i have to read wot you all say to him, i think that's better cause there shouldnt be n e secrets so to speak!!!

Originally posted by Gordon

So: Sweatpea and flucked... Are we going to have the first PI do-a-date/rent-a-second-chance meetup or what? I mean - I want to be Cilla Black here! I want to wear a hat y'know

i need "our graham" here!!!

Mewzel

im just gonna say good luck to yis. im sure you can both sort something out even if it is just a way to remain friends