Cork Earthquake

davej · 31-01-2003 10:08am #1

A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY
HOURS OF Wednesday 29th January 2003 THAT EPICENTERED ON CORK'S NORTHSIDE.

Victims could be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "What the F**k's going
on bud?", "Stony-mad feen" and "What's your problem ya l@nger". The
Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately EUR30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Santa Ponsa and the Spanish
Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant
burnt out cars were disturbed. Many were woken well before their
dole-cheque
arrived.
Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the
fact
that something interesting has happened in Cork. One resident,
Kylie-Shakira
Mullins, a 15 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little
Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,
Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I
was watching Kilroy Silk the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to
the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching
through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings
including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone
china from 'Pound City'.

HOW YOU CAN HELP?
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after. Items required
include: - Fila, Baseball Caps, Kappa Tracksuit tops (His and Hers), Shell
Suits (Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air Basketball Boots and any other
items usually sold in Penneys or Dunnes or Michael Guineys.
Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: - Microwave meals, Tins of Baked Beans, Ice
Cream and cans of Royal Dutch or Special Brew.
EUR2 buys chips for a family of four. EUR10 can take a family to Youghal or
Crosser for the day. EUR1.68 pays for a return bus ticket to the
countryside
where they can pick magic mushrooms to feed the family. 22c buys a biro for
filling in a compensation claim.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is
unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Knocka, Mayfield and
Blackpool.

daveirl · 31-01-2003 10:13am

This post has been deleted.

[Iramus] · 31-01-2003 4:39pm

that was cool, i hope some cork guy see's it and gets offended

domeara01 · 31-01-2003 4:50pm

thats pretty good man.

Pugsley · 31-01-2003 6:03pm

hehe, got a laugh

DerekD Goldfish · 31-01-2003 7:50pm

22c buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

Brilliant

that was cool, i hope some cork guy see's it and gets offended

assuming one of them ever figures out how to use it

Practical · 31-01-2003 7:58pm

haha good one

Squall · 01-02-2003 1:43pm

As a Cork person i found that hillarious, its true the city is full of scum. An earthquake in the northside would solve alot of our problems. Love the names btw, very creative