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Rules of Classic Gaming

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  • 12-03-2001 4:00pm
    #1
    Yo Mamma
    Registered Users Posts: 954 ✭✭✭


    In today's world, video games conform to reality. Physics must be analyzed and compared to real life. Situations and circumstances must be plausible to the layman. But once upon a time, such concerns were unimportant. Video games didn't have to appeal to anyone who couldn't appreciate them. Back when they were given the respect they deserve, video games made their own rules. Here are a few:

    TV dinners and whole roasted chickens can be found scattered about any public street or building.

    Any aggressive enemy will have one weak point that stands out from a distance.

    During a one-on-one street fight, everybody can jump 80 feet in the air.

    When you fall, if you eventually land, you will probably not die. In fact, you will probably wake up somewhere cool and secret.

    Anything that moves towards you will kill you. Anything that moves away will give you more points.

    Any non-fatal injury can be instantly healed if you eat enough food.

    Illegal or unhealthy acts are only performed by enemies. EXCEPTION: You and your allies may smoke cigarettes if and only if you are in the military.

    No one is ever naked unless they are changing into another modest and colorful costume

    Anything dangerous will flash like a strobe light. Anything dangerous to your enemies will flash in brighter colors.

    If your character is not Japanese, he will fit a racial stereotype. White men are are either blond surfers, in the military, or punk kids who love cheeseburgers. Chinese men wear Raiden hats and never open their eyes. Women are tied up and screaming (unless they are Japanese). Italian men are either Mario, Luigi, or pizza chefs.

    Every scientist is either good or evil, and he is always fighting the opposite kind of scientist. Scientific progress only happens when a good scientist thwarts a bad one's plan to destroy the world. Under no circumstances may either kind of scientist take off his lab coat.

    There is no such thing as bass.

    Three strikes and you're out, kid!


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    #2
    janus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭janus


    There are of course the rules that are still made up today.

    Ammo and weapons will always be just lying(or floating!) around waitng for you to pick them up!!

    Cars are often immune to damage no matter what speed you hit a wall at (gotta get me one of them babies!)

    Smart bombs will damage evrything around you but you will be miraculously unharmed!!

    And many many more



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