Marrying your first girlfriend HELP

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
I disagree, I couldn't be with a woman, just so I wouldn't be alone, I desire companionship, but, it 'has' to be with the right woman or the relationship is based on a desire not to be lonely, as opposed to a desire to be with someone you love.

I don't want to point the finger and laugh at you Typie, but what age are you, given that you know all about how relationships evolve with age?

Beruthiel

Originally posted by The Corinthian
given that you know all about how relationships evolve with age?

I bet I'd be up there as one of the longest, 13 years! not too many fireworks by the time that one finished!!

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Beruthiel
I still like to have some fireworks!

That's what affairs are for.

you are either with me or against me!

And what will you be against at the time..?

Typedef

Originally posted by The Corinthian
I don't want to point the finger and laugh at you Typie, but what age are you, given that you know all about how relationships evolve with age?

Umm, well.

My father and mother broke up when I was 1.

Got a divorce and an annulment when I was 8.

My father remarried when I was 10 and I have a half brother and sister, by my father's second marriage.

For roughly the years between when I was 10 and 21, relations between myself and my paternal family were such that I didn't see my younger brother between the ages of 1 1/2 and 12 and my younger sister 'ever' until she was 10.

Since you ask I'm twenty three and despite the wierd circumstances that my progenitors have vis-a-vis marriage, it hasn't jaded me to the extent that I think 'all' relationships are doomed to failure.

I can still love people and desire relations with them, even though, one might think, that is about the last thing someone like me would 'ever' desire, given the cautionary lessons one might choose to read into my familial history.

Life is a diverse thing and many things are possible, one man's milk and tea is another man's misery and all that.

So, I'd say I have a fairly , umm, unique perspective on how relationships evolve over time and still, despite the fact that my own family's circumstances might be considered to be a nightmare scenario by many, if not most people, such history doesn't preclude me from believing that two people can accomodate and love for 'most' of their lives.

Perhaps, I'm just ignoring the reality of life as it has presented itself to me over the years (ie since I can remember), but, then I think of many of my friend's parents who have been happily married for thirty years or more and I realise that, my own familial experience is simply 'one' possible nexus as opposed the the predetermined terminal point, in some etheral fatalistic relationship paradigm.

Basically.

kaimera

The thought had occured to me that I should go to amsterdam for a weekend, and pretend I slept with someone. And see how my girlfirend feels when I return. Any thoughts?

riightt...you go stirrin' **** for yourself. I'm sure you can just tell her "ah yea, only joking"

Let it go.
I've been in a similar situation recently w/my own g/f and her last b/f.
I hated him for everything he did to her and wished I could go back and change it but I couldn't.

The thoughts of what he had done was a thorn in my side and at time even affected how I was when I was *with* her.

Came to a head one day in the car. Almost ripped the handle off the door my blood was boiling so much and the hatred was unbearable.

She calmed me down and by the time we got home...[it was a 2 1/2 hr journey], I was fine.

Believe me, accepting that she is your's now and nobody else's is the easist thing you can do.

Either that or go and kick 7 shades outta the other 2 guys.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
So, I'd say I have a fairly , umm, unique perspective on how relationships evolve over

Yes, quite unique. And special. Just like everyone else.

I’m touched that you’ve not been embittered by your experiences of other peoples relationships, but that hardly gives you an understanding of how we perceive relationships as we grow older.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

AngelAine

TP...

Haven't been on in a while but in reply to your question...

If he was my first sexual partner etc would I stay with him?
Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough but I wish he was the only person I was ever with. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I hadn't lost my virginity to him.
I can understand that because your girlfriend had a past so to speak you feel like you've missed out on something. Perhaps talk to her and find out if it really lives up to what you have built it to be...

evie

Originally posted by tp129933

The thought had occured to me that I should go to amsterdam for a weekend, and pretend I slept with someone. And see how my girlfirend feels when I return. Any thoughts? [/B]

Lies lies and more lies! If anything you're making it worse by not telling her the truth (in my opinion). A relationship involves a lot of honesty and clearly is something you take for granted. I hate preaching and giving out but if you want to make things worse you're going the right way about it. Be honest with her, if you sleep with somebody in Amsterdam well and good, but don't lie about it. If she loves you she'll respect you way more for telling the truth!

About the holiday not being a good idea, I think that if you love somebody you're with them and not anybody else, you don't need to test other waters. But thats just me!

Typedef

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Yes, quite unique. And special. Just like everyone else.

I’m touched that you’ve not been embittered by your experiences of other peoples relationships, but that hardly gives you an understanding of how we perceive relationships as we grow older.

Bah, psuedo-cynicism aside, if you were so right about relationships being founded on the principal of companionship as opposed to love in 'all' instances, then it would be highly unlikely this chap would be getting married to his first girlfriend now, would it?

I'll expand on that point. Getting married to your first girlfriend, after dating her for a few years, doesn't imply you fear being alone, more, you have found a partner you wish to share your life with, which is, hopefully what marriage is all about.

If I don't want to feel alone, I'll get a goldfish or a dog, not a wife. When I court a woman, it is not because I fear being alone, but, because I either love her, or think that given the right set of circumstances I 'could' grow to love her and she me.

Plain and simple.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
Bah, psuedo-cynicism aside, if you were so right about relationships being founded on the principal of companionship as opposed to love in 'all' instances, then it would be highly unlikely this chap would be getting married to his first girlfriend now, would it?

You’re not listening, are you? I said: “It all becomes a bit more about companionship and less about fireworks.”. Not in 'all' instances and specifically in relation to as we grow older. You seem have a narrow definition of ‘love’, which is what I was trying to point out - as you grow older, it companionship supersedes the ‘fireworks’ in importance as an component of ‘love’.

So granddad, how did you find and your attitudes towards relationships develop, as you grew older?

Typedef

Originally posted by The Corinthian
So granddad, how did you find and your attitudes towards relationships develop, as you grew older?

I became less of a bastard, with women, when I grew up.

What goes around comes around and all that, be a prick with women and it 'will' come back to bite you in the ass. Treat women with respect and affection that you will get the same in kind.

At least, in theory.

I accept that perhaps vis-a-vis sex, after say thirty years, there might not be the same keeness for each other as in the first few months of a relationship, but, a change of venue, change of atmosphere etc,etc could do wonders for that I'd think.

However, without love, between two people, I personally don't think that fear of being alone is sufficient premis to base a long-term relationship on.

That is 'my' opinion and I accept there is no accounting for taste. Hopelessly romantic? Perhaps, but, on my Maslowian hirearchy of needs, 'I' need more then companionship with a woman, I need fireworks, even if the accepted wisdom (tm) is that fireworks don't last.

Basically.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
However, without love, between two people, I personally don't think that fear of being alone is sufficient premise to base a long-term relationship on.

Again, no one is saying that (although I've seen it happen).

As for the rest of your post, it bares no relevance to my point - to a point you’d rather debate, perhaps, but not to what you disagreed with.

Read what was posted again. Think about it. Come back in ten years.

Typedef

Read what was posted again. Think about it. Come back in ten years.

Yeah, people tell me that all the time.

Notably my mother and father who were younger and my age (respectively) when they got hitched. I don't do self exclusive hypocrisy, so, I guess that's not congenital.
ha.

Go figure.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
Notably my mother and father who were younger and my age (respectively) when they got hitched.

And your point being?

Gordon

Jesus H. You wouldn't believe that The Corinthian and Typedef are ol' stud muffins the way they are bickering would you?!

Back on topic etc etc.