Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide

Options
  • 04-02-2003 4:57pm
    #1
    woosaysdan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,093 ✭✭✭


    not sure if it was posted b4 but here it goes


    Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide

    Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; beer is unusually pale and clear.
    Fault: Glass empty
    Action: Find someone to buy you another beer

    Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; front of your shirt is wet
    Fault: Mouth not open when drinking OR glass applied to wrong part of face
    Action: Buy another beer and practise in front of mirror; drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique!

    Symptom: Feet cold and wet
    Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle
    Action: Turn glass other way so that open end points towards ceiling!

    Symptom: Feet warm and wet
    Fault: Improper bladder control
    Action: Go and stand next to nearest dog; after a while, complain loudly to owner about lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation!

    Symptom: Floor blurred
    Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass
    Action: Find someone to buy you another beer

    Symptom: Floor swaying
    Fault: Excessive air turbulence, probably due to air-hockey game in progress in bar
    Action: Insert broomhandle down back of shirt.

    Symptom: Floor moving
    Fault: You are being carried out.
    Action: Find out if you are simply being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

    Symptom: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strips!
    Fault: You have fallen over backwards
    Action: If your glass is full - and no one is standing on your drinking arm - stay put and carry on. If not, get someone to help you up; attach self to bar.

    Symptom: Everything has gone dim; your mouth is full of cigarette butts
    Fault: You have fallen forwards
    Action: See above

    Symptom: Everything has gone dark
    Fault: The pub is closed
    Action: Panic!!!

    Symptom: You awaken to find your bed cold, hard and wet; you can not see anything in your bedroom.
    Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter
    Action: Check your watch to see if the pubs are open yet; if not, treat yourself to a sleep-in!


Advertisement