Toilet Rules

the Guru

How to take a dump like a woman....how to take a dump like a man!!!









15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Woman:
1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own,regardless of any stomach pain may be caused whilst waiting to get home.
2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan
by your boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his p*ubic hair
off the seat with some toilet paper.
3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may
have sat on the toilet since it was last bleached).
5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back.
6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer
to squat over the seat as opposed to taking the risk of
touching it with bare flesh.
7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.
8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any f*aeces.

9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about
five or six applications per roll).
10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the paper.

11.Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to yell for your boyfriend/husband to find
some more rolls to pass through the door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sport.
12. Flush the toilet and replace the lid.

13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air
freshener.
15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your
boyfriend/husband and leave bathroom, closing the
door firmly behind you.

>=========================================================

12 Easy Steps to Poo like a Man:
1. Select reading material

2. Tell everyone along the way, ?Just going for a dump, okay??
Always tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.
3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.

4. Adjust p*enis and t*esticles to hangcomfortably without touching the toilet rim.
5. Open reading material and relax.
6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.
7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal
to experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a real man.
8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs and buttocks.
9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of any irregularities to report to friends and girlfriend/wife,
e.g. colour, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts, etc.
You must tell people about it.
10. Take long length of paper and wipe a*nus. You must look at
the paper before throwing it into the pan.
11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of
f*aeces on the paper.
12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no
circumstances attempt to clean it off. In due course, it
will come away by itself

tribble

It is quite normal
to experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb

lol:cool:

Evil Jose

Love it! Sh*t hot!!

Victor

Male consumption of toilet roll: 1 roll per month
Female consumption of toilet roll: 10 rolls per month

BabyEater

That was one of the funniest things i have read.

JohnK

thats brilliant

Karl Hungus

Anyone else notice that in the '15 steps to poo like a man' there were in fact, only 12 steps!?

Class though.

Wolf

He he.

Funney because its true!

Always got check it out and tellppl about it. Like that time i did one like a stick and it wouldnt go round the u-bend.

Sterile Fish

lol, thats funny, was a bit confused at the 12 steps for men wen it sed 15 at teh top:rolleyes: mayb the other three and

only wash ahnds if residue is visible on hands
only wash with water and avoid soap
leave door open so that the smell can inhabit the entire building

would that be accurate?

Sterile Fish

mayb the other three are** sorry, i cant type

Ixidor

there are some things you wish weren't true.....

I don't know yet if this qualifies but it's pretty close

Nietzschean

hrm its strange the accuracy a joke can reach isn't it? at some point you realise it sounds more like yourself than a joke and you shouldn't be laughing.



Naturally this doesn't apply to me mind...

Pugsley

lol, classic, pity how true it is tho

aidan_dunne

Yep, it's funny 'cos it's so, so true! Class!

RoadRunner

hahaha..
still laughing.