Signals

LegacyUser

Right, the story is.. im 20, male, not entirely unatractive.. but im absolutly useless at picking up signals. Theres not picking them up, theres not being on the same level of thinking, and then theres me. Ive lost count of the amount of times ive been talking away to women that i like, then hours later or the next day suddenly realising they were 'more than intrested'. My mates have pointed this out to me on more than one occasion.

To add to this, i wouldnt be the most forward bloke on the planet, so what ends up happening is that i start chatting away to someone, decide i quite like her, totally miss any signals she sends and end up heading off a while later thinking she wasnt intrested. Only later when i end up thinking about it again (or when a mate tells me that a friend of whoever i was talking to mentioned to them that she was intrested in me - you wont belive how many times thats happened) do i realise what happened, and then its all so blindingly obvious i kick myself.

So then, any suggestions on how i would go about being more perceptive to the fairer sex?

Xterminator

Actually, I'm exactly like you.

When a bloke is interested in a girl, he's expected to 'make a move!'
When a girl is interested, she gives off 'signals' !!!

Bullsh¦t!

Trust me when i say there are girls out there, that when they fancy you, they will make eye contact, lean in and kiss you (at the very least!).

Then you know she's interested.

X

Big Chief

ive often found myself picking up signals all wrong, all the time..

and so do my friends, to often friends are wrong to ive found, ive heard them say stuff like "yeh she keeps looking over at me, giving me signals etc", but then you end up hooking up with her friend and you hear about how her friend thinks your friend (jesus you still following me? ) is a total spak..

Im often on the wrong end of the signals myself though, women are complicated imo and unless i try and speak to them and find out for myself then i just end up wondering what could have been. I also to often can chat away for ages and then people tell me that she was clearly giving me the "all clear", but its usually at times like that where im really enjoying chatting away to them, and i usually get a phone number etc where i can get in touch with them again, and if things move on from there then so be it. (dont get me wrong, drunken occasions can turn out better depending on the circumstances )

Its upto yourself i suppose though, and just because some of your friends think she was dosent necesserily mean that is was, as ive found out for myself on more than a few occasions. All i could say is trust your on instincts and if you feel you are getting on well with a girl/woman then make the first move as women will never tend to do this.. "faint heart never won the fair maiden" and all that (yes i think this is some cheesy line to, but the point is, go for it). The worst that is possibly gonna happen is you'll get a no/slapped in the face/kneed in the groin (try to avoid 3 at all costs, especially the ones with large heels on shoes )

hmm ive kinda forgot what i was rambling on about after thinking about the pain factor of 3


Ill stop now

Beruthiel

it's quite simple Mr Anon

if the girl is actually sitting there talking to you for some time then you can straight away get the fact that she thinks you have more than one brain cell, after that it's up to you to do something about it or not........

Ixidor

don't try to understand signals...
as soon as you do they find out and change them...
women are crazy and in some cases evil.

Kali

YEp I'd agree with Beruthiel.. if shes survived more than say 10 minutes of a conversation then shes either interested in what you're saying or interested in you. A fun way to decide is to start talking absolute bollox about 15 minutes in.. if she still stays then make your move.. then again I've come across a few women who just think I've gone insane.

Typedef

sometimes I wonder why the hell I bother with women at all?

how i would go about being more perceptive to the fairer sex?


No offence mate, but, you know when a girlie is interested and when she is not. If she touches you, that is a sign, the more she touches you, the more you can derive a proposition that she is interested in you.

One way to expadite her signalling of her interest in you, is to stand in close proximity to her... and allow her to touch you, and umm if that sounds contrived and sleazy... that's because it probably is.... but, so what?

The only question is if you are prepaired to make whatever contortions of the body and soul that girlie requires to get you where you want to be (in her bed presumably).

Caesar_Bojangle

This actually happened to me last night. A girl started a conversation with me and was just meandering with the usual chit chat. At first i wasnt aware she held any interest towards me so was just playing it down, then it became quite obvious she was interested but i said fuk it why should i make the first move as the topic of conversation was still revolving around nada. So i just walked off thinking to myself if she was really that bothered, she could have been more upfront with her true intentions instead of me potentially making a complete arse of myself by going in for the kill only to be denied by lack of awareness to the signals.

LegacyUser

i am like this to. A women could be broadcasting it to the whole club she wants to get with me and i would not notice it and i would walk off thinking she is not interested.

I often go chatting to women and then find out later that they might have been interested in me. I not a fan of making the first move in case i misread the signals which has happened more times than actually getting them right.

Women are complicated species and i have taken the approach that if a women really likes me she will really make it known and until i see that i will continue to chat to women and leave when i feel like it even if i am getting signals, i need really big signals for me to act.

The outcome of this approach is that i might miss out on the women looking for fun for a night but am likely to eventuallky get a women who is really interested in me.

"Good things come to those who wait" is my motto in regards to women.

i am still waiting but it doesnt bother me.

logic1

Originally posted by Beruthiel
it's quite simple Mr Anon

if the girl is actually sitting there talking to you for some time then you can straight away get the fact that she thinks you have more than one brain cell, after that it's up to you to do something about it or not........

I wouldn't agree at all. I know alot of girls who talk to guys simply because the conversation interests them but they have absolutely no interest in the guy and would be quite taken aback if he made a move on her.

I think Typies advice is best if they touch you alot or are playful with you then it's a sure sign they're interested in a romantic sense as opposed to an intellectual sense.

.logic.

sceptre

I'm really terrible at noticing signals too. Really crap at it. So much so that I don't think I've ever noticed a signal at all.

So, given that I'm currently happy in a relationship that's three years old and mightn't be needing this trick any more, here's the solution to your problem (which has worked time and time again for me):

After you've been talking to the girl for a while (pick a time limit yourself), she falls into the "may be interested category" if she hasn't mentioned she's going out with anyone (actually, she may fall into this category regardless of whether she's mentioned a boyfriend or not but I usually liked to keep it simple rather than face the risk of having a big ape kick my door in). So what you do, assuming you're in a nightclub or pub, is steer the conversation around to body language and all that kind of thing. Most woman will grab the ball and run with it, mentioning the whole "signals" thing. if they don't, you get to run with the ball.

Here's the key: you have to mention that you're pretty bad at picking up the whole signal thing and that something more blunt usually does the job. You have now passed over the ball - it's now up to her. This was the ultimate solution in my late teens/early twenties when I wouldn't ask someone out/ask someone in if I didn't know it was going to be a sure thing. Obviously you miss out on a few opportunities but you don't get to look like an idiot in front of yourself and that's the whole point isn't it?

(note: just because I bring it up in a conversation doesn't automatically make it a come-on. Talking about idiots like me who can't spot signals is an interesting topic in itself)

If the answer to that question is "no" (and when I hit my mid-twenties, I eventually decided I didn't give a damn as I'd already slept with/gone out with more people than all my mates anyway (hence I wasn't going to look silly), even being a timid little fecker (see instructions above), you can either steer the conversation yourself and mention bluntly that even if she was giving out signals you probably wouldn't spot them or just be blunt and tell her your, er, intentions.

Personally I've found the timid approach to be better to be honest. Women think you're sensitive and sweet and all that (which I am actually but that's beside the point) because you're admitting your failings. They win, you win, everyone's happy. And that's really the whole point - apart from "getting a shag" (which I've always viewed as pretty pathetic, I like to have something in common with any girl I'm doing anything with), there really isn't any point in being with someone merely because you misrepresented yourself as something you weren't. And before going totally off-topic, I'll end there.

yellum

Originally posted by Typedef
No offence mate, but, you know when a girlie is interested and when she is not. If she touches you, that is a sign, the more she touches you[/B]

Not all girls will touch the bloke though. Some are just as shy as Mr Anon and would probably be dead embarassed if they accidently brushed up against you. If they're giving 100% of their attention and don't seem to notice anything else around them thats a good sign.

Beruthiel makes most sense, and shes female too so knows what shes on about when talking about signs that girls give out. Kalis idea is pretty good actually, try that.

I always manage to get the message that a girls in to me and not just finding me interesting. Its around then that I start talking about the holiday I went on last year with my ex BOYFRIEND or yeah that was an excellent movie alright but my BOYFRIEND at the time hated it when we saw it in the cinema.

It was suggested to me by one girl that maybe I could be Bi, but I said nope I wasn't. She was trying to convince me that maybe deep down I was. Poor girl ... don't know why she thought I was attractive.

lordsippa

Erm... y'know... I hate to be a radical liberalist free thinking hippy <ok so i lie, i am one> but...

Not all woman are the same. Some are teases, and will expect you to realise that somehow. Some are very reserved. Others are easy to read. And lots of grey areas!

My 2c anyway

smiles

If you think she likes you, or if you like her then make a move, what have you got to lose?

I've had plenty of guys (ego boost :P ) come up to me in the last couple of weeks in clubs, bars, whatever and after chatting for a few they tend to lean in or pull me closer, a smile and a shaking head and "sorry, no" tend to be enough for them to back off, and there's no harm done.

<< Fio >>

pickarooney

About ten minutes into the conversation, tell her you're gay, and watch her reaction. Any obvious signs of disappointment and you know you're in there, in which case you have to explain quickly that it was an elaborate hoax and aren't you quite the wheeze, now about that shag...

monument

If you do this ^^^ Don't wait for the slap on the face or kick in the balls, just run!

Typedef

.logic.
intellectual sense.

haha good one.

logic1

Originally posted by Typedef
haha good one.

Obviously that wouldn't apply where you're concerned Typie. If they don't get physically sick on you it's a good day right?

.logic.

Typedef

.logic.

I just don't subscribe to the notion that men and women are 'ever' just friends, ever. 'Intellectual' intercourse, is intercourse all the same.

Ok, so some chicks are more tactile then others, but, at the end of the day, a man can tell when a woman is flirting with him, or more accurately, a man can tell when 'his' own flirting is having effect.

Again, (men & woman) ! = friends, there is always the 'prospect' of sex hanging in the background. Now, maybe you have '*cough' girls who are your 'intellectual friends', but, you can't tell me, that there is no unspoken air of sexual tension, no matter how subtely it might be masked behind mere 'friendship'. Well you could tell me.... but, I'd just give you one of those "yeah sure whatever 'friends'" looks.

ha

logic1

Originally posted by Typedef
.logic.

I just don't subscribe to the notion that men and women are 'ever' just friends, ever. 'Intellectual' intercourse, is intercourse all the same.

Ok, so some chicks are more tactile then others, but, at the end of the day, a man can tell when a woman is flirting with him, or more accurately, a man can tell when 'his' own flirting is having effect.

Again, (men & woman) ! = friends, there is always the 'prospect' of sex hanging in the background. Now, maybe you have '*cough' girls who are your 'intellectual friends', but, you can't tell me, that there is no unspoken air of sexual tension, no matter how subtely it might be masked behind mere 'friendship'. Well you could tell me.... but, I'd just give you one of those "yeah sure whatever 'friends'" looks.

ha

Actually I have quite a few women who are very close friends with absolutely no sexual tension between us. My mother for example. Not even the slightest hint of oedipus.

Your comment is open ended and unspecific. Please try again.

.logic.

Typedef

Blood relatives are generally described as relatives as opposed to friends (exclusively).

Thus conjunction of a blood relative who is 'also' a friend is a different proposition to a non-relative (female) who is a 'friend'.

I'll concede the point that you have female friends..... or at least... that's what said females are called.

What they really are is potential mates. (no pun), yes that sounds a little chauvinist, I just happen to think that there is almost always some sort of sexual pretext, spoken or unspoken (or even acknowledged) when men and women interact, with each other.

evie

It's like sceptre said, or at least I think he said, about steering the conversation, if you can steer the conversation towards what YOU want to talk about , you're in there! You can find out does she have a boyfriend, partner etc and work from there. If girls aren't interested, they will generally lie to get you off their case.

However. you have to be subtle! Guys, in my experience, tend to wade in with their size 12s. Be subtle, don't grab her ass, wait for her to grab yours! I would not be the most outgoing person on the planet, but when I first met my boyfriend, I was the one who did all the kissing and believe me, he was a major exception t the rule!

So, in conclusion, wait for her to make the moves, if she really wants you she'll get you! She certainly shouldn't give up a nice guy like you!!

Good luck!

Samba

No offence mate, but, you know when a girlie is interested and when she is not. If she touches you, that is a sign, the more she touches you, the more you can derive a proposition that she is interested in you

Eh no, some women are like this with everyone, I refer to them as the touchie feely type, sometimes yes it can be a signal but it can also simply be in the girls nature.

Typedef

Originally posted by Samba
Eh no, some women are like this with everyone, I refer to them as the touchie feely type, sometimes yes it can be a signal but it can also simply be in the girls nature.

However, if a girl touches you, it shows that she is comfortable with you, it has to be one of the most easily ascertainable 'signs', bar her simply snogging the face off of you or saying out loud "Why yes I am physically interested in you".

I supose I take a Pulp Fiction foot massage view of things like this.
So, ok, offically a girl touching you, is no biggie, neither is massaging her feet, but just like John Travolta said in the movie, there is an unspoken sensuality about the act, in that, it's not taboo, but, it is, slightly erotic.

Or say, when I give a girl a lift on the back of my motorcycle and invariably her thighs end up quite close to touching mine for the entire ride, 'technically' this is just giving her a lift, but, to say that there is no implied sexual content, is, I think a step too far.

Ok, you might disagree and say some girls are the touchy feely type, but, don't you think that, that sort of tactile chick is intrinsically sensual and thus, how can one claim a lack of sensuality about the act of female initiated physical contact, or any sort of consentual male/female physical contact paradigm?

Beëlzebooze

Or say, when I give a girl a lift on the back of my motorcycle and invariably her thighs end up quite close to touching mine for the entire ride, 'technically' this is just giving her a lift, but, to say that there is no implied sexual content, is, I think a step too far.

him: Hi, can I give you a ride?
her: excuse me???
him: haha, no... on my motorbike
her: WHAT??


yeah right no sexual content what so ever....ye pervy

Moomoo

Ok, this one is for sure and certain:

If she maintains an eye contact with you, she is definitely interested.

If she keeps looking away, don't bother. She just feels uncomfortable and it's not likely to work.

monument

It could be the "stop looking at me, you freak" look

DriftingRain

Instead of telling you what to look for I 'll tell you what I do if I am intrested in a guy that way maybe you will get abit of a hint.
If I am intrested in a guy the first thing I do is body language. I bat my eyes, smile, wave or blink an eye and maybe even go up to him and ask him to dance then I dance close to him. Then if we strike up conversation, I talk to him about anything. If I still think it is going well I write my number on a napkin and give it to him. Hope this helps!:p

Pimp Ninja

Personally I'm just as useless when it comes to signals.. But I'm even more useless at taking initiative. Take the night I met my current girlfriend.

I went into a bar on my own, waiting for the lads, that never showed up but thats another story. Well I was sitting there drinking a pint, and this beautiful girl came in with her friend. Oh man I thought she was georgous. She walked down the stairs as she came in, we made eye contact.

She sat at a table just off to the right of my line of sight. I couldnt keep my eyes off of her, and she caught me looking a couple of times. But it seemed that she was doing the same thing. Looking back at me when I was busy reading the bottom of my glass. I caught her once or twice.

I decided one more would give me the courage to go and say hello, so I went and got another drink. I sat back down, and half an hour later the drink was empty, and the Duch Courage was still not present. One more quick drink then I'd say something, half way through she started walking over, I dismissed it as she was walking to the bathroom, because I was pretty much between her and it, and looked away. I looked back up, and she was standing in front of me.

"You look lonely" were the first words out of her mouth. Anyway we got stuck into conversation and 2 hours later we were still chatting, she had only left to bring over her drink from her friends table, and check was her friend allright with the guy that was chatting her up. She'd left the pint there as an emergency escape route, sneaky fecker...

Ok so we have been talking for about 2 or 3 hours, I've bought a round or 2, were half way through the drinks, and she goes to the bathroom. I'm thinking 'oh man I must be in here, I'll do something when she gets back.'

She comes back up from the bathroom and then bam we're all over each other, orally that is.

Now to this day, 4 years on, she still slags me about this. I dont remember any signals, I dont remember making the move. But she tells me that when she was on her way back from the bathroom she had something that she wanted to talk about. But next thing BAM I was half way down her throat.

So even though I saw no signal other than she approached me, and stayed for 2 hours. I went for it. She felt a little insulted that I was so direct, but hell it paid off. I'm still with her to this day.

The point I'm making is, you've never known this person before, and most likely, if she remains uninterested, will never see them again. Chances are if they've left their friends to come and talk to you for 2 hours or so, it's probably a good signal in itself.
So what have you got to loose???

irishgeo

dont think i ever could talk to a girl for 2 hours so maybe thats where i am going wrong.

mooman_00

Originally posted by logic1
I wouldn't agree at all. I know alot of girls who talk to guys simply because the conversation interests them but they have absolutely no interest in the guy and would be quite taken aback if he made a move on her.

I think Typies advice is best if they touch you alot or are playful with you then it's a sure sign they're interested in a romantic sense as opposed to an intellectual sense.

.logic.

yes but watch out for touchy talky women

they touch a lot, talk to you a lot and for some time, they always look really fit and listen to all the bollox you let dippble from your mouth but they still dont mean anything by it.
But otherwise if your gettin the talkin closely followed by the touchin then your on the right track..personally im not big on runnin around after women if i get talkin to someone and they show definite intrest ill chance em, but this policy has its drawbacks too.