Apologies if this is found to be offensive...

sunbeam

When you start to try to address problems that have been bothering you for a long time it can often feel scary and/or overwhelming-that's perfectly normal. That's one of the reasons why it is good to see a trained counsellor who is skilled in helping people go through that process. It can be tempting to just continue to bottle things up, but eventually they may come out in other ways...

Sir

it's just kind of frustrating when i lie awake thinkin about it. i mean when i didnt talk about problems or fears or whatever with people it was easier for me coz people didnt equate my actions or whatever with how i was feeling emotionally they didnt read so much into them and they didnt have so much of a problem with me

or so it seemed...

I dunno...

I reallly hope this counselling works out though coz i can't see any way out of this...

Kell

In my experience real friends dont look at your problems first and then decide how to react with you. Knowing somebodies issues is just something that you should bear in mind when handling them but by no means should they be inclined either to walk on egg shells or ignore you.

There are friends you have yet to meet who will treat you the same all the time, with respect and love irrelevent of your problems or issues, unless you tell them otherwise so just give yourself an opportunity to find them. This may come across as being a little harsh, but from experience, the only person stopping you getting out of your hole is you. (Seriously no offense intended)

Sir

Dont worry no offence taken

I really want to get out there and meet new people (cheesey) but the i find that im too shy to approach people or whatever about going to things. Nearly all the people in my class or my "friends" from aroudn where i live aren't into the same types of music as me so wont go to gigs. They wont go to films or go to sporting events either. They dont ike the books or films i like and i find that im always the one who settles for whatever it is that they want to do for entertainment. it's difficult to get an intelligent conversation out of them about anything really unless they have a problem and then they talk to/at me.

I want to go to loads of things with people who have similar interests coz im fed up just going to things coz it's what everyone else wants to do and im just trying to appease them.

I find it hard to go to many of the things im into because they take place in town and its kiind of awkward when there's no one local going in with regards transportation (getting nite links afterwards or whatever) id feel unsafe goin in on my own.

I've gone to one or two things on my own but felt a bit awkward or out of place.

Cant win hehe!

decob

Originally posted by Sir
I really want to get out there and meet new people (cheesey) but the i find that im too shy to approach people or whatever about going to things. Nearly all the people in my class or my "friends" from aroudn where i live aren't into the same types of music as me so wont go to gigs. They wont go to films or go to sporting events either. They dont ike the books or films i like and i find that im always the one who settles for whatever it is that they want to do for entertainment. it's difficult to get an intelligent conversation out of them about anything really unless they have a problem and then they talk to/at me.

I suppose a good place to start is to try out the Clubs or Socs in your college, you did say in a previous post that you were a member of a few... it's never too late to get involved.. You should find people there with similar tastes/interests.

Riamfada

But before he deletes it..... .WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>

that is all

smiles

You're not being tedious, take as long and as many posts as you want.

<< Fio >>

Doodee

Sir, you should try goto the boards drinkies, i mean, there are so many different boards users now, and incredibly varied tastes.
Do u have any hobbies that are related to any of the boards forums?

I tend to find that if u can find something to break the ice with a person (in my college class it was CS) and you just build up your conversations around that, and the person trust, ou will be able to tell if the person is genuine, eventually u should be able to talk to them, but alot of ppl become worried if u rush in and just start blurting out your problems, its a sorta hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. and also, sometimes they have enough on their own plate.

But you hould definitly watch who you talk to about stuff, some could come back and bite u in the ass, even if they are your best friends (or seem that way)
thats whats happened to me, but as the saying goes
"Whats not killing us is making us stronger"

mooman_00

Originally posted by Sir
Well in the past i figured that no one wanted to hear about my stupid problems so i was always the one who listened and tried to help them out. When i did go to these people for help which was quite rare but always because i genuinely needed help they weren't available and so i just had to accept that i suppose. I eventually began bottling everything up. Untill recently when i Mr X actually seemed genuine enough to talk to. I started to find it easier to open up to people but some people resented that and couldnt take the fact that i wasnt as i dunno what the word is im looking for maybe "stable!as they thought, but thats not really right. I then began to feel guilty for showing that i was vulnerable because it wasnt workiing for me either but by now its all just gotten so much that i cant supress it any more....

Sorry for moaning so much

I feel stupid for talking to people about this because it is stupid

Hey hope your ok at the mo,
everyone's problems are stupid and redicilous and embarrasing etc (like my inability to spell *redicilous*) i know **** loads of mine are what i consider so stupid that they are the last thing id tell anyone. I too bottle everything up, seriously i tell no one about most of the shiit going on with me, but im not suicidal, its not like ive never thought about it though. As far as my friends are concerned I'm always laughing always taking the piiss etc nothin seems to get me down and in public it doesn't im always in top form, the truth is usually far from reality, but thats the way i am.Im from a small enough town few thousand or so and In the past 2 years ive seen the suicides of four of my friends ranging from 18 t0 36 and one attempted suicide every one of them seemed happy and stable until finally when it was too late we realise how upset they were . The point im very slowly trying to get at is that no one is stable every ones life is shiit in some way, and getting help is the only way out. As for your friends what they done to you sounds very harsh,personally ive spent the first two years of college asleep, seriously i woke around 2 o clockpm and went to sleep around 4-5 am, a good day involved going to the shop for fags as i actually left the house.During this time i also used to wonder why sometimes my college friends never called around or why my friends from home never called or txted me, that used get me down a lot aswell. Lokkin back at it now i realise that they have their lives to live and their own problems to deal with, unless you let them know you have a problem how are they supposed to figure it out, and i often think to my self how often do i call around to people i havent seen recently or how often do i call the lads back home and i wonder who am i lettin down?

I dunno if thats any help id be surprised if it was but itll pass a few minutes of boredom reading it anyway i tend to ramble a lot.

And finally with regards to a councellor, i feel personally its the only answer, i cant tell my friends cuz off embarrasment etc but rambling on to a stranger whos gettin paid to listen doesnt seem so bad, think about it you posted your feelings here now go post them to your councellor(or maybe just tell him)

As for me im gonna have to go to one next year otherwise ill have spent three years of college in bed withnothing to show but a handfull of completed games and a belly(im too lazy to go the gym even though i love it)

chat ya later!!

Kell

Originally posted by Sir
I find it hard to go to many of the things im into because they take place in town and its kiind of awkward when there's no one local going in with regards transportation

What sort of things are you into and is transport an issue in the area you live in i.e. is there a lack of regular buses.

Separate topic- mods, any more news on this OLD SKOOL do on the 21st? I for one would really like to go but I am classed as to much of a newbie. Please, can we all come? Please.

SOL

You really should Stop apologising,
But with regards a councillor, usually talking out your problems even without trying to solve them improves things alot, and if you don't like talking to a councillor face to face you can always ring samaritains, and also you shild consider taking up a new sport or musical instrument or something, like rockclimbing, cause the climbing walls out in DCU are pretty slick,
Anyway, i'm done telling you what to do and if you want to scream at me for being an idiot feel free, and if you do be sure not to apologise for it.

Sir

OK im in DCU and im in the following clubs and socs

Media Production Society
Caving Club
Canoe Club
Ladies GAA
Ladies Soccer
Liverpool supporters society hehe
Archery
Drama
Sailng Club (dont ask)
Climbing Club
Film Society
Tag Rugby

I think thats all cant remember went a bit mad on clubs and socs day...

Sir

I am a girl by the way for those of you that missed that above

decob

Originally posted by Sir
OK im in DCU and im in the following clubs and socs

Media Production Society

Bar 2 weeks of the year (DCU FM and DCU TV) they sux... oh hybrid is good tho.

Drama

Ususally do some good stuff, but they all get worked up over each production...

I think thats all cant remember went a bit mad on clubs and socs day...

As do most first years, tho i notice the lack of Redbrick, you \re probably more likely to find more like-minded people on RB in relationation to your musical tastes etc..

lili

sir,
i haven't read all the posts, but seems to me that for someone who think she is not an interesting person, you got many answers, means something no?;)
don't worry, i think many persons are able to understand you and had the same feelings but as said a poster in the first page of the thread who knows what the life reserves to you? one day, when you will expected the less, something will happen in your life and will transform all this grey in pink, trust me

Sir

I was told to join redbrick alright but the guy at the stand wasnt too clear as to what they did etc so i left it.

Meh!

Bit late in the year now at this stage methinks

WhiteWashMan

whatever you think, taking your life is the most selfish thing you can ever do.
it will kill your parents (scuse the pun) and destroy your family life. notes do not suffice as a way of saying goodbye, your family and friends will never get closure and to be honest, it will be the most awful thing that ever happens intheir life.
to commit suicide is the most awful and stupid and selfish thing a person can ever do.
there are always ways out, and if you cant find one, then you are not looking hard enough or you are not trying hard enough.
if you are not doing either of these things, then you are looking for attention and you dont even realise it.

otherwise, keep asking people, keep looking, and just keep on keeping.
it will actually look a lot better.
by the way, i went to dcu many years ago, but its all changed now! i did physics and electronics. to be honest, that made me want to throw myself of the henry gratton building more than a few times.
find something you like, and keep on trucking....

Silent Grape

/gordonedit - whoa there silentgrape! Please recheck the post as originally intended.

thedrowner

sir-i'll text you and we'll meet up this week (im going to london on fri for a week) if you want. honestly, you are not boring like you claim to be....yer a little shy is all (and God knows around me i'd talk everyone into silence) but not boring!!!!!

the councillor's great. with me he didnt have to do any work he just sat theyre and watched me advise myself out of a situation. he didnt have to do much with me at all by the end. ;)stop feeling like you're not worth all this effort! you are!i know it's not as easy as that but i think that's what getting to you. if the councillor can help you with that than great, i know i felt like a real idiot spilling out my heart and feeling like surely my troubles were so much less than everyone elses but that's what he/she's there for, and it can take a few sessions before you start benefitting.

you sound like you haven't had much luck with friends. at least you know that you deserve better friendship's than the ones you are getting. i'm lucky, in that ive found friends who have been pretty much there for me though it all even when i went off the rails a bit and it wouldve been easier for them to just walk away. but it's kind of like finding that special someone...you'll eventually click with certain friends-it's a bit of a trial and error.

none of my closest friends are into the same kind of music, or nightlife as i'm into, but i didnt feel it was essential thing. i've made more friends (like yourself) who i can go out and enjoy that with, coz my friend's never be seen caught dead at some of the gig's i go to. it's annoying that i can't share stuff like that with them, but you can't have everything. i did spend a while just missing out until i decided to do something about it. bear in mind that no ones perfect and you're friends will have some faults, and wont share all the same tastes as you but to be a friend yourself you have to overcome that.

ah....it's half one. none of this has probably helped you....i tend to go on about really irellavant things for ages. like how i can't spell irellevant. ewwwwww.....steve-o from jack ass is GROSS.

Amz

Meh! I dont give a **** anymore so im posting as myself...

Things were going very well this week In so far as (one word hehe) i finally felt i was gaining some clarity in my life i was finally starting to sort things out and exorcise my demons.

As you can see from the time im posting this at im not sleeping because I received several pleasant phone calls and voice messages at half 3 which woke me up. I feel like total ****e now and there's no way im going to get asleep before ive to get up for college i woke my parents up which is ****ng fantastic!

Im sorry but this has really done it!

How the hell am i supposed to function?!

I really cant take it!

How am i supposed to feel?

People really surprise you sometimes and i dont mean in a good way.

DriftingRain

First, I think that maybe a good vacation away from everyone you know is in order. A new surrounding where you can take a good look at yourself and a good look at the world around you.

Second, start a journal. This can help your college counselor help you. If he knows how you feel the the moment you write something he can help you sort out that feling.

Third, Everyone that has replied to this post wants to be a friend or they wouldn't have replied.

Fourth, Downer wants and is tring to be your buddy. Take the time to let her help you from her past dealings. She knows what it is like to want someone to listen to you.

Fifth, Anytime you want to PM me go ahead. I can listen all day long if need be.

Sixth, I once knew a girl in school that had her journal published by her counselor. Good things CAN come out of your situation! Keep your chin up.

Seventh, Whenever I feel like I am crap this is what I do, I donate time to a local hospital. Talk to people. If you make one person laugh then you can know your day isn't wasted. Anywhere you can go to help someone else out is great. I also know that a local church may be able to help you find a place. There are tons of people that NEED someone else. When you feel at your very worst know there is someone out there that is NEEDING you! I know it is hard to feel needed when everything seems to go to crap when you touch it. But helping someone else can never go to crap. It may be your genorisity that keeps someone else going on knowing there are people in this world that care.

Good Luck Honey!
With love,
Candi:)

thedrowner

Originally posted by DriftingRain
Fourth, Downer wants and is tring to be your buddy. Take the time to let her help you from her past dealings. She knows what it is like to want someone to listen to you.

get out of this if you can!!!! once you befriend me you can't get ouuuuuuuut

drifting rain...its cool....she already is a mate of mine. I just didnt know it was her posting this until a few messages ago. (and no im not one of the mean people who didnt listen to her)

what happened last night amz? was it just that your parents got woken up or was it the messages themselves. were they left by mr x?

Amz

Mr X phoned at half 3 looking for the password to a journal which he had GIVEN to me. I wasnt going to give them to him because i havent saved all my entries to disc and deleted the ones from the journal

I had planned to give him the passwords etc when i finished doing all that but he became quite abusive and nasty so im still very upset about it. There really was no need for him to be like that particularly at that hour of the morning

He got pissed off at me coz i said i wanted to sleep (then of course i wasnt able to sleep)

He's such a selfish b"stard im only sorry i didnt realise that 7 months ago

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Amz

He's such a selfish b"stard im only sorry i didnt realise that 7 months ago

dont worry about 7 months ago.

you know now.

and thats always a good start.

we all make mistakes, we all pay for them eventually, and in time, they all get better

trust me.

thedrowner

gggrrrrrrrrrr-ignore him, you can do better than him.
i was just thinking.....i hope i've got the right mr x in my head, coz there;s actually 2 possibilties-mr x is the one who annoys the **** out of everyone yeah? if so.....you know youre not alone in feeling like you do about him!!!!! if i see him, he's in danger of having his you kno what ripped off and stapled to his head

anyone who brings you down like that isnt worth getting upset over. easier said than done, but stop to have a think about it, and maybe it'll become clear.

banquo

if you're feeling that bad, i reccomend a COMPLETE change in surrounding. go mad. spend a year in vienna or prague or somewhere. this may be hard i realise if you feel deserted by your friends, so maybe just go for a weekend to london at first just to get used to it. The easter holidays are coming up, you could go then. I know how a lack of confidence can make you feel silly. trust me; if you do anything, do this. may as well sure.

I also reccomend a "sure, what the hell. **** 'em anyway.", attitude towards people you don't like, or you feel get in your way. No-one has permission to ruin your day or piss you off unless you give them permission.
also, talk to some guys; girls can be real bitches when it comes to other girls/ guys are toostupid to be anything but nice, albeit in a dopey kind of way.

Amz

Well to be honest RE: talkng to guys My best friend was a guy and he's the one who i feel most abandoned by now (we were just friends nothing else before people start assuming ah she's feeling pissed off coz her boyfriend and her are broken up) I dont usuallly hang out with many girls anyway because the bitchiness and ritual parading to the toilets every five minutes pisses me off!

Id love to get away from this country but at the moment i feel i cant afford it fristly and secondly i probably wouldnt feel safe going off somewhere on my own... but it is something i will keep in mind. I may go to Munich or something during the summer but i dont know if that would work out.

Thanks for your advice

imp

Maybe a change in surroundings would be beneficial. Munich's always helped me out whenever I've gone... if that makes any sense. Maybe you should try getting a discount holiday through USIT, even a short break could help.

As for the going alone thing, I'm not sure what would be the best way to sort that out. Whatever you do make sure you're entirely comfortable with whoever you go with, or if you go on your own. But the Germans are mostly very nice anyhows...

And now I'm rambling...

}:>

Amz

I love Munich so its always been somewhere id feel comfortable. A girl i know well is going there to work during the summer and she offered me the chance to come stay with her for a week or two so i may look into that if she doesnt mind. I always wanted to see germany unrestricted by school trip schedules so this might be a good time to do so.

SOL

Munichs good, also for feeling better, i reccommend listening to good music, like happy stuff. and also yeah like

Third, Everyone that has replied to this post wants to be a friend or they wouldn't have replied.

as drifting rain said, we wouldn't be replying if we didn't care so feel free to pm about it,
and lastly, there appears to be less apologising, good work

Amz

Thanks SOL!

I've been meaning to say this before now but thanks so much to everyone who replied to this thread and sent me (Sir) PMs you have really no idea how much you've all helped me!

I've been doing much better the last few days I think my confidence is returning slightly which im happy with because it means i can really starting getting my life back together.

Anyway thanks a million again!
I appreciate it so much!

(Sorry) for not thanking you all sooner)

Stanley_kubrick

I feel like suicide sumtimes.But nah.As said before we all have families and women who look on us as gods.GODS!!!!Death isnt worth the smile you get from a girl walking past u when you are alive.Personally i dont get many smiles but i dont care.I havent done much in my life.I havent acommplished nothing only the satisfaction i get from dowloading movies and watching them on my tv.Nothing else to do.I find myself depressed when im outside and away from what i love.So i stay i as much as i can and avoid issues like war and those ads which braodcast poverty and disease.In the end we all have our breaking point.I have mine.Thats the fact that there is one person in this world with a reason to hate me.I did the dirt on her with our best freind.All i wanna do is say sorry.But i cant.Y'know why?The group they hang around with use me as a scapegoat for their lies and deception.There isnt one day that goes by that i dont think what they say about me.I got used, i loved and i got my heart broke but i dont think whipping a stereo into my bath is the answer.Dont worry folks ill say sorry someday.Ive got all the time in the world.The time for regrets has ended.Live your life and be someone.And say sorry to those who hate you.Cuz i cant.