3 old but still funny tales!

Joriain · 19-02-2003 10:59am #1

Subject: THREE WORST NIGHTMARES

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled
over, pulled
out a
cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to
find it,
he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she
replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box
of matches

sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally,
the
guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the
operation."

NIGHTMARE #2

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was
trying
to think
of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and
found
his wife
asleep in bed.

He thought to himself, "what should I do?"
"Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go
down on
his wife.

Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.
After a few
minutes,
her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.
Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to
brush his
teeth. When
he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there
shaving
her legs.
He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?"
She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake
your mother"

NIGHTMARE #3

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are
about to
kiss each
other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling
a little
horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against
the wall
and
smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow
job?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see
us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks
grinning
at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh
yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you..."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the
girl's
sister
shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy
voice
she says,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can
do it Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for
God's
sake tell
him to take his hand off the intercom!"