Just plain ol' joke's

hells angels

CAN I ASK YOU ALL TO RATE THIS THREAD PLEASE?????

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First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needin' "
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender
Two lovely hips to increase his desire
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing
Then he added a mouth......

Ruined the whole effin thing!!!!!

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An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?"
"Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!", the Irishman replies.
The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key."
About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's penis is being exhibited
for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The Irishman looks down woefully and moans -
"OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"

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For some the romance never dies...
An elderly couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.

#........ "To get my FúCKIN teeth!"

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President George W. and Colin Powell are drinking in a pub close Old Town Square in Prague. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III," and the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 40 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

A little perplexed the guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 40 million Iraqis.

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A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot it out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops SHI_T on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of SHI_T is your friend.
3) When you're in deep SHI_T, keep your mouth shut!
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jonno

I like them especially the one with the Irish Man losing everything:D

nanook

like the two oldies in the leaba, that brought a smile.

mechanix

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three pints. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."

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Pugsley

Some great ones there, the last one is great

hells angels

Hay Mechanix.quit stealin my limelight please or at least dont b cumin up with better 1's then me....:(

I'll get courtney to ban ur bitCh ass....:D

The Reaper

Good one Mechanix!
shut up hells angels!

hells angels

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

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One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosties back in the box!''

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Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

the other blonde yells back"You are on the other side,"

The Reaper

Originally posted by hells angels
Fúck u Punk.....I vwil krush you like A bug

dont talk bull**** u cudnt even crush a bug