Just plain ol' joke's
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First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needin' "
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender
Two lovely hips to increase his desire
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing
Then he added a mouth......
Ruined the whole effin thing!!!!!
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?"
"Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!", the Irishman replies.
The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key."
About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's penis is being exhibited
for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The Irishman looks down woefully and moans -
"OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"
For some the romance never dies...
An elderly couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
#........ "To get my FúCKIN teeth!"
President George W. and Colin Powell are drinking in a pub close Old Town Square in Prague. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III," and the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 40 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
A little perplexed the guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 40 million Iraqis.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot it out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops SHI_T on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of SHI_T is your friend.
3) When you're in deep SHI_T, keep your mouth shut!
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