Dealing with a possible terminal illness [not my own]

kaimera

A good [guy] friend of mine recently found a lump.

Apparently it had been there a while and had done nothing but this was a number of months down the line and it was still there.

Doctor gave him medication to see if the lump went away.
Week later, no change.
Refered to neurologist.
Turns out he's gotta wait till MAY to see this guy ffs.

Now I'm not supposed to know any of this. Reason i DO know is that me and my girlfriend are good mates with him and he's been telling her all this.
[easier to open your heart to a female ]

She's all worked-up cos she's doesn't know what to say to him and I'm at a loss as to what i can do about both of them.

I cant just txt him and say "hey listen, heard about whats happened."

The way i see it is if he wanted me to know he'd tell me.

That said, he told my g/f so prolly knew she'd tell me.

I dont know what to tell my g/f to stop her from getting worked up.
I mean, I've told her umpteen times there's nothing to worry about and the best thing she can do is to just be there and listen to him.

anybody been in anysort of similar situation?

advice welcomed.

Gordon

Gosh sorry to hear that, I haven't been in a similar situation so wouldn't know how to handle it through experience.

First thing though, I think you should get your girlfriend to tell him that she has told you. No point in keeping secrets like that. If she wants to break him in gently then ask him if it is ok to tell you and if he says "well, no not really" then she may need to come clean. Lets be honest here - if I had a terminal illness I would want to live every day like it took me a millenium to walk to and now I am here in that day. Why bother with cloaks and veils.

Get the fact that you know out of the way and lend a shoulder to your/her mate, if you would like to get involved that is.

logic1

I've been in a similar situation a few times. TBH probably the only reason he hasn't told you is that he's embarrased. Is the lump on his testicles? Most guys aren't gonna tell another guy they found a lump down there.

If I was you I'd sit him down with your gf and yourself and in a non-confrontational manner just say "look you know myself and <insert gf's name here> have no secrets from each other and she's told me you're worried about something. Is there anything I can do to help or would you like to talk about it?"

If he freaks out and overreacts (which is doubtful but I don't know the guy) then you've done nothing wrong and he'll see that eventually but if he's really worried about it he'll probably just tell you and feel better that he's shared the problem with a mate.

Girl I know had a lump was all worried got it checked out and it turned out to be nothing more than swollen glands. On the other hand my uncle had a lump and died

He won't know for sure what it is until they do more tests in may but I reckon he'd be happier to have more friends to talk to about this until then.

.logic.

kaimera

yaa logic..tis indeed a lump on his testicles.

worst nightmare eh? [well..aside from waking up and it's gone :eek:]

I'm guessing I'll talk to my g/f after work and try n arrange something where we can clear the air so to speak.

Cheers for the advice guys.

sisob

It's slightly different but about a year and a half
ago i "found a lump". Turned out to be a malignant bastard too. I'll spare you the details
but it got quite big.

I went from doctor to doctor for a month until
I got to a urolagist who brought me in for
surgery 2 days later. I had 4 months of
chemotheraphy and was grand until I
developed a secondary on my lung. Now
that one is almost gone.

My cancer is extremely active. My tumours
tend to double in size in a matter of weeks,
but because they were cought early I'm
alive and well and don't plan on dieing
any time soon.

Are you sure that he is going to see a
neurologist not a uroligist{sp?}. I had to wait
3 weeks to see my uroligist which was a
PITA. Especially when he told me he would
have seen me sooner if he new my condition.
So if you do talk to you friend about this
you should suggest that he makes sure the
doctor know what's going on and that
waiting may be quite dangerous.

As for the people effected by cancer, I know
that I much prefered having it than having
someone I love have it. It's always going
to be hard seeing someone go through
it. But don't forget, there is a MASSIVE
survival rate from testicular cancer,
don't get sucked into the media hype that
cancer == death.

kaimera

*hmm* uroligist seems more appropriate!

I know there's a 90+% survival from testicular cancer but afaik, the lump has been there from last summer so ...I dunno.

Glad things worked out the best for you sisob

It's like, I'm not sure how to ring it up with him. I mean, we've talked since he found out [and I knew] and it's been fine.

I dont want things to become weird ya know?

DriftingRain

It is just always best go with the flow. He is just feeling weird right now. When the time is right he will open up to you. TRy to plan a guy weekend. Do a sporting event or some guy thing and in the midst of the trip he is more than likely to open on up and spill the beans to you. Good luck with it, and prayers for your friend!

LegacyUser

a firend of mine found a lump and the doctor said it was ok and to come back in a couple of months, when he did it had grown, so he was referred to a specialist and it turned out to be a cyst (sp?) and he got it removed and it was fine.