irish quotes

davelerave

Irish Quotes:

A man has been found dead stuffed into a briefcase floating on the Grand
canal-Gardai are treating it as suspicious!!!
RTE Radio 1 News July 2001

"When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd scored
one."
RTE Commentator George Hamilton

"The referendum went as most people hoped it would."
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic
Process.

"Clap your feet!"
Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.

"He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"
George Hamilton as Butregueno comes off against Ireland.

"The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to
feed them?"
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism by putting
gondolas on Blessington Lake.

"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."
Rev. Ian Paisley

"What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
consumer."
Aer Lingus spokesman.

"Deep down I'm a very shallow person."
Charles Haughey.

"I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play
it."
Jack Charlton on hurling.

"Outside HIV in Grafton Street."
Gay Byrne plugging Hothouse Flowers appearance.

CONCERNED RAPIST WORE A CONDOM Evening Herald

SHARING THE BURDEN OF SCHIZOPHRENIA Irish Times

DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.

"A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into an
allegation that a local garda shot a cow .... There has been no
statement from the cow."
The Irish Press.

"I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo. They can go
out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play
bingo. And they deserve it."
John B. Keane.

"I was called out to a non-existant phone call. When I returned I lifted
my glass, smelled and said 'My God, this is foul, it smells like piss'.
A voice from the back called but whose?'."
Wine connoisseur T. P. Whelehan at a tasting in Trinity College.

Ludicrous. Ridiculous."
1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary defines the word 'Irish'.

Get married again."
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the widows' pension.

"I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's enough."
Keith Duffy of Boyzone.

"Bosco is a Bollox! Bosco is a Bollox!"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the
background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial
break during 'Dempsey's Den'. Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.

Larry Gogan: "With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?"
Contestant: "Hamlet."

Larry Gogan: "Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? I'll give you a
hint. It's something you suck...."
Contestant: "Oh, Dickie Davies." (Murray Walker is the correct answer)

Larry Gogan: "What was Jeeves' occupation?"
Contestant: "He was a carpenter."

Larry Gogan: "Complete this well known phrase. 'As happy as.....' hint
think of me."
Contestant: "A pig in ****e."

Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just
a Minute quiz) - "Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did
they?"
Caller: "Ah go fu*k off Larry you're only an old bollo x."

Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be
buried or cremated when they die) - "Would you like to be buried or
cremated?"
Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?"
Caller: "Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!"

Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Gogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blow job!"

ManWithThePlan

Hehe! Alot of good ones there!

Tyrrial

that really is cool!