The Best Chain Email Ever Written

Chinafoot · 09-03-2003 11:25pm #1

THE BEST CHAIN EMAIL EVER WRITTEN

Hello, my name is David. I suffer from the guilt of
not forwarding 50 billion f*cking chain letters sent
to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough
money to have it removed before her redneck parents
sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly
believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How
stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down
this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good
looking model in the magazine!" What a bunch of
bullsh1t. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will
come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD
and brought to the USA by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower. F*ck them. If you're going to forward
something, at least send me something mildly amusing.
I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest
friends,and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nickel from some
omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't
f*cking care. Show a little intelligence and think
about what you're actually contributing to by sending
out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own
unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain
letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's
funny, send it on. Don't p1ss people off by making
them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no
teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email. Oh, by
the way all you idiots out there...NO COMPANY HAS ANY
WAY OF TRACKING E-MAIL OUTSIDE THEIR SYSTEM -NO, NOT
EVEN MICROSOFT!!! THERE IS NO SUCH TECHNOLOGY
YET!!!!!! AND IF THERE WERE, IT WOULD PROBABLY BE
AGAINST THE LAW TO TRACK IT FOR PRIVACY MATTERS. Now
forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise,
tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous
and will consume your genitals.

Pugsley · 10-03-2003 5:56pm

How true

the Guru · 10-03-2003 6:05pm

Hell yeah

Mad_Patrick · 10-03-2003 7:13pm

How can anyone doubt the "If you dobn't send this on in 5 mins you won't get laid" e-mails, especialy when they're blessed by an African witch. I'm proof they work coz I didn't send them on and I didn't get laid