Problems...

Webmonkey

Hi everyone,

First of all i'm 16 years old. I met this girl on the internet about 10 months ago. We have being going now for about 7 months. It was a very slow relationship, mostly friends. It's both our first times in a relationship. I don't know but now I don't feel the same way about her as i used to. Don't get me wrong I still love her a lot but I don't know, i feel as if she doesn't love me. Achually i really believe she doesnt love me.

Ok we never fight what so ever, its like the "perfect" relationship a bit 2 perfect i think. Problems I have with her is communication with her. I send say about 3 txts a day but never get replies till about 1 in the night when she says she has just come in the door but mobiles should be brought around with people. I dont' know i think she is annoyed with me txting but doesnt say anything. When she does txt back in the night she falls asleep after the 2nd txt. But I stay up like till i fall asleep waiting and hoping for her to txt back. Most nights we ring eachother. Most of the time when I try to ring, i never get through, It rings but no answer or her fone is off. Then after say 1 hour she txts saying sorry she hadn't her fone with her. For 3 days she didn't txt me one time and her excuse was she had no credit, fair enoguh but i was tryin to ring her fone but it was switched off. She could have at least left it on so i could get through to her. I don't know this makes me feel angry at times but once i hear her voice everything is great again. I feel as if i'm goign 2 easy on her but I love her so much i just don't want to loose her or anything.

Another thing is, she nevers complements me really. I used to say is beautiful and all that stuff before but she just practically told me to shut up in a nice way if u know what i mean. She never said anything in return about me. I tried saying "I love you" to her about 4 months into the relationship but all she said was don't you think its a bit early. I did love her at that time tho . Tried it again after that same reply. Tried saying it there like 2 nights ago, then she said "aw thats nice, i don't deserve you at all,i swear" She never said i love you 2 or anything to i take it she doesn't love me and now i feel she doesn't want me at all. She keeps saying she doesn't deserve me, but i don't know i feel thats a way saying i don't want 2 be with you.

I think i'm going paranoid, I'm getting depressed over this lately and its unhealthy

Could someone suggest what i do?

Thanks :rolleyes:

Victor

First time relationship are awkward, you are entering new territory.

I suspect the reason she "doesn't have her phone on" is she feels uncomfortable with the relationship in the context of family / friends. Many people feel this way.

Webmonkey

Yeah I know what u mean, but she loves talking bout me to her family or friends. I guess she just isn't a fone person

smiles

have you ever met the girl?

Be careful with long distance (regardless of onlineness or not) relationships, it's very easy to get them messed up.

As for the lack of arguments, you can go out with someone for months and months without argueing, its happened to me, and it's a good thing (TM) just ask her what she wants and how she feels.... don't bring your emotions into it if you want honest answers.

<< Fio >>

Webmonkey

lol yes indeed we meet every weekend. Its a 14km relationship but i think thats good as we won't get bored of eachother. She just rang and it automatically has made me happy and jolly again like as if iwas never down. I don't know i get into these depressions if i dont' talk to her in a while but i will no doubt be down again. Still tho like peoples opinions

OfflerCrocGod

She Doesn't Like/Want You

I'm sorry but those are just excuses plain and simple and even you know it. "forgot her mobile" please boy she is just not interested in you but she knows you are in her. So she is just trying to make you lose interest in her by ignoring you somewhat.

Any which way you look at this you are going to be hurt sorry mate get used to it it wont be the first time.If you dont confront her about what you feel you may end up being dumped out of the blue leaving bad feelings on both sides. It could also be you being to clingy for her tastes

But it sounds as if she is trying to let you down slowly:(

cartman

i dont wanna be a prick but i think she might be cheating on you.. it has all the evidence tbh.. im sorry not tryin to be cruel but it does seem like it

just my 2p

cart

Gordon

14 km why you could cycle that in no time!

Maybe she feels the same about you, maybe she doesn't but what you should do is try to live your life and have her in it as opposed to living her life and having you in it, maybe. Just a suggestion.

It seems like you are totally infatuated by her, you need her contact every second of the day. I've had a few relationships where my girlfriends had to see me all the time (quite understandable ) and be by my side even when I went to the toilet ffs. I couldn't breathe in those relationships, it was the most uncomfortable feelings I have had with females. I'm sure some people love it though.

I reckon you should try cooling off just a tad. Think about maybe not texting her when you think you have to. Enjoy the world through your eyes.

Webmonkey

Thanks for the replys, I can assure you that she isn't cheating on me. I kinda went overboard in my first post there cause i was so depressed. Well she is always out really playing football, visiting her grandad and other relatives. She is hardly ever at home really. But then again there still can be the chance she might be cheating on me who knows :rolleyes:

DapperGent

Grow up. Dump her.

In whatever order you like.

Victor

Oh, make sure there are at least one or two days (fixed or random) a week where you have no contact, where you can both do your own thing.

Webmonkey

Thanks guys

Doodee

I've had a few relationships where my girlfriends had to see me all the time (quite understandable ) and be by my side even when I went to the toilet ffs.

lucky ****, I love attention, im just a big attention whore


anyways, like the guys said, give her room, if u rush things (Unless u think its worth it) then they can get scared, people need room to think, and also appreciate when your not around.

if all else fails, play hard to get and go flirt with some other girls infront of her, that might make her appreciate you!, just dont go overboard....

embraer170

I can't really comment on the issue as a whole but regarding the phone issue, I personally hardly take my phone out and when I do, its mostly off (and know plenty of people who do likewise)

Jer

eth0_

Originally posted by embraer170
I can't really comment on the issue as a whole but regarding the phone issue, I personally hardly take my phone out and when I do, its mostly off (and know plenty of people who do likewise)

Jer

What's the point in having a phone if you're not going to use it and are uncontactable

Webmonkey

Originally posted by embraer170
I can't really comment on the issue as a whole but regarding the phone issue, I personally hardly take my phone out and when I do, its mostly off (and know plenty of people who do likewise)

Jer

Thats exactly the way I feel. Thats the whole reason they called Mobiles :P

tribble

I can't really comment on the issue as a whole but regarding the phone issue, I personally hardly take my phone out and when I do, its mostly off (and know plenty of people who do likewise)

my sister does this - so she (you're gf) may simply dislike carrying the fone. Not a 'button person' (ahem).

tribble:)

karma kabbage

well i think you should be just a bit more selfish. i know that sounds awful but let's be logical... how do you feel about her? you did say you love her and that you feel so happy and jolly once you talk/spend time together... but you also said that you feel horridly depressed about the relationship at other times...

don't get me wrong, it IS about the sour and the sweet. Without the sour the sweet just isn't sweet. but the question in hand is 'how much sour is the sweet worth?'. What i mean to say is, is it worth it all?

This is your first relationship as you said and seven months is really great, congrats. Try not to obsess. Sometimes (i do it myself all the time) you can turn a situation which is perfectly fine into a complete panic or disaster just by thinking about it too much.

take a little step back, how much are these little things really bothering you? Is it really a big deal if she doesn't always reply? (have you told her this bothers you btw) Appreciate the good things and don't dwell on the negative.

all the best

Kell

On the other hand, she could be just the sort of person who likes being idependant and likes to give you as much space as possible too. A mate of mine craves for independance in relationships and moans on about most women being too clingy. He was in a relationship with a wonderful woman for a while (in fact, when they split up I tried hard not to smile cos she was that special) and craved her attention because she was so independant. Catch 22 there and I think maybe you might be the same.

A quick way to find out though is to get the issues off your chest and speak to her about it. Tell you you dont think that she reciprocates your feelings to her and ask her to tell you what she wants from you. In relation to not returning your ILY sentiment, she could just feel embarrassed, shy, lacking in confidence or whatever. Sometimes if someone has issues of their own, then being told they are beautiful and that you love them is the last thing they want to hear, which might give rise to her telling you to shut up about it.

I suugest you have a chat next time you see her and let us know how you get on. As I said, it could be just a case that you are naturally the luvvie duvvie type and she is naturally the independant type. I know thats the way it is with myself and my GF, but we get around it. (trying to anyways)

Dampsquid

She sounds like my ex girlfriend. Best thing that you can do is ignore her for a few weeks. Don't go to se her at the weekends. Make her want to see you. And if she doesn't then you got your answer.

It sounds like she doesn't think about you when you are apart, this could mean that she doesn't give a sh*t about you, or that her life is full enough without you.

Webmonkey

Thanks a lot people,

Maybe you are right bout her being an independant person. Ok this is what I done lastnight, didn't bother ringing or txting her, it came to 12am and she txt me saying that she was sorry that she didn't contact me, she just came in, (I don't think she takes her fone with her at all) She told me that all her friends that saw me St. Patricks day thought i was so cute but i think that makes her feel good people saying that. I dont' know i think she likes the attention of others.

Sunday now i'm going to do nothing and wait for her to make the arrangements and see what happens, if she doesn't bother then I'll have to talk to her and as you say i'll have my answer.

I'll keep ye updated...thanx.

./Webmonkey

Divine

hey man if you want to know how to get her wrapped around your little finger gis a shout and il tell you how and i promise you it will have worked within 3 days so let me know alright.

Typedef

Consider the shout given.

Spill the beans noobie

karma kabbage

yes yes, share with us your magical knowledge of women....

(does it involve drugging them 'cos sometimes they don't like that!?! )

Dampsquid

Hey Webmonkey,

How did the weekend go?

logic1

Originally posted by karma kabbage

(does it involve drugging them 'cos sometimes they don't like that!?! )

I haven't had any complaints yet.

.logic.

Webmonkey

Hey there,

Ok well weekend she foned first which was good. am tho i'm having problems of insecurity. Lastnight we were talking and somehow we got to this discussion. she said that she was scared of how long we've being going? she had to go straight away, wont be talking till later 2nite

LegacyUser

i went thru something similar with my bf not so long ago...things got so bad that i finished it. it was only then that he realised how he really felt and we talked things over, laid everything on the table and now we're better than ever b4.
hope this helps...

Ivan

Ah guys, lay off him.

From the limited experience I have with women I've learned a few things.

The first : They need space. There have been many times when I've been dumped because the girl felt "I was smothering" her.

The Second: Women want attention. There have been many times when I've been dumped because the girl felt "I wasnt smothering" her enough with attention.

The third: Women dont really know what they want. There have been many times when I've been dumped for no reason.

My advice : Do what you want, stop trying to figure out if she's cheating on you, if she's going to dump you first.

Stop trying to figure out if she still loves you or not.

It should be enough for the moment, that if you really love her. I mean, REALLY. As the matrix quote goes, you should know this, not think it, then stick by her. Its highly possible that she'll dump you, or hurt you some other ridicuously painful way, but thats what life is all about.

First relationship? - Treat everyone as your first, or it wont last long.

Ivan - The romantic

Damned if you do, bored if you dont.

Webmonkey

wow thanks m8. That helped a lot. Thank you

Zombrex

I think you sound a bit insecure in the relationship Webmonkey. I don't mean to be rude, I was exactly the same when I was your age. In the back of my mind I was constantly worrying about my girlfriends leaving me that I was always writing to them (this is before txt) and calling them. It is an attempt to show that you really care about the person, but really it is because you (men in general) are scared that they will leave if we don't constantly remind them we are here.

My advice to you is this =

1- Most important, you have to start imagining your life as being survivable with out her. I don't mean start thinking about dumping her, not at all. But she can't be the most important thing in your life, it is way too much pressure on a young girl and it leaves you wide open for a huge heart-break if she leaves. You don't want to feel like your life is over if she isn't in it. Make a list of the things that she does that really piss u off, and make a list of the girls you would ask out if you weren't with her. If you remove the pressure on yourself to keep the relationship, you remove the pressure on her.

2-Dude, you have to stop the constant txt messaging. I know it is hard in a long distance relationship to not have much contact, but I think she has made it clear that she doesn't need 3 txt a night. That is putting too much pressure on her to text you back. It shouldn’t make you angry if she doesn’t reply, but if it does you shouldn’t let her know or guilt her in anyway. She has no responsibility or obligation to communicate with you as frequently as you want to communicate with her. Maybe you should let her set the timing of your txts and phone calls for a while.

3-If she is not in love with you that is okay. She is 16. If she ever finds love before she dies she should consider herself lucky. Just cause you might not be THE ONE (and I am sorry to say but i don’t think you are), doesn't mean she doesn't want to have fun with you and be with you. Don't get upset if she doesn't say she loves you back, and maybe stop saying it to her in the first place. It can scare the crap out of some girls.

4-Okay this bit may sound a bit rude, and I don't know you or your situation so bear with me. In my experience the complimenting and saying you love her, really what you want is her to compliment you back and say that she loves you. This is your insecurity showing and can be quite off putting for a girl. She wants you to be confident in yourself, without needing reassurance from her. I know it is a cliche but confidence is very important in attracting a women, especially when you are young. It can't be her job to make you feel better about yourself.

5-You seem to be drifting into an area where you need her more than she needs you. She doesn't need to send 3 txt a day, or reply to every txt, but it has become very important to you. You should think more about what you offer her in the relationship (and I don't mean compliments, cause as she has made clear that got annoying). The thing she may need from you is space and the thing she may want is simple fun. If she is worried that you have been going out to long, it means she is worried about the pressure that the relationship is putting on her. You need to back off a bit, and listen more to what she needs (or doesn't need) and wants from the relationship. I think she has made it clear that she doesn't want a deep meaningful "I love you this much.." relationship. If she doesn't get something simpler, more fun less pressure, she may go looking somewhere else.


6-Lastly, don't stay together just to be together. Sorry to say, but s**t happens. People grow apart. You are both really young and this is all about learning about relationships. She may simply want to experience other things. That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It is not personal. Don't let it affect your self-image or confidence. Some of the most beautiful men and women in the world have been dumped. You have to think about what you really want and what she really wants. But it might not be the same thing. You have to be honest with each other, and not afraid to go your separate ways if it is not working out.

Hope that helps, and m8 we have all been there. I still think the relationship is perfectly salvageable. You just have to remember that she has no obligation to go out with you, she does it because you offer her something. You need to worry less about what she does for you (txting you, giving you compliments, saying she loves you etc etc) and more about what you do (or maybe don't do anymore) for her.

Jackoman

Would have to completely agree with Wicknight there. Far too many words of wisdom. Asides frm going through the feelings yourself, you must be a psychologist or something. I think all blokes could do with taking that advice.
Not that I can say much after all that was just said, you just have to rebuild your own confidence and determination for yourself. If it turns out well, then all is good. But if not so well, just remember you are still well young, and there is a **** load more in life to enjoy than I gaurantee you are doing right now!
Have a good one, and a key thing I learned in life. To figure how people feel or would feel about you and what you do, reverse the situation, put yourself in her shoes and try to think what she is thinking.

Webmonkey

Hey there, Thanks for the heap of advice. Very good

Ok well i've stopped txting, I text once and if she doesnt' reply i wait. She does txt eventually believe it or not lol. But A lot of nights i don't txt at all and wait for her to txt or fone in her own time. I think its working out good.

I've only said i loved her twice in my life lol but I won't say it anymore now. i know it must really scare them.

I think thats about it. I'm feeling happy now and I hope i'll stay that way. I asked her lastnight just to clear up things - Did she think our relationship was ok, was there something wrong or did she want to change anything. She said that she is happy out with things and so am I

I've learned a lot from this topic. - Thanks a lot but maybe ye might like to continue yer suggestions as other people might be learning also and I've a lot to learn.

Thanks

./Webmonkey off 2 school...