I don't know what to do now

Q_Ball

Hey guys, i'm kinda lost. I don't even know what i expect to get from writing this but anything's worth a try at this stage.

It happened like this. My "Ex" girlfriend (first love an all...) and I split up just over 3 weeks ago. We would be with eachother 3 years on april fools day. We were also living with eachother for 6 months before the break up. She applied and was accepted to templemore to become a garda. The weekend after her first week we went to waterford for her friends birthday. On the friday she was a little more friendly with some of the lads than usual. The usual was that she just talked but that night she was kinda flirting with one or two of them (not friends of mine i had only just met them too). Saturday night was all out for her tho, she flirted with everyone around her. Her sister called her on it cos she saw that i was getting "annoyed" that she had hardly said two words to me the whole night. Her excuse was that "I know what she's like and I know how much she loves me". Anyway regardless to say i was dumped that night so she could go home with someone she just met where they "mostly didn't have sex"... Sunday I went home to dublin with her sister, fiancee and the best friend. I was getting texts the whole way up asking me to take her back and that she was sorry and that it was nothing i did but i couldn't reply back I was so upset.

A few days past, the flat was emptied and I felt like ****. She texted the following friday asking what to do with the keys (her stuff was still in the flat for that week). We got talking and she said that because she was being told what she could and couldn't do down in templemore that she didn't want to feel that controlled up here, and that included our relationship (this is what annoys me). She said that i was controlling (an opinion her sisters and friends say is bollóx. must be true if she said it i guess).

Last saturday week she was with her friends boyfriend. The truth came out about that one as he told his girlfriend about it.

Now I find out that she has a new (2nd) boyfriend. And it hurts. Bad. When I found out about the first boyfriend I was so upset that i emptied the medicine press and sat there with I don't know how many pills in front of me. I was reading sir's thread the previous day and that got me thinking. That night i made a promise to myself to not let it get to me that bad anymore.

However I just keep thinking about it. Expecially when i'm down in the dumps. Today has been the worse day and i can't count the amount of times it's come to mind.

The only people I go out with are her sister and her friends, cos thats all i've known. That's all I have. Everything here at home reminds me of her. I don't go out with friends from college or work for different reasons.

Going to see if there is a college councillor tuesday cos i have to stop feeling like this. I don't know how strong i am (altho i now know i'm stronger than i thought i was) and i'm afraid of giving in someday if i don't sort it out. I don't talk to friends that way too much because I don't like them worrying about me. Those that have been there have been great but there's only so much they can do. Only so much support they can provide.

I know that I'm not (wasn't?) the best boyfriend in the world but in the words of damien rice:

But I'm not a miracle,
and you're not a saint

I'm going to australia may 26th to see a friend of mine. I feel I have to clear my head. I've even started "a little book of thoughts" Begining to think that some of the songs i've been listening to were written about me

Like I said I don't know why i wrote this or what i expect from it. Please, feel free to post any thoughts or whatever you have.

All the best,

Daz

tribble

i'm crap at relationships but i read you're post through - but i'll leave the advice to the people on boards who are good at sort of thing

tribble

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Wook

be happy it happend now and not later..
Be happy you got rid of her...
Been there done that and made the mistake of taking her back..
and lost her again..no more
Some people just happen to stick with the partner untill something 'better' comes along.
and yes as mercury said before , 'Australia' will be good for you.

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt

The only thing I can advise to speed up your healing...is “no contact” Unless you want her back? But what seems to have happened and gone on….. has put it past that point? Would you really want her back? Or do you just miss certain things and comforts that the relationship gave you?

good old mercury, the advice is good.
Total stop to contact works a treat eventually.
In my own experience, you kind of soon look at all the other nice fish
mm

Ruu_Old

have fun in Australia when u go, i think writing stuff down is good, i have a whole bunch of stuff from years ago. I rooted it up a few months back and tossed it all in the fire and watched it burn. Good luck!

Clintons Cat

Merc hit the nail on the head.
No contact is the best way to get over rip up her number and change your phone

If your renting,think about finding a new place before you go out to austrailia,that way when you return from sunny oz it will be to a fresh place rather than to same old walls which are full of memories.

Think of it as Making a New chapter of your life,
sounds cliched as **** and a little drastic but sometimes its best not to stay friends.

Q_Ball

Yeah I've already deleted her numbers from my phone. I can still remember them tho. I've had a few of her friends ringing me asking for her number cos she changed just before it happened. When i told them we weren't together they just said "oh...right...Buh Bye now".

I texted her sister yesterday. All her friends are really good friends of mine (they're the only people I go out with really) and they've been very supportive and helpful since it happened. I had to say that I thought the best thing to do was to not see them either for a while, let my head clear itself. I'm begining to think that it was a bad idea. I only see them monday to thursday cos the ex does be back in dublin for the weekend. Maybe I should go out with them wednesday and just explain what i meant.

I also came upon a reason to the "Should I take her back?" question. Basically I won't take her back, but if I could I'd change the last few weeks we were together. Seeing as I can't I take comfort in that and I'm trying to move on. Today was easier than yesterday anyway, thats for sure.

I also realised why radiohead songs cheer me up!!! It's cos there are more depressed people out there than me (thats probably a really bad thing to say )

Cheers guys, you've helped me feel a likkle better

Kell

Whatever you do dont listen to any David Gray!!!!!!!! Especially A Century Ends. That'll fúck your head completely. Anways, sorry to hear about your situation. From the sounds of her carry on, she seemed to have treated the relationship as completely disposable given the fact that she dumped you so she could go and have a time of it.

I agree with everyone else. Stop all contact. Doesnt do your head any good. My best mate is in Oz at the moment and he is turning into a different person to the one that left here and thats only after two weeks!!

Best of luck with it-

Zero

In fairness, two words - fucking bitch.
If someone can turn around and do that to you (and her friend) after three years, you are better off it happened now and not later on when it would hurt you more than it does now.
I think at least once in everyone's life, you get fucked over, really bad, and its like everything just comes crashing down. I remember a good few years ago, early in college, I got dumped by this bird, I wasnt even with her very long, but at the time of course, I thought she was the "be-all and end-all", I was moping around for ages and ages after it, it really hit me hard, in fact I'm embarrassed that I ever let someone like her be in a position to do that to me, but like I said, at the time, specially when you're young, its more than a big deal, its The big deal. Certain songs you cant listen to, some of her stuff left in your room etc.
Really, the only thing you can do, is just take it on the chin and weather the storm, people say "hey it will get easier" and you're there like "eh fuck off", but the fact is that it does. Jesus when I look back on it, I wouldnt hit her with a stick now, let alone go out with her, but at the time it seems like theres nothin else.
Get rid of all her shit out of your gaff, dont call her, if you meet her dont start talking to her except the few civil words, or you'll find yourself either upset or thinking things might work out and asking her, or both, and you'll be disgusted with yourself afterwards.
As for the pills thing, yeah I think sometimes when you are that down and upset it seems the only way out, but you did the right thing.
In fairness, fuck that, who does she think she is that she can be with you for that length of time, then fuck you over because she gets a bit bored, or fancies some stupid dick she just met? Without ever meetin you I can tell from here you're a better person for the simple reason that you didn't do that to her. Fuck her, in a few months you wont be thinking of her, and no matter how you feel about her now, when your token drunken "get over her" scoring spree is over, you'll end up meeting someone way better looking, way cooler and who treats you way better. I know I did.

horn dog 1

Mate.... No bits of advice given in here can help you out.... You feel great people telling you shes a bitch and a so and so.... but face it whats it achieving for that secoound you feel your better off without her but youve hurt yourself again by thinking on the past the good times and then you ask the stupid questions why me ? why did she leave me for someone else? what can I do to get her back?
STUPID QUESTIONS
Face the facts and move on... As long as you want her she thinks she can have you back when she wants....Go on the rebouond find another women and be seen with her and if that dosent work find another and be seen with them and before long you will get over but pay head to this if shes done it once shel do it again shes not ready for comitment or not with you or wants her cake and eat it
ITS HARD BUT ONLY AS HARD AS YOU MAKE IT

Giblet

The problem: Fucking Bitch Girlfriends
The solution: Guns n Roses - Back off Bitch

Typedef

****ing well said Zero.

This bird, is how you say, a real ****ing kunt.

No offence to our younger viewers.

Q_Ball

Guys, no offence and I do appreciate the feedback but I didn't post that to give everyone the impression that shes a b*tch. Cos she's not. She was just doing what she felt she had to do cos I was a bad boyfriend. Fair enough she went about it arséways and I think she'll admit that.

Originally posted by Zero
when your token drunken "get over her" scoring spree is over

Hasn't even started yet :rolleyes:

Hopefully tomorrow.

Hopefully.

Need to find some new friends to go out with.

Shouldn't be that hard, it is college after all...

Giblet

Bad boyfriend eh? and it took her 3 years to decide that?

I think you may be trying to cover for her, but in reality she is a bitch!

smiles

Jesus, you're not a bad boyfriend, she's just decided that she doesnt want you anymore, in an incredibly bitchy and unfair way tbh.

Merc. advice is good, just make sure you don't let her balem you two breaking up on who you are, that's just an excuse.

<< Fio >>

jf_cole

Keep in there Q-Ball, you dont deserve that sort of crap.

Victor

Originally posted by Q_Ball
Guys, no offence and I do appreciate the feedback but I didn't post that to give everyone the impression that shes a b*tch. Cos she's not. She was just doing what she felt she had to do cos I was a bad boyfriend. Fair enough she went about it arséways and I think she'll admit that.

Even if you were a bad boyfriend (no evidence) she cheated before a break up, which is well ... cheating (you are the one who judges this, not her). She has decided to move on, so you can too.

BTW Is the sister shaggable?

Q_Ball

Originally posted by Victor
BTW Is the sister shaggable?

I really can't think of a funny answer to that

daveg

Q_ball I know how you feel. Honest.. I really do.... I'll tell you why. That exact same thing happened to me about 8 years ago. I went out with this girl for 3 years. We lived together for about a year... and then she went home one weekend and 2 timed me. The reason was because the relationship was going down the drain (perhaps it is the same for you ... I don't know).

Anyway it was tough at the time... but do you know why ? Because all my friends were her friends and I was lonely. I missed the things we did more than I missed her. I moved out (I HIGHLY recommend this if you are still living in the same flat on your own) met new friends and got my life back and thought WTF was I doing.

About 2 years after we split up I met Irene. She is my partner now and I love her to bits. We have a son together who is nearly 4. My point is that I was where you are now and I can tell you there is another life for you without her. Give yourself time to heal. Non contact is good.. very good infact. My advice is get a new place, new friends, new life. Don't listen to **** that depresses you (music). I garentee you in 3/4 months when you have your life back on the rails you'll wonder what you were worrying about.

Best of luck Q

thedrowner

yeah i agree with the no contact thing. i'd even go as far as to stop spending time with the people who remind you of her too, but thats just me. going to australia will help and as everyone's said, time will be a healer.

try look at the situation from an outsider's point of view.

Her excuse was that "I know what she's like and I know how much she loves me". Anyway regardless to say i was dumped that night so she could go home with someone she just met where they "mostly didn't have sex"...

that is a really really horrible thing to do to someone especially when you've just let on that you love them to bits!!!!and i wouldn't waste my time on anyone like that, and although that thought isn't goign to miraculously fix everything it may put things into perspective and hurry along the healing process!

Dr Bolouswki

blah blah
****ing bitch

blah blah
women are ****s

blah blah
other rejected crap

I'm sure Q-ball had a great 3 years. I'm sure he was all loved up and digging her for those 3 years. She decided she needed to move on and that has prompted q-ball to move on too. Of course both will ahve doubts. Of course Q-ball is hurt. But the endless round of mysogonistic posts is pointless. Yeah, maybe her methods were bad, but at least qball can now move on, get over the pain of rejection and hopefully be left with some good memories of the good times...

It takes two for a relationship to fail - don't blame yourself qball - and you other folks - stop blaming her too.... it's just life...