Is it over?

NobodyImportant

I normally wouldnt post on here, duno why, but i got loads of time on my hands and would like some advice.

We have been going out for over 3 years now, and within the last week or so, ive noticed my gf hasnt been saying "i love you" back to me.

We have been spending an awful lot of time together lately, so i gave her some space of two days. Yesterday i got 1 text off her just before midnight and i was a bit upset having been ignored. I asked if she still loved me and if she wanted time apart.

Got a text this morn that she didnt want to lead me on, and was just saying I.L.U back recently to keep me happy:(

She has asked for her space to think through her life and relationship with me.

Im crazy about her, and will always love her no matter what, but i have a horrible feeling that this is the end. I feel sometimes she is out of my league and that i will never find somebody as amazing as her. I dont go out drinking much, so i fear i will be alone for quite some time.

What do you guys think?

eth0_

It sounds bad....that was a very mean thing of her to say she was didn't want to lead you on...hello, you've been together 3 years, I think now is a little late to worry about leading someone on!

Give her a little space, It might just be that she is feeling a little claustrophobic in the relationship, 3 years is a pretty long time to be with someone after all. How old are you both, as a matter of interest?

Trojan

A friend of mine is going through a very hard break up right now - neither he nor his gf wanted to break up, but because of the circumstances (distance included), it seems that it is the best thing in the long term.

They didn't talk to each other about their feelings for a long time, and that was one of the major problems.

There's a lot to be said for giving her space, but I think also that you should have a heart to heart talk with her (when you're not drunk!) about how you both feel.

Sometimes it's good to both cry and give each other a hug afterwards. It'll certainly clear the air between you, and if there's a lack of communication there currently this will certainly help.

Al.

NobodyImportant

Im 20, she is 18.

Whats really bugging me, is that i know it was getting a bit dull, and i was all about to excite things up and change em when this happend. I hope i dont regret not doing this a week earlier.

Kell

I had exactly the same situation in reverse a couple of weeks ago, but we're sorting things out. I would suggest a break, and I do mean a break as in "free to do what you like" for a while and let her sort herself out. In that time expect the worst so if it comes at least you will be prepared for it. Hopefully during the course of this "break" she will work out that she has really strong feelings for you and would rather not be apart from you.

Best of luck with it.

Oh and while your at it, get your ass down to the Ruthies Royal Boards Píss up this coming Saturday. Details on the admin section under Boards events. Get out and meet some complete looney strangers. You're only young once after all.

logic1

Yeah and bring any other hot chicks you know. (I'm sure it'll not only cheer you up but also us. In a way)

WOOH

.logic.

Gordon

I agree!

Go here for more info.

GuanYin

It may be that she really needs to think over her life and relationship commitments. I was in a long term relationship at 18 and starting college, everything in my life was changing and it was a really confusing time.

Your best bet is to stand back and let her think thing through. If you try put pressure on her it may worsen things.

Even still, the other poster was right, after three years its a bit past leading someone on.

Even still, don't sit back dwelling on it, do try go out and meet new people, join a club (karate or something) and generally get out and do stuff you may not have had time to do before. It will take your mind off things and ensure that if the worst happens, you will not be in a rut.

NobodyImportant

Had a think, the romance and spark/excitment has been missing for a while, all we did was go to my house and watch vids, sleep!

I wanted to change things, but i cant even tell her that things will change cuz we r on a break, i realised the thing i will miss the most, is that she was my best friend:( , we got on great and had a laugh, but i think it got too much like friends, rather than a relationship.

Maybe a weekend away might spark things off again?

How do i tell her this without crowding/pressurising her, but if i dont, she may think the spark has gone and cant come back!!

DAMN IT!!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by NobodyImportant
She has asked for her space to think through her life and relationship with me.

Im crazy about her, and will always love her no matter what, but i have a horrible feeling that this is the end. I feel sometimes she is out of my league and that i will never find somebody as amazing as her. I dont go out drinking much, so i fear i will be alone for quite some time.

I'm in exactly the same boat m8. Gf dropped the bombshell on me one night in the pub, that she was 'having a freak out', and thought she needed a break to 'find herself' and have some freedom. I had some 'omg I've been with her so long' thoughts too, but being male, I just get on with my life instead of acting on my feelings.

Apparently it's a 3 year freakout thing with Women, where they need to assert their independence or some crap. We've been going out just over 3 years now.

She initially suggested a break of two weeks, but I refused, it had to be either indefinite or nothing. I knew myself that I'd just bury my head in the sand/work for those 2 weeks and pretend it's not happening. She railroaded it into two weeks anyway by suggesting we have dinner/romantic night on Valentine's day (2 weeks from then). After the worst week of my life, we decided to not meet up on Valentine's day, and make it indefinite. And suddenly it became a whole lot better. I actually had to force myself to deal with my head.

I am/was exactly the same as you - I think she's far hotter than me. In fact we're pretty much opposites. She loves going out and meeting new people, and going dancing. I prefer going out with my mates and having a laugh, in a pub with non-boogie music (ie good music ).
I was always a bit paranoid, cos after about a year we didn't go out Saturday nights together (I find her mates boring, she finds my mates boring, and none of our mates are 'compatible'), so I always thought that if she found anyone else attractive, I'd be gone. Which of course, I realised is highly hypocritical (I find other women attractive, but have no interest in dumping her for them, why should she be any different?) and was a source of much stress for me for a long time.

So nearly seven weeks on, I'm actually much more confident in myself than I've ever been. We still miss eachother and have met up for coffee/lunch a few times, and it gets easier every day. There was one slip-up where she turned up on my doorstep, locked at 2am, and we had sex (I was locked too), but it didn't have much effect, rather it helped us get over the awkward bit of 'Can I still talk to you, tell you I love you, even though we're on a break?'. We just laugh about it now.

She's spent the last 3 weeks going out drinking pretty much every night, having a laugh, but it doesn't bother me much, as that's what she's do anyway if she wasn't going to be seeing me on a night. I'd do it too if I could afford it .

Atm, I'm considering breaking up fully with her because our lives are just so different. She's in college in Trinity, I'm in UCD. She gets the bus in every day, and I drive. She doesn't finish till 10pm sometimes, and I'm always finished at 6pm, latest. So our social and working lives revolve around totally different things. Next year will be our last years in college - i.e. hectic - and she's looking to spend 6 weeks in the south of France, working with her friends this summer, which doesn't interest me in the slightest. But I know I can live without her now. 7 weeks ago, I couldn't imagine not spending at least 3 nights a week with her. Now I wouldn't be too bothered by her going to France for 6 weeks. I'm completely confident now that we're meant to be together. Whether that happens 5 days or 5 years, doesn't really matter, cos I know I still love her just as much (and her me), but I can still enjoy my life and be myself without her.

My message to Unreggie - Que sera sera. . If you're meant to be together, then you will be together. Nothing else really matters.

NobodyImportant

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
You are a lazy person in relationships.. That is not a bad thing.

I dont think im quite lazy, ive been depressed of late, but im on stuff now which is working out, although now i want more!! All i wanted to do before was to stay in with her, but now i want to head out and socialise together.

Stupid uncertanty. But i have to give her space and time to sort out her own feelings.

Q_Ball

Yeah, my ex dropped the bombshell around the 3 year mark too...

Anyway, we went through the whole shebang too, we took a break and we came out of it. If you are on a break the last thing you should be doing is thinking about what she is up to. I've been there. I AM there. And don't put a limit on the amount of time to take a break, there's no point pressuring her back. Best peice of advice I can give to people came from my ex...

If you love someone enough, let them go. If they come back they're yours forever. If they don't they weren't yours to begin with.

Go out and enjoy yourself too. You don't have to be with other people, just go out and find a way to relax with friends (altho if you can, avoid mutual friends cos they'll feel awkward if they are hearing from her too. Don't put them in the middle). For me it was a few pints in town, watching the football and just trying to relax. Try to stay off the phone. Don't wait for it to ring or beep. If she does text you don't immediately write back, take your time and think about what you want to say. I'm sure she knows you care so let her take the first step.

Sometimes people just reach a point where they "grow up". People change. Feelings change. Life changes. You just have to go with the flow.

Hope i've been of some help

Miguel_Sanchez

Now that you have your doubts
Will you always be looking for a way out
And if I convinced you to stay
Two years or two days from now
I'd live in fear of losing you
Holding on but trapping you inside


Eh - there you go. Low Barlow said it best.


You're young. Move on.

Bateman

It may just be PMT.

^whitey^

Originally posted by Q_Ball


If you love someone enough, let them go. If they come back they're yours forever. If they don't they weren't yours to begin with.

Some good advice there IMO. She's 18 right? She probly just wants to make sure your the "one". If you do love her give her some space txt/call her very occasionaly but if she misses you she'll start txting you more...basically give her some space play it by year and see how it goes......just cause she's not saying she loves you doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. (I know that probly sounds weird).

Thats my two cents anyway:)

sceptre

Originally posted by NobodyImportant
Is it over?

Yes, almost definitely.

ferdi

Originally posted by sceptre
Yes, almost definitely.

fraid so dude