Gratification

Kell

This isn't an issue of mine per se, just a thought and I wanted to see what the rest of you think on this topic.

If during the course of a relationship, you find out that; well, you're not that sexually compatable with your partner through one thing or another do you:

A) Move on or

Tell them how to make the situation better.

Now, if the answer is B, and partner agrees to perform x, y and z for you, is this not them just "performing" the act to appease your wants without actually getting anything from it themselves and, this being the case, whats the point?

I have always thought that for a sexual relationship to work, both partners need to be open minded to the same degree and actually enjoy pleasuring their partner and get something from it themselves rather than just doing their partner a favour. I think I am beginning to feel that A sounds like a better option all round.

pickarooney

Yeah, I know what you mean, it's hard to derive any pleasure out of it yourself if you feel she's just doing it for you, like she's only with you for comfort and security and not because she's passionately in love with you.

mooman_00

i think it depends on the relationship...if youre in a relationship where youre head over heels in love with someone than bettering the sexual end of the relationship should be a good thing for both of you.....but if the relationship is a bit of a comprimise from the begining than moving on may be the better option

Kell

Yeah- I was thinking that woo hoo sex where you both want to rip eachothers knickers off and ride the beejaysus out of eachother is always better than "is she doing this for me and getting nothing out of it herself" sex.

The Corinthian

Get her to perform x, y and z for you, then move on.

mooman_00

lol...............i dont think ive managed to get anyone to do z for me!

Dr_Teeth

Kell, didn't we already do this thread? Move on man!!

Teeth.

Kell

Not exactly no. As I said at the beginning this isnt exactly an issue. The other thing is being dealt with thanks

TenLeftFingers

I think I'd go for B first, and if it wasn't working, then A's yer only man.

WhiteWashMan

she may be embaressed by x, y and z.
she may not know how to do x, y and z.
she may want to do x, y and z, but think you will think she is a pervert.

unless you talk to her you will never know. and to be honest, most people in a loving relationship will enjoy doing things for their partners. after all, it does get you when you know you are doing something your partner really appreciates

but at the end of the day, if you end up not being compatible, then you have to see who important your sex life really is. it goes back to the check list of things you lookfor in a partner. if you want beauty, sex, and brains, you go for that. if sex is important to you, then you dont want to be with someone who doesnt want x, y and z. and if you want someone beautiful, dont go out with someone who is ugly bugly!

Beruthiel

Now, if the answer is B, and partner agrees to perform x, y and z for you, is this not them just "performing" the act to appease your wants without actually getting anything from it themselves and, this being the case, whats the point?

The way I see it is, if your partner really cares about you then they will do most anything you ask (within reason of course!!). It maybe just a case of them not ever having done it before or thinking that it maybe required, this does not necessarily mean they wouldn't be into it - you are just helping them to become practiced in the wonderful art of making love!
you think to much Kell!!

smiles

Well you see it all depends.

If you're not compatable, are you sure? Have you talked about it? What are the reasons why you're both at odds? Sometimes people have hidden issues and ideas about sex and different sexual acts, you can never really know what people have experienced.

Talk it through, and see what options are available, would you/her be happy without doing x, y, and z.... would you both be happy doing them?

Do you feel that sex is the apex of your relationship?

All that kinda stuff.

Personally? I'm sticking to my little rule... "I'll try anything twice"

<< Fio >>

Samara

Maybe she's a bit shy or embarrassed, you need to think about her feelings and desires too you know, not just your own. Ask her about her fantasies, what she likes and dislikes, if you encourage her to be open it becomes less of a taboo. Share your own fantasies and desires. Just don't expect her to do anything that even vaguely repulses her. I don't go into all this claptrap of if she loves you she'll do it. If ye love each other or even respect each other ye'll come to an understanding of what ye both want out of it and if ye can add a bit of spice to your sex life fantastic, if not and it's an issue that is affecting your relationship and ye can't work it out, move on!!!!!

Don't forget that some fantasies should just stay fantasies, depending on your strange desires LOL

Kell

I have been relatively silent since the original post, but I cant help but smiling that a lot of you havent picked up on the contents of the first line-

"This isnt an issue of mine per se.................."

While it may be relevant to my own situation in some ways I just wanted to see what the rest of you thought about the concept of pleasuring someone purely for their benefit without gaining much from the experience yourself.

Trust me, this isn't something thats causing me angst.

Cheers though-

K

Beruthiel

"This isnt an issue of mine per se.................."

yes I know!!
my comments still stand

Kell

Ooooh she's quick. No offense BTW by last comment.

K-

Silent Grape

hi kell.

this is quite an interesting topic. i

i HATE going down on my boyfriend, seriously, i have to restrain myself from retching, its so nasty. but seriously, i do it because i love himand i want him to be happy.

without sounding to cheesy, if it makes him happy its worth it. so theres a certain truth (in my case anyway) of 'if u loved me ud do it'

anyway what u give is what u get....

Kell

Originally posted by Silent Grape
i HATE going down on my boyfriend

Can you elaborate Grape? I for one would love to know why x amount of women find the whole issue of giving oral repulsive when (taking a semi stab in the dark here) I would say that the majority of blokes love to go down on a lady. Lads, please feel free to correct me on that.

yossarin

I'd imagine that there is hygine issue there with some people.

also Kell - your stabbing what in the dark now?

...I'll get my coat.

TenLeftFingers

Originally posted by Kell
Lads, please feel free to correct me on that.

It depends on the lady. For some reason, some women have a better erm.. climate, down there than others.

And in case ya want to know what the girls think, (at least my girlfriend!), it's the same for guys. It took me some convincing to get her to go down on me, but afterwards she said it wasn't as bad as some other ppl she's been with.

Deduce what you will from that.

Silent Grape

hi Kell, yeah, its just the smell really.... not that my bf is dirty, he's very clean actually, but i hate the smell of it, and of its residue... just as much as i hate the smell and feeling of my own...

my bf loves going down on me, which is wierd, seeing as he knows how much i dislike doing it for him. at least when i do go down on him i get a lot of rewards... : )

but anyway once i get into it, after a few minutes, it isnt as revolting as the first connection of mouth to penis. far from enjoyable but its putupable. afterwards i never swallow as once i got sick after doing that and THAT was nasty. so the spitting and retching kind of destroys the nice atmosphere we had going.

and i always have to shower hour after ive had sex. and i have to clean myself up in the loo straight after having sex...and i make sure he cleans himself up straight after...

hmm .... i think i have a problem......

TenLeftFingers

Some lucky perv is going to stumble onto this thread

Kell

Originally posted by Silent Grape
and i always have to shower hour after ive had sex. and i have to clean myself up in the loo straight after having sex...and i make sure he cleans himself up straight after...

hmm .... i think i have a problem......

Do you slip on the marigolds and scrub the bath down too? Sorry................I just couldn't resist LOL

Thanks for your frank response on that one. It's helpful to understand why some women arent into it beyond the "I had a bad experience once" line.

"Some lucky pervert is going to stumble across this thread"

I am just waiting for Merc to pop in anytime soon LOL

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Silent Grape
afterwards i never swallow as once i got sick after doing that and THAT was nasty. so the spitting and retching kind of destroys the nice atmosphere we had going.

I doubt he’ll notice given he’s probably already asleep by then.

and i always have to shower hour after ive had sex. and i have to clean myself up in the loo straight after having sex...and i make sure he cleans himself up straight after...

hmm .... i think i have a problem......

Yes. Yes, you do.

Typedef

Originally posted by Silent Grape
and i always have to shower hour after ive had sex. and i have to clean myself up in the loo straight after having sex...and i make sure he cleans himself up straight after...

hmm .... i think i have a problem......

Not at all.... it could be kind of interesting if you take the shower at the same time, in fact it could be quite interesting indeed.

Nevyn

get her a few black lace books

they cover a hell of a lot and i'm sure you will find ones that include the fun things you want to try.

Also some people will do things they would not normally under the guise of a lil sex roleplay. Spin a fansty where ur dom and she has to do as told

could be that well she thinks that nice girls just dont DO that type of things and she thinks that you may respect her less if she does . There are a lot of way arround this issue but you have to work at it together.

have fun and be safe

Thaed

TenLeftFingers

Good point Thaed! The reason my girlfriend didn't want to get into a certain position was because it was too porn like. When I convinced her that the positions were in porn because they were good positions, it changed things

The Corinthian

Originally posted by merlin_bar
When I convinced her that the positions were in porn because they were good positions, it changed things

I would have thought that a porn like position would be one that was geard twoards camera angle rather than enjoyment.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

TenLeftFingers

Originally posted by The Corinthian
I would have thought that a porn like position would be one that was geard twoards camera angle rather than enjoyment.

Well, I'm not talking so much about the 'acrobatic' stuff, but even doggy style for example has a bad stigma attached (for some ppl) because you see it in porn a lot. But it's a great position from time to time at least. Wuff wuff!

Kell

Originally posted by merlin_bar
When I convinced her that the positions were in porn because they were good positions, it changed things

Could you convince her to go for three girls and yourself then on the same premise?

Duly edited LOL