walks into a bar joke

yossarin

a salmon walks into a bar....and pulls a mussel

anyone else got any bar jokes ?

hussey

Horse walks into a bar

barman asks 'Why the long face' .. (hot shots)

*********

Paddy Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar eating crisps

Baman says 'cant eat your own food in here'

so they swapped

*********

a three legged dawg walks into a bar looking for the man who shot his paa

Big Chief

Originally posted by hussey
Paddy Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar eating crisps

Baman says 'cant eat your own food in here'

so they swapped

hehehe that one actually got a giggle from me

Pugsley

George Bush, and iraqi and an irish man walk into a bar.
The irish man says 'is this some sort of joke?'.

Thanx 4 The Fish

Man walks into a bar and says Ouch,


It was an Iron Bar.

Sarky

Damn, you beat me to it!

A panda walks into a bar and buys a pack of crisps. Then he buys another. And another. Eventually the bartender says "sorry mate, there's no more food". The panda promptly pulls out a gun and kills nearly everyone in the bar. As the panda's walking out the bartender gets enough courage to shout "Why the hell did you just do that?"

The Panda turns around and says "Look it up in an encyclopedia."

Because it would say that a panda eats shoots and leaves.

sorry...:o

TomTom

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

I'm really really sorry

Spiffing

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says...

"Sorry, we don't serve food in here"

Sarky

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a Guinness?"

The bartender says "For you, no charge."

/Me goes and does the honourable thing.

Pugsley

Originally posted by Sarky
Damn, you beat me to it!

A panda walks into a bar and buys a pack of crisps. Then he buys another. And another. Eventually the bartender says "sorry mate, there's no more food". The panda promptly pulls out a gun and kills nearly everyone in the bar. As the panda's walking out the bartender gets enough courage to shout "Why the hell did you just do that?"

The Panda turns around and says "Look it up in an encyclopedia."

Because it would say that a panda eats shoots and leaves.

sorry...:o

You deserve a public execution for that.

SoundWave

a pair of jump leads walk in to a bar,

the barman says 'ill serve you but dont start anything'

Tyrrial

dear god will this crazyness ever end....

a small part of me hopes it won't

][cEMAN**

Two men walk into a bar.....boom boom!

I'm not sorry for that - and you brought this blight upon yourselves hehehe

kirn

horse walks into a bar.

bartender goes: why the long face?

---

man walks into a bar with a srip of tarmac under his arm

he says: giz a pint, and one for the road....

---

monkey goes into a bar:

goes: can i've a glass of ostrich piss?

barman: no, we don't have that, don't be silly.

next day the monkey goes in again and goes:

can i've a glass of ostrich piss?

barman goes: no! we don't sell that! get lost!

next day the monkey goes in again and goes:

can i've a glass of ostrich piss?

barman goes: 'if you come in here again i'm gonna nail your face to the wall'

next day the monkey comes in again.

the barman looks at him and the monkey says: do you have any nails?
the barman says 'no'.

well, can i've a glass of ostrich piss?

---

christ i'm going to hell...

Lucutus

Three pieces of string go into a pub for a drink. Two of them sit down and the other one goes to the bar and asks for three pints. "I'm not serving you mate," says the barman. "You're a piece of string. Go away."

The piece of string goes back and tells his friends. The second piece of string then tries to get the drinks, but the same thing happens.

The third piece of string is so angry, he ties a knot in his head, ruffles it up and storms up to the bar. The barman looks at him and says, "Are you another piece of string?" The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."



Lucutus

Don1

A polar bear walks into a bar and goes:
"Can I've a ............................................................beer please?"
And the barman goes:
"Why the big paws?!"

Ruaidhri

two electrons walk into a bar,go up to the counter and order a pint each.
the first electron goes "damn i lost my wallet"
and the second one goes "are you sure?"
the first one goes "yeah,i'm positive"


WEH WEH WEH

quank

Originally posted by Ruaidhri
two electrons walk into a bar,go up to the counter and order a pint each.
the first electron goes "damn i lost my wallet"
and the second one goes "are you sure?"
the first one goes "yeah,i'm positive"


WEH WEH WEH

arent electrons negative? and PROtons positive?

Jabbathegut

Three baby seals walked into a club.....

wack! wack! wack!

Capt'n Midnight

two positrons walk into a bar,go up to the counter and order a pint each.
the first electron goes "damn i lost my wallet"
and the second one goes "are you sure?"
the first one goes "yeah,i'm positive"

A kerryman walks into a bar with a pig under his arm.
Barman asks where her got it
"I won him in a raffle" said the pig..


This woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for an innuendo.
So he gave her one...

oeNeo

Sigh, you're both wrong.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I think I've lost an electron".

"Are you sure?", the other replies.

"Yes, Im positive."

quank

lol

hows that got anything to do with the bar?:rolleyes:

disco_rob_funk

A bra and a spark plug walk into a bar and ask for a couple of pints.

Barman: " Get the FUUCK out! I'm not serving either of you!"

Bra asks: "why?! what the hell's the problem?"

Barman: "Cos you're off your tits, and your mate's about to start something!"


Whoopah!

RC

waffles

a bucket of sick walks into a bar and the barman said i'm not serving you get out! and the bucket of sick replies why not sure wasnt i brought up here!!!

a man walks into a bar and sits at the counter and asks the barman for a pint of piss, the barman looked at him strangely for a bit until the man said no dont worry i'll pay for it and everything all you have to do is piss into a pint glass i'll give you €2.50 and thats that!!! so the barman grabs a pint glass and disappears into the toilet for a few minutes and returns with the pint of piss the man gives him the money and drinks it, every night during the week he returns to the pub and drinks his piss, but one night mary the barmaid was working and he explained the whole story to her so she says faair enough, pisses into the glass and gives it to the fella and says €3.00 so, but the other barman gives it to me for €2.50 and the barmaid replies.......................



































yeah but theres a dash of red in that!!!!!:D

Yavvy

a polar bear walks into a bar says to the bar man

"Hi .............................................................................................................................................. may I have a pint of beer please ?"

the bar man says "sure, but why the big paws ?"

---

A duck walks into a bar says to the bar man " Any bread ?"
bar man says "no, get out" ...the duck leaves

the duck comes back 5 minutes later says "Any bread ?"
the bar mans says " I told you. NO , get out" ...the duck leaves

the duck comes back 5 minutes later says "Any bread ?"
the barman says " I fùcking told you. NO, IF you come back one more time Ill nail you to that wall" ......the duck leaves

the duck comes back 5 minutes later says "Any nails ?"
the barman says "no ???"
The Duck says "any bread" ??

Mick L

A man and a monkey walk into a bar. The man goes to the bar and orders a drink and the monkey begins to eat the free peanuts.
When the peanuts are gone he starts on the beermats. When the beermats are gone he swallows the chalk on the pool table....much to the annoyance of the players. The monkey then swallows the cue ball whole. At this stage the man and the monkey are thrown out of the bar. A week later they return to the bar, the man apologises and has a beer. The bartender, feeling sorry for the monkey gives him a grape. The monkey sticks the grape up his arse and then swallows it. After asking why he did it the man replies


after the incident with the cue ball he always checks.