The Slashdot take on war.

Jaden

Posted on Slashdot, of all places.....

Best thing I've read in a while.

I'm getting ready to invade the Jones' house down the block, because I think Mr. Jones is going to attack me with illegal weapons. I know he has these illegal weapons because I sold them to him just a few years ago. I mean, I gave him the weapons so he could use them against the Ruperts next door to him. He killed lots of them nasty Ruperts, thank goodness. (I wonder if anyone thinks I might be partly to blame for the deaths of about half a million Rupert children. Nah, probably not.) Back then, Mr. Jones seemed really really evil, but not as evil as the Ruperts, so I made friends with him.

Anyhow, now my sister says she heard a rumor that he still has those weapons (though I haven't really seen them since I gave them to him). The cops checked his house and didn't find anything, but hey, the cops are obstructing justice by not doing exactly what I tell them to do. And don't forget, a robber invaded my home not so long ago. You never know, that Mr. Jones might be planning something with the robber's friends, even though he and those guys have never been on good terms. I know Mr. Jones hasn't done anything lately, but he's probably up to something. I guess that whole robber thing has me a bit freaked out and I have to do something.

In any case, by wiping out Mr. Jones, while trying not to kill his children (though I expect quite a few to die in the invasion), I'll certainly be making my house safer. My idiot neighbors all pretty much think this is a bad idea for some reason though, but I've convinced about half my family and a few of my neighbors' heads of household that it's a good plan, and that's good enough for me.

The bonus is, Mr. Jones has lots of food in his house. Our house doesn't have much food, but we eat like there's no tomorrow! His has a lot more food than mine. Some people actually say this home invasion is about food! But I assure you it's not. I told him he'd better not destroy any of his food while I invade though. I mean I DO WANT the food. Me and most of my buddies actually have a lot invested in the food business, so we'd certainly benefit from that food. But it's not the main reason.

Anyhow, I'm sure the whole neighborhood will be safer with people like me going around killing the neighbors we think might attack us some day.

Then again, thank goodness not everyone in the neighborhood takes the initiative to invade the homes of those who it feels threatened by! I mean, the Kareeyans up on North Street actually think I might attack them! Well, I did put them in a list of evil neighbors, the same list as the Jones' in fact. They want to talk to me about it, but I ain't interested in talkin'. I just don't like them. I know they have some serious badass weaponry in that house though. Let's hope that by not talking to them, and carrying through with my attack on the Jones', they'll get the message.

dahamsta

Terry Jones did it slightly* better in January.

adam

*See WWMan's sig.