Loosing a friend

LegacyUser

Quite recently I lost a friend that I trusted and liked very much.
They were a good mate and I could always trust them to give me good advice.
I enjoyed heading out with them as well as they were good fun, and some1 I could have a laugh with.
I feel really bad, because I don’t know why they are so upset.
I used to share secrets with this friend, as I do with a lot of close friends, and sometimes they would also share theirs.

The reason that we have fallen out is because of this sharing of secrets, I had been told something by someone, and told another good friend in faith that they would keep it secret, but somebody else found out and told my friend, and now they no longer wish to speak to me.

I feel really upset about it, as they were a very good friend.
I don’t know what to do.

Samba

Hrmmmph,

Sounds like a Vicous Circle of Bitching

Give her(i can only presume) a bit of time...hatred can and gut feelings can only last so long before both of you realise yous are too good m8s to be fighting over somthing that was said to someone.


There always is the rare case where a friendship can end in an instant, but that aside, you are going to grow apart from some friends and make new ones, just the way it is I suppose.

Cheer up and try not to think about it for a small while, then when the time is right, approach her, with an apology maybe? it's going to be a matter or regaining her trust.

mooman_00

hate to say it but sharing your own secrets is one thing.......sharing someone else's or spreading gossip* is always gonna get you in trouble.....as samba said give it time, you cant really do anything else.


*information given to you by a third party about someone that you share with(spread to) someone else.

smiles

I had been told something by someone, and told another good friend in faith that they would keep it secret, but somebody else found out and told my friend, and now they no longer wish to speak to me.

So let's see, there's 4/5 people involved.

Someone said something to you about someone else, and then you told your friend, who told a friend who told the original person who you were talking to.

Seems like you were just spreading gossip, and if the person was really such a good friend why are you spreading gossip about them?

Do you know why they are annoyed?
Was it anything to do with you?
Are the people who found out the kind of people who'd use the information to manipulate other people?

You need to think about why you need to tell so many people things about other people.

<< Fio >>

Big Chief

not to be harsh but...

lesson learned = dont open your big trap in future.

LegacyUser

No, in the begining there were only 3 people. more people found out and i dont know how.
I wasnt spreading gossip, just looking for advice off another person as it was my good friend involved.
I didnt think it would be spread, i told this other person in good faith cause they have talk to me in the past and given me advice, I have told this other friend lots of my own personal stuff, so i never thought they they would say something i said to someone else.

As i said, I was looking for advice from them, not spreading gossip.

mooman_00

you may not have ment it but you spread gossip, wheither someone is trustworthy or not, matters which are not your own should not have been discussed with a third party....if someone tells you something in confidence then you should be trusted to keep it to yourself............you may feel wrong done as you told a what was happening with b(even though you were only lookin for advise) and a went and told everybody......how do you think b feels he/she told you something in confidence and you told someone else.......it is your fault and b has every right to be angry with you, however b should forgive you but thats up to him/her all you can do is stick it out......

ferdi

Originally posted by Big Chief
dont open your big trap in future.

simple as that, the friend has every right to be p.issed off with you, let the grovling begin

sugarpea

i have been in this very same predicament, unfortunately myself and my friend have never made up, she hasn't spoken to me since (something i suppose you don't want to hear) it was very similiar other girls said things that weren't true and out 13 year friendship went just like that, we now pass each other on the street, i still miss here, she was the one person i really cared about, the one friend that i loved, she knew everything about me and me about it, the worst thing is it cuts when i see her with the people that started it all they are now the best of pals and have been for the last 10 years when it started. my advice is leave your friend to it, if she doesn't come back she isn't worth it, it won't stop the hurt though.

LegacyUser

I am the friend, if I am not very badly mistaken and this thread was just posted because the "worriedfriend" knew I would more than likely read it.
Worried told A that B said, mainly regarding what B thinks my feelings for B are, which are incidently untrue. At least Worried told me that B thinks/says these things.
I heard from C and D of my supposed comments/feelings about B.
Either Worried told C and/or D or A did.
As well as this, I'd told Worried several times that his feelings and Bs supposed impressions were incorrect.
And yet I still here them as what *I* say from other people.
I think I've ever right to be angry.

the friend.

thedrowner

Originally posted by mooman_00
matters which are not your own should not have been discussed with a third party....if someone tells you something in confidence then you should be trusted to keep it to yourself............

i do usually agree with this but sometimes you can be told something that worries or upset you and you need to discuss it. however the clever thing to do would be to discuss it with someone who is completely not involved and doesnt know the people in question. discussing within the group always gets back!

Cheez

I heard from C and D of my supposed comments/feelings about B.

what is this friend math?
Quit bearin a grudge and calmly rationally converse
and worried say ur wheely sohwee

if u keep this up both of u are gonna loose a good mate
and have bitter an twisted spiraling hate loops which is
horrible and pathetic for the rest of ur friends to watch
unless they take sides an it turns into gang warfare
and pimps and whores get thrown in for the craic

deep breaths now - let it all go - look at it in the whole scheme
a things - i am deep within you - you are at peace




gnite,peace

evie

I have to agree with Cheez!
I am a girl (What about that) and over the past couple of months I have seen the extent of what arguments can do.
Compromise, sit down talk about it. It's not worth losing friends over!

aine

its got to be said.....sometimes its just not worth it!

swallow your pride and let go of the grudges, coz they'll do more damage to you than anyone else! If these people have really hurt you then be civil, be friendly but be more careful when you choose somebody to confide in!

LegacyUser

Right, i'm the friend he was talking about.
People keep saying not to bear a grudge and that i should have known not to confide in him, thats all fine and well, except I _DIDNT_ confide in him.
He told people stuff that he _THINKS_ that I think (which I'd told him I didn't).
He's turned into a gossip and won't accept that he's done anything wrong, until he does then I don't want to know.


sorry about the Math, it was the only was i could explain.

the friend.

LegacyUser

My exact wors in explaination werent that i told it, that i felt it, i recieved bad vibes, and i didnt gossip, like i said, i told some1 in confidence.

anything that my friend has confided in my I havent told a Soul, and she knows this.

Theres a huge difference from saying that I "said they didnt like the person" and i "felt that they didnt like them".

I have said sorry for this, but my appology just wasnt accepted, as you can see.

if it helps "Im sorry again"

Ixidor

Originally posted by the-friend
I am the friend, if I am not very badly mistaken and this thread was just posted because the "worriedfriend" knew I would more than likely read it.
Worried told A that B said, mainly regarding what B thinks my feelings for B are, which are incidently untrue. At least Worried told me that B thinks/says these things.
I heard from C and D of my supposed comments/feelings about B.
Either Worried told C and/or D or A did.
As well as this, I'd told Worried several times that his feelings and Bs supposed impressions were incorrect.
And yet I still here them as what *I* say from other people.
I think I've ever right to be angry.

the friend.

i'm sorry but this is to much like a math's problem.....

mooman_00

feels like im watchin days of our lives or sth