playing hard to get.

francie brady

I just started to see this girl and i'm already getting to like her alot. Only thing is i don't know what she is playing at. She says she likes me, fancies me. But on two ocassions she has canceled our dates. And the other night i asked when will we met again and she told me i was been pushy. So now i am affaid to ask her out again.
So i've decided to try and play hard to get. If she likes me and fancies me she should be interested right? What i'm looking for are tips on how to play hard to get. I've never done it before. I've kinda seen it as been cruel but it's kind of a last ditch atempt advance things with her.

So lads and girls any tips on playing hard to get?

Jim

goddam it, i hate when they do that. im too goddamn lazy to put up wit that ****. if i wasnt so lazy id give them a piece of my mind. do they think they're benig clever? original? or maybe they just do it to cover up there own insecurities about themselves. man they're so evil....

[1. there might b a valid reason she cancelled them.
2. she might b leading u on, a joke with her friends type thing [there evil i tells ya!] the important thing is not to get too caught up in it and get paranoid etc... or she might be workin off the old assumption "men want what they cant have" stupid]

Selik

Trust me when I tell you this my friend...

"Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen"

I know it's a cliche but it really does work! Of course if she doesn't like you in the first place then there's really nowt you can do other than start focusing your attentions elsewhere...

The Clown Man

Undoubtedly.

For some reason the meaner you are, the more they want you.

Something to do with a challenge or something. The less you give a sheet the more they do.

Who know's the workings of a woman's mind. But one thing's for sure, a guy that actually tries to get them out on a date rarely succeeds. The less it looks like you want to go out with them the more chances you have.

There is, of course, the line.

I don't think anyone really knows where it is though.



Oh and watch "Swingers." Great movie.

"She's like this little bunny and your this big ****ing bear, man! You're this big ****ing bear with these big ****ing claws and teeth and a ****ing bear, man! So what you gonna do with these big ****ing claws, man? She's this little ****ing bunny and your this big bear, man!" - Hillarious sheet, and points somewhere at the line too!


For some reason any night me and the lads watch it we all go out and score!

Ahhhh but the wonders of TV. It knows all you know.

sceptre

1 Ask her what she wants out of the relationship

2 Get her to define "pushy"

3 Ask her what you do to avoid being pushy

4 Be glad of this new honesty that has entered your relationship


Simpler.

Typedef

Treat em mean hmm?

Works just fine, until you use and abuse her and all her friends find out. Then none of her friends want to know you.

Do that enough and next thing you know, you have 'no' available women to hunt. Also, from experience, in both directions, when you overcome the challenge of a stand-off-ish partner, you or she (normally) the one who made the 'effort' to begin with, looses interest.

A much better approach to relationships is to drop the pretences and be honest. In the real-world™, if you approach a relationship with an agenda (like) I'm going to treat her mean, so she will want me, you in the first instance base your relationship on a false pretence.

This does not bode well for the future. If it were me, I'd just give her some space.... and perhaps invite her out for a good meal (in town .. (you pay)) and then out to Spirit or Cafe en Siene, the Capitol bar and so on, ie a romantic evening, between just the two of you.

If after that, said girl is 'still' in (you're crowding me) mode, then perhaps it is time to find a different girlfriend*

*Typedef : well aware of how his past exploits in this arena, make him a hypocrite™

Beëlzebooze

maybe she HAS lost interest in you, and wants to move on. talk to her, find out.

Dr_Teeth

Ask her to phone you and ask YOU out. If she doesn't then there's your answer. There's no point wasting your time with this 'playing hard to get' bull**** imho, there are plenty of girls out there who'll talk straight and treat you right.

Teeth.

Kell

Mmmnnn........ asking her what she defines as pushy might be exactly what she defines as someone being pushy. Womens brains, very strange things indeed. She might be looking for casual casual casual relationship with the minimum contact and no heavy chats.

I'd miss out on texting and phoning her until she calls you then just go along with it. Take each day/date/whatever as it comes and try not to have any preconceptions as to how you want things to turn out.

If they dont pan out the way you want them too then you get hurt and you dont want that.

K-

Lexie

From a female point of view, I think your girlfriend may be getting cold feet about the relationship and maybe she wants out. For me to cancel dates would mean that I wasnt interested anymore. Maybe she was hurt in a previous relationship or something like that. Talk to her and ask her about her actions and intentions. Give her a call or arrange to meet up and chat about it. Only 2 things can happen, you will stay together or you will part. Best of Luck.:)

Beruthiel

and she told me i was been pushy

right francie, I'm guessing you are both pretty young - the above comment would leave me to believe that you might as well forget about her, if she was into you I am sure you would be in no doubt.
as for playing hard to get, I don't mean to be nasty here, but that is just childish, if you can't be dead straight with someone in this situation how is there going to be a relationship in the first place, it's not exactly the best of starts?
If you like her and want to know, just ask her to give you a straight answer, is she is interested or not? there is no point hanging around for her - remember - so many women, so little time!!

Typedef

For me to cancel dates would mean that I wasnt interested anymore. Maybe she was hurt in a previous relationship or something like that.

Isn't it great, when you get to foot the bill of every other man in the universe?

Men, it would seem are alot like, the ubiquitous amorphous 'Irish'. In the same way Irish people are all drunks... all men are invariably bastards.

Best yet are the women who give out about 'racists' and sexual repression in one conversation and then turn around and spout off about how all men are the same (bastards) in the next conversation.

Typedef : Loves women, especially the one's who talk the talk and walk the walk.

really

Typedef

Dear <blank>

I umm had a real nice time on our date, but, you see, since you are a man and a man hurt me once, I will now hurt you, because in some small way that helps me get back at him.

It's not that I'm not ready for a relationship, I am... only it has to be me who has 'control'...a relationship on my terms.. since as a man, you don't count anyway... because you know... if you don't control a relationship... you might get hurt...... so, you will have to be my prop, unfortunate, but wholely right, because you see... if I don't hurt you first.. you will just hurt me.

Thanks for calling.

Love Judy

Shad0r

Originally posted by francie brady
I just started to see this girl and i'm already getting to like her alot. Only thing is i don't know what she is playing at. She says she likes me, fancies me. But on two ocassions she has canceled our dates. And the other night i asked when will we met again and she told me i was been pushy. So now i am affaid to ask her out again.

Yeah your in trouble. Were the two occasions she canceled in a row?

So i've decided to try and play hard to get. If she likes me and fancies me she should be interested right? What i'm looking for are tips on how to play hard to get. I've never done it before. I've kinda seen it as been cruel but it's kind of a last ditch atempt advance things with her.

These little games that get played are all part of what its about. None of them should be cruel. The thing is that in your situation it sounds like she was initially interested but now she's spent some time with you, she isnt as interested. Thats not a bad reflection on you it just means you haven't been doing enough.

The most exciting part of a relationship for most people (early days) is in the chase. If after you two got together _you_ (singular) started to slip into a comfort zone, thats bad.

You need to do something (one thing to start with) thats out of charachter. For example, if she rings you and you'd usually be straight back on the phone to her at the next available opportunity (which I'm guessing is the case) dont ring her back until the next day and when you do ring her back, make a lame excuse. It HAS to be believable though.

So lads and girls any tips on playing hard to get?

The treat em mean, keep em keen thing is absolutly true. The problem is that very few people can have actually productive relationships and "treat em mean" (over any extended period of time) at the same time.

Tips I'd give:
Play it cool. Dont be over anxious or enthusiastic with her.
Do something to unbalance the view she has of you. (asap) You need her to reevaluate who she thinks you are.
Develop a bad relationship with your mobile. For example:
ALMOST NEVER send text messages to her*. (Seriously if your texting her all the time thats probably about 80% of the reason your in this situation.) If she texts you and doesnt ask a Q that needs answering, dont reply. If she asks a question that does need answering, wait for a while, then either ring her or wait for even longer and then text her back. NEVER pre-emptivly send her a text.

*Completely disregard this entire part if your still in school/ under 18 years of age.

My ten cents for what its worth

Beruthiel

does all that crap work for you shador? because if you started messing me around like that I'd just tell you to take a hike

Sposs

Me thinks Shad0r hasn't got Laid in a lOOOOOONG Time

Kell

Originally posted by Typedef

Dear <blank>

I umm had a real nice time on our date, but, you see, since you are a man and a man hurt me once, I will now hurt you, because in some small way that helps me get back at him.

It's not that I'm not ready for a relationship, I am... only it has to be me who has 'control'...a relationship on my terms.. since as a man, you don't count anyway... because you know... if you don't control a relationship... you might get hurt...... so, you will have to be my prop, unfortunate, but wholely right, because you see... if I don't hurt you first.. you will just hurt me.

Thanks for calling.

Love Judy


Come in Typedef, lie back on the sofa and put your feet up. Take some deep breaths. Yes thats it, now are you feeling relaxed? Good, good. Now, I would like you to start off by telling me about your mother.........

Typie, theres lots of frustration in you somewhere. It's starting to get through the cracks. lol

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Kell
Typie, theres lots of frustration in you somewhere. It's starting to get through the cracks. lol

I thought the same thing kell, perhaps at the next pissup we should take him aside and see if he wants to get anything off his chest..

Typedef

I thought the same thing kell, perhaps at the next pissup we should take him aside and see if he wants to get anything off his chest..


You mean at queer beers on the 12th?
see you there girlfriends.... muhahaha

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Typedef
You mean at queer beers on the 12th?
see you there girlfriends.... muhahaha

that, my dear stiletto wearing friend, is a date! up for it kell??

Kell

Ruthie & Typie- I dont know where these insinuations come from!(stamps foot indignantly)

Typie, I still owe you a jar so maybe we could meet up some night, just you and me, and you can bring those gold pumps and the marigolds. PM me and we'll fix a date.


K-

Gordon

Francie, I wouldn't advise you playing hard to get but to be honest it can help. Sometimes a firm hand is needed and women love that (as I've been told by ex's)

If I had to play hard to get to get a woman then she wouldn't be worth it in my books... unless she was rich and gorgeous... bah maybe not.

aine

treat em mean keep em keen may work in the short term, but if you want this to go somewhere in the long term then I wouldnt go for that approach! Most girls will have a thing or two with 'bad' boys at some stage or another! but very few will settle down with them! so Id go for the direct approach tell her you like her (i know that should be kinda obvious what with having asked her out etc) and just ask her straight out what she thinks! if she still says you are being pushy then my friend I doubt she wants owt serious anyway!!!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Typedef

Yeah.

If you want to be a 'bad' boy... go get a motorcycle... that way.. you can treat her right... and not feel like a pansy

Typedef: Glad his motorbike validates his being a man.. despite being known to treat women right... <sometimes>

Kell

Originally posted by Typedef
Yeah.

Typedef: Glad his motorbike validates his being a man.. despite being know to treat women right... <sometimes>

I would say a motorcycle is a reflection of self doubt about the size of ones member that one needs to feel something bigger between ones legs in order to display it to the unsuspecting public.

(Better not stray too far off topic. I dont want to end up being binned again- and NO Joan Collins jokes this time Typie)

Typedef

Nonesense.

It reminds me of how fem it is to sit in traffic jams and how doubleplus fem it is to slag bikers.

Kell

Originally posted by Typedef
Nonesense.

It reminds me of how fem it is to sit in traffic jams and how doubleplus fem it is to slag bikers.

Pffft.

smiles

Shadows tips on texting are well in use the world over.

My best mate has some simple rules:

* When he texts you, reply if you need/want to.
* Never send two texts in a row (like if he doesnt reply then you don't text him again until he texts you).
* Always take the same length of time (optional longer) to reply as he does.
* Don't call him, let him call you.

It's a game,

<< Fio >>

logic1

Originally posted by Beruthiel
does all that crap work for you shador? because if you started messing me around like that I'd just tell you to take a hike

Wouldn't he be lucky.

.logic.

simon_partridge

Originally posted by sceptre
2 Get her to define "pushy"

That's a reference to the girl's genitals, isn't it? Even I know that!!!

Well if you're Gerry Adams, maybe, anyway...

daveg

Tell her to go Fúck herself.

LMFAO Best advice given so far. Good man Mercury

Shad0r

Originally posted by Beruthiel
does all that crap work for you shador?

Yes.

because if you started messing me around like that I'd just tell you to take a hike

What do you mean by messing around? I dont mess girls around. Next thing you'll be claiming that flirting is messing someone around. Its a game, it always is whether you want to play or not..

Originally posted by Sposs
Me thinks Shad0r hasn't got Laid in a lOOOOOONG Time

You shouldnt think...look what it does to your grammer

Na all taking the p!ss aside, I do ok from a getting laid pov.

But Sposs your confusing the issue. francie brady was asking a Q about a "relationship" problem not a sex problem. The two dont have to be connected.

francie brady

Thanx all. For once i got a good and helpful reaction from this board. So heres the deal.

We're going out tomorrow night, just for some drinks. My plan of action is to be honest and straight to the point. We've only been out on a date once before so this will be our second date. But i've known her for a while and i know she's been hurt by guys before. It's not in my nature to be a bastard. I'm going to ask her if she's interested and tell her that i am. I'm going to lay off with the texting. And if she wants to talk she can ring.

Only problem is i started to fall for this girl before we started to date. But if she continues the way she is i'll soon fall the toher way.

BrianD3

My best mate has some simple rules:

* When he texts you, reply if you need/want to.
* Never send two texts in a row (like if he doesnt reply then you don't text him again until he texts you).
* Always take the same length of time (optional longer) to reply as he does.
* Don't call him, let him call you

Your "mate" is a silly, immature little girl. It's unfortunate that most women feel the need to play these stupid mind games. Some of them seem to grow out of it by the time they reach 35 or so, others never grow out of it.

Only a daft bimbo would be concerned about timing her text message replies like that.

Women are such hypocrites, they have "rules" about not calling guys, yet if a guy doesn't call them he's a bastard, he's a jerk etc. Talk about a double standard.

have a nice day,
Brian

Amz

LMFAO at those girlies texting "rules" for Christs sake!!!

Does the girl sit there with a stopwatch just in case she replies a few seconds quicker than him coz i seriously doubt he notices the effort she's putting into the whole stupid f*ckin thing!!

It's rediculous! text if you feel like it!
Guys don't seem to text as much anyway so I wouldnt get offended if they didnt reply instantaniously!(sp?) hehe!

Enygma

Jaysus, girls are fecking weird when you think about it aren't they?

That guy earlier was right tell her to go F*ck herself.

Plenty of fish in the sea, get out there.

sceptre

Originally posted by francie brady
My plan of action is to be honest and straight to the point.

Yes. (punches arm in air). You get it. Silly games are for silly children. The worst that can happen if you're honest is that you get an honest push-off. At least you'll know. The best that can happen is that she realises you're above all that game crap*, respects you for that and the sky's the limit. I wish you well.


*except sometimes applying Von Neuman's minimax theorem to the way you run your life. That's often OK.

DrummerBoy

Originally posted by Gordon
Sometimes a firm hand is needed and women love that (as I've been told by ex's)

Sometimes there's more than one bit of advice in a sentence. What's the key phrase in that one I wonder?

:rolleyes:

francie brady

I won't go into details but last nights date was a massive success.
Thanx for all the advice everyone give. But i think you can't beat been honest and straight to the point.

Gordon

Wow, I'm losing it if I don't even notice my double entendres any more

Congrats Francie! With respect to switching the "hard to get" on or off - I'm glad that you will be having it off.

Trojan

Hmm, interesting stuff there. I have to agree with Shadow on all his points.

Beruthial, I think that what women *say* they want, and what women actually *do* want are not the same thing You're right, if a guy is a complete muppet then dump him, but all the same he has to provide a bit of a challenge too.

Look at all the nice guys with girl "lets just be friends". Look at all the good looking girls going out with guys who seem to be jerks.

How would you feel in a job interview if they asked you for a salary figure, you say 30k and they immediately agree? I'd think ******, I should have gone 35 and negotiated back. I think the principals are somewhat similar.

Oh, and never buy an unknown girl a drink straight off in a club just because she's good looking - wait and see what's happening with your conversation first.

Be a challenge, not a walkover

Al.

Shad0r

Originally posted by francie brady
But i think you can't beat been honest and straight to the point.

Great news. Plyd etc but did you figure out why she cancelled those times on you? Or why she was calling you pushy?

If no and you really are head over heels for this girl I suggest you find out.

Originally posted by Trojan
Hmm, interesting stuff there. I have to agree with Shadow on all his points.

At last, experience talking.

Typedef

No offence lads, but, umm, I'd sooner take a lady's advice ™ (such as Beruthiel) on pulling a chick then I would a man's advice (such as random treat-em mean exponents in this thread).


edit : I hadn't even read this.

I won't go into details but last nights date was a massive success.
Thanx for all the advice everyone give. But i think you can't beat been honest and straight to the point.

qed

Typedef : Feeling smug since conception.

Shad0r

Originally posted by Typedef
No offence lads, but, umm, I'd sooner take a lady's advice ?(such as Beruthiel) on pulling a chick then I would a man's advice (such as random treat-em mean exponents in this thread).

Thats your perogative Typie take any advice you like. But please when your crying yourself to sleep at night because you didnt score *again* dont come back here asking for advice and then not be able to discern the good from the bad.

Typedef : Feeling smug since conception.

:rolleyes:

Typedef

I don't do smilies.

humbug.

Trojan

Originally posted by Typedef
No offence lads, but, umm, I'd sooner take a lady's advice ™ (such as Beruthiel) on pulling a chick then I would a man's advice (such as random treat-em mean exponents in this thread).

Sure... whatever.

I still say: watch what the women do, not what they say they do, they are often not the same thing, even if the woman believes they are (and most of the time they believe what they tell you). Of course I'm sure that's not true for any of the women reading this board

Attraction is not a logical thing, and you can't convince someone to be attacted to you, vice versa they cannot make themselves be attracted to you just because they think you're nice.

Any women want to back me up on this?

Al.

Shad0r

Originally posted by Typedef
No offence lads, but, umm, I'd sooner take a lady's advice ?(such as Beruthiel) on pulling a chick then I would a man's advice (such as random treat-em mean exponents in this thread).

So who's advice would you take on buying a car? Lemmie guess a Volvo right? Because its a car...it must know more about cars than say a person who knows a lot about cars.

Before you say that thats ridiculous, it isn't any more ridiculous than what you've said. To generalise is false. Just because Beruthial is a woman doesnt make her advice any more valuable than any of the men that replied to the thread. (I'm not even going to get into the fact that Fio (also a lady) replied saying things that essentially were along the same vein as I have)

I think what you were really trying to say Typie is that Beruthial's advice is more in line with what you perceive to be the way things are and you possibly even think that because a gurl has said it that its verification for you. "Thank god, I never have to get involved with those dirty games where ppl get hurt". Rubbish.

I'm getting the impression that ppl are getting the wrong idea here. Just because one knows how to "correctly" treat a gf "mean and keep em keen" doesnt mean that they are a bast4rd or that they treat said gf badly. Not at all.

Mean, in this case, does not equal cruel. It does not equal bad.
In fact the difference between being a nice guy and someone who can and will play this game PROPERLY is essentially just timing. Theres nothing sinister or onimous about it at all.

Shad0r

Originally posted by Trojan
I still say: watch what the women do, not what they say they do, they are often not the same thing, even if the woman believes they are

I heartily endorse this product and/or service.

Originally posted by Trojan
Attraction is not a logical thing, and you can't convince someone to be attacted to you, vice versa they cannot make themselves be attracted to you just because they think you're nice.

No they definitly cant make themselves be attracted to you just because your nice. There are too many other elements required.

That said you CAN convince someone that might not normally find you attractive, to be attracted to you. Its not terribly logical but phsycologists have written books on the process and there are buttons there calling out to be pushed if you know what they are and how to use them.

And I'm not talking about a very very bold thing called manipulation either.

francie brady

Originally posted by Shad0r
Great news. Plyd etc but did you figure out why she cancelled those times on you? Or why she was calling you pushy?

At the time she did give reasons for her cancelations, but whether they were true i don't know. One was her car broke down, and i tend to believe this as i had to pick her up the other night. I did ask her what she meant by the "pushy". she aplogised for saying it, i think she said it beofre she got to know me. She said i'm free to make suggestions. So we're going out to the pictures soon.

She also said that she loves a challenege, but i made it clear that i wasn't into playing games.

smiles

She could have valid reasons for cancelling...

My mates been asked out 5 times by this guy she's txting, and she's had to say no each and every time cause she was either working or in another part of the country (yay, she visited me in galway).

Problem is that she really fancies the guy, but can't bring herself to ask _him_ out.

<< Fio >>