Understanding Engineers

Seaneh

>Understanding Engineers - Take One
> >
> > Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one
> > said,
> > "Where did you get such a great bike?"
> > The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
> > minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
> > bike.
> > She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
> > said,
> > "Take what you want."
> > The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
> > probably wouldn't have fitted."
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Two
> >
> > To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
> > glass is half empty.
> > To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Three
> >
> > A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> > particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
> > with these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
> > chimed in,
> > "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "
> > The priest said, "Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a
> > word
> > with him." "Hi George, what's the matter that group ahead of us?
> > They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green keeper replied,
> > "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.
> > They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
> > last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
> > The group was silent for a moment.
> > Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
> > prayer for them tonight."
> > The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
> > ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do for
> > them."
> > Th e engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Four
> > A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced
> > altitude
> > and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
> > "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him
> > an hour ago,
> > but I don't know where I am."
> > The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
> > approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41
> > degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
> > longitude."
> > "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
> > "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is,
> > technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
> > information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not
> > been
> > much help so far."
> > The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
> > "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
> > "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you
> > are
> > going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of
> > hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and
> > you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you
> > are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now,
> > somehow, it's my fault."
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Five
> >
> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
> > Engineers?
> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Six
> >
> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
> > possible designers of the human body.
> > One said, "It was a mechanical e ngineer. Just look at all the
> > joints."
> > Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
> > system
> > has many thousands of electrical connections."
> > The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
> > run
> > toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
> >
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
> >
> > Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
> > Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough
> > features yet.
> >
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
> >
> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
> > was
> > better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
> > said
> > he
> > enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
> > enduring
> > relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
> > because
> > of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I
> > like
> > both."
> > "Both?" Replied the architect and artist.
> > "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
> > you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
> > get
> > some work done."
> >
> > Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
> >
> > One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out to
> > him
> > and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
> > He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
> > The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
> > into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
> > The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
> > returned
> > it to the pocket.
> > The frog then cri ed out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
> > princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
> > Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
> > into his pocket.
> > Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
> > beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
> > you
> > want. Why won't you kiss me?"
> > The engineer said, "Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
> > girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
>
>

de5p0i1er

LOL

I showed this to an engineer I work with and he thought it was funny also.

Keep em coming.