girl i like, but i don't know what to do

Fal

there's this girl i like in college, but i have no experience with girls, i've never even had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl, so i'm lost here.

i've known her since the start of the year, and we're good friends. i think she likes me too. in all the time i've known her she's never had a boyfriend (she's never mentioned it anyway), she doesn't talk about boys or anything like that a lot, but i think she likes me.

it's not that i'm afraid of rejection (i am kinda), it's that i have absolutly no idea what to do. is it up to me as the man to initiate things and get things moving? what should i do? i'd ask my other friends but i'd feel embaressed to tell em that i've never kissed a girl.

help please.

The Saint

Try to spend more time with her on your own, like in the pub or cafe and such. Try to make your intentions and feelings clear without being blatant, remember you should never be too nice. Eventually you should be able to see if there is something on her side which in time will become more obvious. I think the best oppertunity to kiss is unfortunately when you are out and drunk. This seems to be the only option for people nowadays. Dont worry about the kissing part, just dont try to tongue wrestle her. Take it easy, its not very hard, well not until you get her in the sack. Just be yourself and see how it goes. Best of luck dude.

Doodee

everyone has to start somewhere mate, and u just cant sit around waiting for her to ask you. Get talking to her a bit more, even flirt a bit, if she flirts back, then u may have a chance, but be careful not to spoil a friendship over misunderstood feelings, Read the signs, if u catch her glimpsing at you and turning away quickly its one, another is if she flicks her hair when u look at her, or if she smiles, or if she looks to the ground, there little things that are done within the subconscious of women, but it dont happen for all of em.

Just gather the stones and ask her to join you for coffee or else a drink, get talking, if she is a chatty as you then just pop her the question, anything really, like "Can I kiss you?"


Good luck.

Swampy

Just go for it. I was in the same situation. Had a few drinks asked her could i kiss her and then did.

Its much better to get it over with, otherwise you'll be thinking of it non-stop.

Good Luck

The Saint

Mmmm, lets see if we can get you any help from the ladies here since they seem to know what they want. So girls, how do you like to be approached/chatted up by a guy you may fancy and what is the best way to initiate a kiss? The life and sanity of Fal depend on you and I might be slightly interested also seens how I havent chatted a bird up in about 4 years. I have forgotten how its done.

mooman_00

the fact that she might be as nervous as you is good as you can relax and take things slowly, learning new things together rather than worrying about being a don wan :rolleyes: , still though you have to get over the first fence so to speak before you start thinking about anything else.........as for doing that ask her straight up does she like you/ wanna go out with you its the only way to get results...even if they are not the ones you want, you have to experience rejection more often than succeding......


or maybe thats just me.....

Seraphina

woah stop right there
for a start i know alot of guys are all for the direct approach, but maybe its just me and im weird, but i always find the direct approach intimidating and have turned down guys i kinda liked before just because they put me on the spot and i got very nervous. so try and avoid that if she seems shy.

so just start off by inviting her out a bit more just the two of you. dont make it really obvious, if you're chatting in college, just ask her do you want to go for a coffee or something, all casual like...

the signs are there sometimes, then sometimes they are misinterpreted. i do things which can be considered flirting when im agitated or nervous, i flick my hair, look at people and look away etc.

its not entirely up to you, altho some women may act like that, and dont worry about the fact that you've never kissed a girl, like the saint said if you dont try and tongue wrestle(which can be a little off putting on a first kiss sometimes) there really isnt much too it.

Tusky

aye its one of those things that has to be done and after youve done it you kinda think what the hell was i so afraid of try to be confident and frndly and as others have said spend some time with just her and you !

If you allready have her phone number then give her a ring for a chat or to invite for cofee/pint ! it should be fairly easy to tell if she likes you or thinks your a loony from that

well best of luck and BTW if shes a shy girl like she sounds to be...i would agree with Seraphina....the "can i kiss you now" question might scare the pants off her for worse rather than beter

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Seraphina
so just start off by inviting her out a bit more just the two of you. dont make it really obvious

Make it obvious.
If she doesnt know that you like her she will never kiss you.
Have you not seen aladdin?!!¬¬¬

ALADDIN:
Genie, I need help.

GENIE:
All right, sparky, here's the deal. You wanna court the little lady, you gotta be a straight shooter, do ya follow me?

ALADDIN:
What?

GENIE:
Tell her the...TRUTH!!!


The genie spelt it out for you on a big blackboards in BLACK AND WHITE.

Seraphina

see the problem is, when guys think they're being subtle, they're really not. and when they're being direct, they usually come across as tactless and pushy.
just my opinion....

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

well seraphina, on behalf of men everywhere I apologise

vac

it's not that i'm afraid of rejection (i am kinda), it's that i have absolutly no idea what to do.

Just get a few beers into you, and send the bird a txt msg. Shit its not exactly romantic but this isn't exactly paris either is it?

Or you could break the ice and tell her you're using SweetRelease™

Chucky

Ye are all so blatantly wrong....well on most parts.

Pay attention to the girl and her surroundings. eg - If she changes her hairsyle someday tell her you like it. If she buys new clothes do the same.

If you see that she needs help with college work show her that you do care and just offer to help. Dont force the issue though. Just be prepared to sacrifice your time for her.

You cannot rush into things like this. You sound like a very nice guy. Your day will come

sceptre

Originally posted by DeadBankClerk
Make it obvious.
If she doesnt know that you like her she will never kiss you.
Have you not seen aladdin?!!¬¬¬

ALADDIN:
Genie, I need help.

GENIE:
All right, sparky, here's the deal. You wanna court the little lady, you gotta be a straight shooter, do ya follow me?

ALADDIN:
What?

GENIE:
Tell her the...TRUTH!!!


The genie spelt it out for you on a big blackboards in BLACK AND WHITE.

Oh hell it's spreading. How long have I been saying this?

Advice for life above.

On the other hand if you all start being honest, my little advantage will go away so, er don't.

Do the coffee thing, if you're shy like me (no really), mention that too. That's being honest as well. If she's not thick she'll add two and two and make four. If she's thick you didn't really know her anyway.

ferdi

stop fannying about and do something, maybe a few beers would help ye?

Tusky

Originally posted by Chucky
Ye are all so blatantly wrong....well on most parts.

Pay attention to the girl and her surroundings. eg - If she changes her hairsyle someday tell her you like it. If she buys new clothes do the same.

If you see that she needs help with college work show her that you do care and just offer to help. Dont force the issue though. Just be prepared to sacrifice your time for her.

You cannot rush into things like this. You sound like a very nice guy. Your day will come

pffffft i dotn agree at all - hes not trying to marry her,just trying to tell her how he feels ! he shouldnt pussy foot around imo

logic1

Are you in Dublin or some country ass college?

Are u first year or later?

Usually first years go out alot more and there might be more opportunity for ye to meet outside of college, if ye both live in Dublin maybe u could meet her for coffee or whatever over the weekend, i.e if she doesn't go home to the country at weekends or whatever.

Basically you need to arrange it so both of u are in the same place at the same time preferably a relaxed atmosphere where ye can talk about general crap.

.logic.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Typedef

Originally posted by logic1

Basically you need to arrange it so both of u are in the same place at the same time preferably a relaxed atmosphere where ye can talk about general crap.

so umm...

you got girlfriend Vietnam?

Edit:

is it up to me as the man to initiate things and get things moving?

yes

what should i do?

what logic said.

misswex

Think everybody has give you good advice. But I personally would prefer not to be asked directly so I agree with the lads who said that you should just invite her out for a drink and if she's says no, you can probably gather thats she just likes you as a friend

Good luck anyway, let us know how you got on

So 'The Saint' how come you haven't chatted up any girls in 4 years, I'm just being curious now??? How old are you???

The Saint

Coz my master doesnt let me out of the dungeon as I scare the common folk, although he did give me this nice laptop to converse with people from the outside world without the unpleasantness. And I am 23 but my deformed features make me look like Quasimodo. Why, did I grab your attention, you little minx?

misswex

As I said I was just being curious

LegacyUser

Advice coming from a 31 year old virgin probably isn't the best to follow, but if I were you I would carefully weigh how you would feel if you asked her out against how you would feel if you didn't.

One of the greatest sorrows I have experienced in my life is not telling someone I really cared for how I felt. Even if she had rejected me, at least now I would know that nothing could have happened, but you can't turn back the clock. One pearl of wisdom which is very applicable in this situation: it is always better to regret things that you did, rather than rue over things that you didn't do.

In my view, you should make it very clear to this girl that you like her. If she can't read the obvious signs over a period of time then I would vocalise my feelings for her - but it is very important that you should be friends first, because if you're not she could feel very uncomfortable. Asking in the atmosphere of a cafe / pub could make both of you feel more comfortable, although I never like advocating alcohol to ease the act.

Rejection does hurt - but take it from someone who knows: never asking her could be infinitely more painful.

The best of luck to you.

smiles

Flirt, perhaps if you're too shy to make the first move then encourage her.

Look her directly in the eyes when you're talking, occasionally smile when you look at her and maybe tell her that she looks pretty, from her reaction you should be encourage as to whether or not she likes you.

The asking her if you can kiss her can be a good thing, i've used it!

<< Fio >>

Chucky

Originally posted by smiles
The asking her if you can kiss her can be a good thing, i've used it!

Definately. Ive used it. Ive also tried the other approach of just trying to kiss them and, well...she turned away. haha.

Definately try this though. It like, makes them think you are sweet or something -> that you are really genuine and care

Fal

we're both in 1st year in college. i've tried the whole spend more time alone with her, and she seems to do the same, that's why i think she feels the same way. i didn't have any friends for a while in secondary school, so i never learned all the proper rules and eqqitte of dating and stuff, should i just ask her does she want to be my girlfriend or something like that...

Typedef

Originally posted by smiles
Flirt, perhaps if you're too shy to make the first move then encourage her.

Look her directly in the eyes when you're talking, occasionally smile when you look at her and maybe tell her that she looks pretty

yeah... girls hate that sort of thing.... it's the 90's after all... these days... women would rather.... be independant... righteously indignant .... and single....

see.. that's what you get for 10,000 years of oppression from men..... you let them have the vote... and next thing ... no live-in slave..... shocking..... but seriously.. this sufferage thing has gone far enough!

Typedef

we're both in 1st year in college. i've tried the whole spend more time alone with her, and she seems to do the same, that's why i think she feels the same way

Take the advice from the girl mate.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=858804#post858804

Try to randomly intersperse compliments in the conversation.

Tell her how:

You love the sway of her hair ...
Compliment her on her clothes.... and make an effort to notice things like new outfits/ways of fixing hair.

If you really want a good way to move from "friends" to 'something else' with said chick... invite her out to ... (a) the movies or better yet (b) dinner *.

In either case bring her a flower.... something thoughtful..... and make sure the arranged time of meeting is late enough (apres 7pm par example) such that there can be little ambiguity as to your intentions.... the flower is the clincher...

it says 'yes I am amoursly interested', without you having to go to the akward lay-it-out-on-the-table-and-get-slapped-down-for-coming-on-too-strong thang... a flower will also make her think you are sensitive....

you needn't tell her interweb wierdos advised such cliché amourous overtures.

* Dinner is a big 'first-date' if the two of you are total novices.... you might seem... ... too keen/wierd/desperate...**
** That said dinner is romantic.... and sets you apart from the 9x% of men who will most likely go for the quick grope in a club... so since you want to do the relationship thang... I'd advise romanticism...***
*** Or a BMW.

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Fal
so i never learned all the proper rules and eqqitte of dating and stuff, should i just ask her does she want to be my girlfriend or something like that...

Open doors for her. Offer to pay for your evenings activity (be it cinema or whatever). If she doesnt offer to pay her way slap her upside the head. She is a tight bitch and you are better off without her, and she slept with your best friend, and she smells of fish.

Treat her as an equal and just go out and have a laugh, don't force anything. At the end of the night kiss her on the cheek, tell her you had a great time and tell her you would love to meet up with her again soon.

Then if she is hesitant to arrange a similar evening, just be friends with her. Sleep with her best friend. Get her drunk at a party and tell her that you love her.

Bounty Hunter

I know this dosent sound like the most honest approach but it will give you the info you need, ovoid devestating rejection and not make her annoyed at you for being too forward.

Just when you're talking to her say something like that you're friend keeps telling you she fancys you or wants to go out with you or something and then ask if it's true.

if she likes you she will say she does exept she might add she did'nt want too endanger you're friendship before
or
she could feel put on the spot and say No
if this is the case say something along the lines of thats a pitty and then jokingly say something like i cold have seen us as a couple or i could have seen myself really liking you
--now she would know that you like her(like that) but that youre not going to chase it so if she is interested she will have to make the next move which any shy guy would

i am personally shy also and this has worked for me(twice) once straight out and secondly she said no though i did'nt believe her and did as above and she got a friend of hers to tell me she did infact like me but was too shy to say so before i then talked about this with her and we started going out

its a tested method which met with success .....give it a try