help

LegacyUser

I can see ye have had topics like this before so sorry if ye are bored by all this!

Im basically at my wits end. Im a 20 year old male going to college in Dublin but live outside of dublin and get the bus up everyday.

My thoughts are really beginning to scare me. I used to think about 'ending it all' back in school during 5th and 6th year. Now, im in third year of college and ever since breaking up with my first girlfriend ive been getting worse and worse. And now those thoughts are returning and scaring me a lot.

Its now down to that i plan out how i will do it...and then what would life be like for those who know me after im gone. I dont go out much. Ive only ever had 2 proper girlfriends, though, im still a virgin. Im generally considered really cute by girls. Hell they even say it to my face, but that matters nothing.

It doesnt stop there. I exercise a fair bit but its got so far that it occupies my mind and my diet is gone off the rails completely. Im not overweight, or not too thin. But its like, I starve myself sumtimes for 36 hours and then eat a massive meal till im bloating right out. Then i feel terrible and starve myself again. this has ben happening since christmas. I dread next christmas, and im dreading easter. I tried to make myself vommit once because I got so annoyed.

My classmates dont understand it all either. They are not very supportive. they think its all an act. I have a lot of friends who look to me for advice and all that. Mostly female friends who just talk/txt me when they want to be cheered up. But then when Im feeling down where the hell do i turn to.

I fight with my mother all the time too. I dont like the course im studying in college. I dont want to settle into a job at this age. In fact i dont want to get a job EVER. I just dont really see much point anymore. please help me sumhow. just give me inspiring thoughts. i really need it

Riamfada

Hey okay. Yeah. Sounds alot like me in all fairness. Actually everything you said was practically the same. You have no choice but to battle through it, what cant kill you can only make you stronger? Look too the future and try to make a difference. There is nothing you can do to change the way things have become. We all just have to make do with the cards God gave us.
Alot of people go through this, but mate remember that your not alone. And living in Dublin cant help anyone anyways . Smile...take each day at a time....do your best to get what you want cause in the end the best person to get you out of depression is you. And try herbal stuff. They actually work!

Samara

I'm in no postition to advise you, but you sound very unhappy and depressed. I think if you could see your way to talking to a counsellor you could get to the bottom of things and start to work on improving things for yourself. When you find yourself considering ending it all, I think you really need to seek the help of someone who can understand your feelings as only a trained counsellor can. Everything you tell them is totally confidential and nobody need ever know your seeing one if you don't want them to. I know it's hard for a lot of people to take that step to opening up to a stranger, but I've had friends who did and found a weight lifted from their shoulders.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

Gaffo

I agree with Samara. Go to a counsellor. Find one in colllege. They're great. I was going through some serious **** this time last year and one of the college advisors really helped me out.

Even if you're thinking about ending it, you're still considering other people's feelings. Suicide is a very selfish act and you don't seem to be like that.

You're already on the first step, you've asked for help.

If you need to know somewhere to get free counselling outside of college pm me.

Gaffo

You're a guest so you probably can't.
This is my e-mail darraghgaffney@campus.ie

Tusky

sounds like you need som1 to talk to - and it also sounds like your sliping into that howible thing known as depression...in my exp it ALLWAYS passes.....mail gaffo...and if hes a gob****e and is no help mail myself bentonio88@hotmail.com

anywho whatever you decide to do try to be positive and keep telling yourself it will pass ! GL

Trojan

Hey dude,

Don't worry too much about ****, everyone goes through some sort of down period if not full-blown depression, at some stage of their lives, even the happiest people you meet. So don't think it's just you.

Next, try getting a bit more active, like become part of some sort of community (in this case a Real Life one would be better than just boards ). Maybe join a club at college or something.

Don't worry about the women thing, it's not that important, and things will work in your favour once you start talking to more people day to day.

And remember what the Guide says: "Don't Panic!"

Al.

LegacyUser

ok. yeh. wow actualy.

All of ye're replies cheered me up. cheers. I never thought people would actually show this much caring for someone they dont know.......and especially this much caring for a person like me.

It recently escaped out into the open at home about most of my problems, and my parents keep saying they want me to see someone. But thats' something I cannot do. It'd be too demoralising thinking that I, of all people need the help of others.

I didnt mention it the last time either but my ex girlfriend tried to commit suicide while i was going out with her. we had just started going out though so it was nothing to do with me. That was hard to get through. She was really beautiful aswell and she told me that it would have worked out except.....well, what happened.

oh never mind. i should be off to bed

Falkorre

Hiya,

Sounds to me like you might be suffering from depression.
Long-term feelings like you have been having are so much more common than you might believe. Hell, I'm a trained psych. an I still suffer from depression, it can affect anyone, anytime.
No matter *who* you are. And it *dosent* make you less of a person in any way, nor does it detract from who you are, or what you can achieve in your future.

Depression in this country is one of the most mis-understood disorders. All too often people are labeled lazy or good-for-nothing, or worse. And familly still often find it difficult to accecpt that their son or daughter might be suffering from it because often most of them still think it might have been caused by somthing they did wrong.

What you need to understand is that if you seek help with it, through whatever means, you can and probably will get through it and learn to cope a lot better than you probably imagine possible right now. However, the truth is, if you do not, then you will be isolating yourself and preventing yourself from healing. No-one can take that first step except you.

It is difficult, it is initially stressful at times, but many of us here can tell you, it *is* worth it.

And feel free to email me too if you ever want to (my addie is btumbleton@hotmail.com )

Barry

DriftingRain

If reading inspiring words from others is what you need right now, Boards is the best place to come. In agreement with the others, bad times fall on everyone at one place in time. Talking is the best way to get your feelings out in the open to learn how to fix them. In NO way is it " too demoralising " for you too seek help. The fact that your family is caring enough about your feelings to try to help you is great. I think you should take them up on the offer. Get some professional help. GOOD LUCK. Join boards and talk it out with us anytime we are all willing to help out anytime you need us!!

Caffine

like a few others a lot of what u said applys to me

im 19, had one gf, still a virgin (could have slept with gf but long story ), i did **** in my leaveing cert, im on year off atm before i do a plc or something, iv 2 freinds, 1 lives up the road and i barely see, other lives in galway and i never see, i do fck all, barely leave the house, i play sof2 most of the time

but even with all this im still happy, i am who i am , for a long time i was really depresed and suicidal at one point, but after talking with my m8 in galway im alright now

iv had a LOT of experiance with m8s being depressed and being depressed myself, a girl i used to know from icq was very depressed when i started talking to her, was cutting herself etc, she got a lot better just from haveing someone to talk too, as did i

as for how ppl will be if u do anything, a friend that lives up the road from me took and overdose about 2 years ago, i barely knew her at the time but i was devestated, as were anyone else who knew her, its very very hard to deal with (and belive me iv had to deal with a lot of stuff before), after she got out of hospital i basicly spent a week in her house makeing sure she was ok, she was still in bits and very ill, but know someone cared about her helped and shes my best friend now

the best thing to do is just to talk to someone, when i was doing bad i talked to m8s on the net, my best friend, anyone who cared really, be suprised how many nice ppl are out there

if u cant think of anyone do as other ppl have said and visit and counseller, its nothing to be ashamed off and anyone who cares about u would see that

best of luck, i hope things get worked out for u soon

LegacyUser

That last post there really made a difference.

Im just being a baby like ament I? There are obviously other people out there worse than me, and lets face it things arent as bad as they seem. I just need a positive outlook on all the good things I have going for me.

This has proven a real help. thanx all of ye. cheers

ferdi

Originally posted by Trojan
Don't worry too much about ****, everyone goes through some sort of down period if not full-blown depression, at some stage of their lives, even the happiest people you meet. So don't think it's just you.

truer words were never spoke. this happens to EVERYONE!!! i know it sucks but you'll get out of it, i did.

Annasopra

But thats' something I cannot do. It'd be too demoralising thinking that I, of all people need the help of others.

Its not too demoralising to admit that you need the help of others, all these people on boards have offered to help. While you might feel better in the short term reading all of these posts, I think that if you're problems are like you describe perhaps you need to see someone, even if it's just a GP

OK I'm going to tell you why:

I was bullied at school
My Mothers an alcoholic and manic depressive
I'm gay but haven't told my family
I have considered suicide several times.

For a long time I bottled up a lot of these problems, but now I am seeing a counsellor and on anti depressant medication

I dont want to sound like I'm telling you what to do, but you should consider counselling

embraer170

im 19, had one gf, still a virgin (could have slept with gf but long story ), i did **** in my leaveing cert, im on year off atm before i do a plc or something, iv 2 freinds, 1 lives up the road and i barely see, other lives in galway and i never see, i do fck all, barely leave the house, i play sof2 most of the time

but even with all this im still happy, i am who i am , for a long time i was really depresed and suicidal at one point, but after talking with my m8 in galway im alright now

This is going to sound so terrible but you really cheered me up. Was having a crap day (few days actually) but now you got me thinking, I am who I am.

Caffine

tbh i dont really care what ppl think, if i did i would have gone insane a few years back

a few months ago (2 weeks before my debs) my family found out my grandad abused 2 cousins, my sister, my brother and my uncle, and theres another brother that lives in wales and a few others we dunno about

one of my other cousins, his sister was abused, hes got mental problems for a few years now, hes few uears younger then me and at one stage was trying to kill himself almost everyday

there mother basicly had a nervous breakdown and is still recovering

another aunt, who totally thought the world of my grandad is in denial and could really have a breakdown herself

iv lost count of how many are in counselling (its problly around 4-5)

my sister is in conselling and has told us she told my gran about it when she was about 6 but my gran told her she was lieing and never to tell anyone again, which hurts my mum a lot cause my gran was a lovely person

after all this my stupid little problems just seem insignificant and dont bother me any more

Josh

i've been talking a bit about my problems on another thread and i just read your message on this one caffine. it's made me think.
I used to hear people say..."ahh but theres always people worse off than you" and it didn't mean anything. but when i read stuff like what you wrote now i realise there are people who have more right to feel hurt than i do. my problems were brought about pretty much by me (even though i know my alcoholism is a disease that i couldn't help). your family were hurt throught no fault of their own.

i hope they all get through it as much as they can, and thanks for posting that message.

Caffine

ty m8, same to u

i wouldnt get all worked up over the reason your depressed, noone can tell u not to be, everyone has the right to be upset sometimes whatever the reasons

btw the girl i know that overdosed, she was depressed cause of a drugs problem, so i know what your going thorugh with the alcohol, and i know its not easy

LegacyUser

i can see that i've triggered a lot of emotion and invited a lot of people to open up old (& current) wounds here.

I think its gud to share tho. Ive been feeling better recently after posting my problems here on boards......reading other people's problems, etc, etc. Taking all this info in has helped.

Hopefully the thoughts wont return but somehow i suspect they will. Mayb then i can put ye're advice into practice.

cheers everyone
cyas

Caffine

gl m8, sure there'll always be someone here if u need to post again