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First sign in the bible jokes

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  • 19-04-2003 5:17pm
    #1
    DamienH
    Registered Users Posts: 1,507 ✭✭✭


    Post all of your bible jokes here. Her's my one

    What's the first sign of travellers in the bible?



    Hosanah in the Hi-Ace


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    #2
    Manaris
    Registered Users Posts: 154 ✭✭Manaris


    What's the first sign of sex in the bible?
    When Jesus was laid in the tomb.

    What's the first sign of constipation in the bible?
    When Moses took two tablets and went up the mountain.


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    #3
    QBall
    Closed Accounts Posts: 99 ✭✭QBall


    First sign of elasticity in the Bible:

    Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked 40 miles into the desert.

    (Heard it years ago, and was looking for the exact joke and found a Bible quote:
    "Untie the ass and bring her here to me. If any one inquires why you take the ass, just say, The master has a need of her; and then the owner will come on with you."
    My innuendo-ometer went off the scale. :-) )


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    #4
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,543 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    when the worms and maggots entered the ark in pears.

    Edit 'cos piped at post ..

    Not funny but where did Adam's son get his wife ????


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    #5
    superconor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 953 ✭✭✭superconor


    good ones so far...

    what was the first sign of football in the bible?
    Jesus went up for the cross.
    My innuendo-ometer went off the scale. :-) )
    as i said to kingconor and axe one day; "A day without sexual innuendo is like a day without sunshine!"


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    #6
    Silent Bob
    Registered Users Posts: 491 ✭✭Silent Bob


    When David served in the court of Solomon


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    #7
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,543 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    In genesis there is the story of Adam using an Apple to gain forbidden knowledge and having to hide his embarassement behind a fig leaf when he's caught.


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    #8
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,543 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Back in the thirties in rural Ireland a politician was on his soapbox trying hard to get the farming vote. "Farming is the oldest profession" said he. "Would ya go away outa dat ole nonsense" came back from one of the farmers.
    The politician then explained that "In the Bible it says the world was created from chaos, and it's been farmed ever since " And from the crowd "right ya are - but tell us 'dis - who created the chaos ?...."

    BTW: while there are many references to the oldest profession in the Bible - the story of Lot and his daughters after the cities were destroyed is probably the one you are least likely to hear in a sermon.


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