the 2nd worst joke on boards

cujimmy

There are two legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from their unit and are lost.
They've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die
from dehydration. When as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them.
Naturally, they can't believe their eyes and think it's a mirage.
But as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders' cries, and they eventually reach the market and realise that it's really there.
So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stallholder.
"Stallholder, we have been travelling in the desert for many days, and have had no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some you can sell us - tell us, do you have any sustenance for us?"
The stallholder shook his head and replied. "I'm sorry, French legionnaire type people, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly. Topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands."
The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall. Where they ask the stallholder, "Mr purveyor of fine foodstuffs and the like. We have been travelling through the desert for days. Deprived of the necessary beverages and foodstuffs which are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water."
The stallholder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed.
"Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is. I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me... all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly. Topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands. With a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top - there," he said, pointing out the glace cherry.
"I cannot help you..."
The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall. Where they demand of the stallholder, "Look mate, we need water or we'll die. We've been travelling without water for days and need some now. Do you have any you can sell us?"
The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed, "Sorry, fellas, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands. I can't help you. I'll have to condemn you to a long and lingering death through dehydration."
The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall. Asking each stallholder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives.
But each stallholder gave the same reply.
All they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and hundreds and thousands.
Dejected and resigned to their grim fate. The legionnaires left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other, and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere. And all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands."
The other turned to face his companion and replied,


"Yes,

it was a trifle bazaar..."

Pugsley

Start running or the angry mob will catch up with you..........

de5p0i1er

make room for me in that mob.

Mark

Ill be the guy with the pitchfork

TomTom

Please hurt him please. I want to book a place in the mob, where do I join

EdBanger

AK's For EvverrrryyyyBooodddyyyy!!!!

exiztone

You sir are worse than Hitler.

Victor

You'll get your just desserts for that one ....

Tyrrial

damn you to hell SPAWN OF SATAN!!!

Pugsley

Originally posted by Victor
You'll get your just desserts for that one ....

/me bursts out crying.
Your next.

TomTom

we'll get him on the way back

Capt'n Midnight

He should desert his post..

MGM's Lion (Leo by name) was probably the last of the barbary lions native to the area north of the Sahara - that sub-species is now extinct. (bit of background for the next joke)

What do you call a Lion in the desert at Christmas ?

Sandy Claws...

kano476

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
He should desert his post..

MGM's Lion (Leo by name) was probably the last of the barbary lions native to the area north of the Sahara - that sub-species is now extinct. (bit of background for the next joke)

What do you call a Lion in the desert at Christmas ?

Sandy Claws...

tut tut. the mob will get you

thedrowner

can i give some strong contenders:

what do you call a guy with 2 bags? a bi-satchel

muhatma ghandi used to walk barefoot, so he got a lot of callouses on his feet, and because he walked everywhere and servived on little food he was very fragile, and because the food he ate was stuff like berries and nuts he got very bad breath. so muhatma ghandi was a supercallousedfragilemystichexedbyhalitosis


theres also the one about the french foreign legion in the dessert fighting a war, and 2 of the french soldeirs get lost. they travel foir a few days dying of hunger and thirst and eventually one of them sees a group of people running towards him and in his delusional state he points and says: 'Look! a bacon tree' and the other one says 'that is not a bacon tree!is is an 'am bush'

joe.

not funny

StupidLikeAFox

wow, now THATS a signature

Arucard

and in the festive season and all...have you no sense of humanity?! that's HORRIBEL!!!....and apparently so is my spelling...

bp_me

Out of curiosity, what's the worst joke on boards?

elivsvonchiaing

bp_me wrote:

Out of curiosity, what's the worst joke on boards?

Fairly sure we've seen it here! <hands pitchfork>

bp_me

/me accepts pitchfork with evil gleen in eyes.

NeoSlicerZ

*fires up the flame thrower*

StupidLikeAFox

*fires up leaf blower*


ah crap, i knew i picked up the wrong one!

Pugsley

thedrowner wrote:

can i give some strong contenders:

what do you call a guy with 2 bags? a bi-satchel

muhatma ghandi used to walk barefoot, so he got a lot of callouses on his feet, and because he walked everywhere and servived on little food he was very fragile, and because the food he ate was stuff like berries and nuts he got very bad breath. so muhatma ghandi was a supercallousedfragilemystichexedbyhalitosis


theres also the one about the french foreign legion in the dessert fighting a war, and 2 of the french soldeirs get lost. they travel foir a few days dying of hunger and thirst and eventually one of them sees a group of people running towards him and in his delusional state he points and says: 'Look! a bacon tree' and the other one says 'that is not a bacon tree!is is an 'am bush'

You ARE aware you revived a thread that has been dead for over a year?...............

Waltons

I liked the joke....