Age difference

xx

Hmmm, dodgy one this, but I think this guy has his mind made up anyway, no matter whats said here. When I was 21, I was with a 29 year old girl for about 4 months. We were really good friends. Then just two months ago (I'm 25 now), I was with a 32 year old. Its quite subjective really. But one things for sure - do NOT expect guaranteed maturity with a 16-17 year old girl. One of my mates who is 24 is seeing a 17 year old girl, and she is the epitome of dizzy.

Gordon

Guaranteed maturity? Surely the fact that the law states that one is not mature enough under 17 would cement that "maturity".

/me waves the stick of "the law" around a bit*



*with a large trout also.

CuLT

I really don't think this is a *legal* issue, but more of a moral one. Personally, I feel that its just not right.

I would feel ashamed of myself if I were to go out with someone 2-3 years my junior. Granted, I am 18 now, but I still believe I will hold myself to this moral guidline until I reach my mid twenties, at which point I dont believe a gap of 2-3 years will be relevant any longer.

The point is, at 18 most people are hitting the Leaving Cert, at 23 you're nearly out of college, if not already. There is a VAST quantity of experiences that a person will undergo to develop them in the adult world between 18 and 23.
Esentially, someone in their early to mid twenties is picking off girls fresh from secondary school; and lets face it, theres one hell of a difference between college girls and schoolgirls.

And, (I'm really going to piss some people off with this) I believe that if you have to aim that low age-wise that it is a sign of weakness and inability to connect with individuals of the opposite sex in your own age bracket (for the purposes of something more than a platonic relationship).

Typedef

Originally posted by xx
One of my mates who is 24 is seeing a 17 year old girl, and she is the epitome of dizzy.

Case and point mate.

Of course a girl who is seven years younger and under 30ish is going to appear dizzy to a lad's mates, the girl is seven years younger... hello..... Men basically desire sex with younger women and if one of the prices for that is allowing said chick to believe herself so 'mature and advanced' despite her years, what does the man who's primary motive is sex with a young woman care?

Typedef : Hides from all the chicks who have seen/are seeing older men,

Victor

Originally posted by CuLT
I really don't think this is a *legal* issue, but more of a moral one. Personally, I feel that its just not right.

It is [edit] only [/edit] a legal problem if one party is under 17 and having sex.

CuLT

Originally posted by Victor
It is a legal problem if one party is under 17 and having sex.

I direct you to the first post. 18 and 23.

Caesar_Bojangle

according to this great formula i can do my younger sisters friend with the massive bongos.

I'm 18 so with the formula in practice, i can do 16 year olds, luckily to avoid any legal complications she turns 17 in 3 weeks.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by CuLT
I would feel ashamed of myself if I were to go out with someone 2-3 years my junior. Granted, I am 18 now, but I still believe I will hold myself to this moral guidline until I reach my mid twenties, at which point I dont believe a gap of 2-3 years will be relevant any longer.

I can understand having problems with going out with someone 2-3 years your junior, if you’re 18 - It’s illegal, for a start. I think it’s a little nonsensical for you to argue on the subject of your being with younger women given your age. How would you feel about someone 2-3 years your senior?

Originally posted by Typedef
Men basically desire sex with younger women and if one of the prices for that is allowing said chick to believe herself so 'mature and advanced' despite her years, what does the man who's primary motive is sex with a young woman care?

Regardless of age, people seek out sex, or companionship or commitment of financial reward or whatever from their partners. Sometimes it’s an honest equal relationship sometimes it’s not. A man can lie to a woman born on the same day as himself as easily as he can to one born twenty years earlier.

Had you considered the possibility that a young woman might go after an older man for the sex, rather (or as well as) visa versa? Certainly, when I was a lot younger, that’s why I would chase after older women...

Samara

How did this turn into a legal question?? Both parties are over 18!!!

Now feel free to correct me if I'm wrong (Which you will and which I'm not ) but there seems to be a general consensus between a couple of guys that the guy only wants this girl for sex!! Assuming you're right, which you may not be, what makes you think she's not after the same thing?? She's a big girl, maybe she just wants a bit of fun!! I don't know anybody who goes out seeking relationships, it always starts off as a bit of fun and either develops or dies from there!

ToxicPaddy

I have to agree with Samara there...

Anytime ive been single in the past when I end up with someone its for one reason and one reason only, to have some fun... if something develops from it then so be it...

Bont be worrying about the girls intentions or future plans or anything like that until you get to know her.. ya mightened even like her after a few nights out...

Jeez guys Im 28 and very mature for my age, or so Ive been told... yet there are guys a lot younger than me who are a bit too mature for their years.. kick back and live a little, you'll have enough worries in later life so dont add needless worries to your life now..

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Samara
How did this turn into a legal question?? Both parties are over 18!!!

CuLT argued that he woyld never go out with someone 2-3 years his junior. Given he's 18 I would be glad to hear it, were I his barrister.

there seems to be a general consensus between a couple of guys that the guy only wants this girl for sex!!

Typedef is dragging me down to his level :rolleyes:

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Victor
(phew, she turned 18 before I tried anything!).

Even if she was 18, think of the emotional trauma that you have caused her.

:shudder:

CuLT

Corthinian, you have quite a dry wit :rolleyes: , its refreshing . On the point of 2 years my senior, I most likely would give it a shot, but I would have to reckon she should get her priorities straight.

I believe the owness is on the older party to make the judgement call. It may seem a bit of a cop out on the part of the younger, but really, the older should be more responsible.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by CuLT
On the point of 2 years my senior, I most likely would give it a shot, but I would have to reckon she should get her priorities straight.

My point was that you couldn’t really make the same comparison for having a relationship with someone younger yourself, because you’re on the young end of the scale yourself. Reverse the roles, and it’s interesting to note that you’re open to the idea.

I believe the owness is on the older party to make the judgement call. It may seem a bit of a cop out on the part of the younger, but really, the older should be more responsible.

Indeed - a complete cop out. If you can vote, fight for your country, go to prison, marry and start a family at eighteen, should you be absolved of responsibility for your actions in relationships based upon age? As I’ve said repeatedly, once you get over adolescence you don’t as much change as refine with experience. Who you are at 18 will be essentially who you will be at 28 and 58 (although you’ll most likely mellow with age and physically begin to fall apart ).

Typedef’s views, on the other hand, are based upon his own personal preference in older women and distrust for women his own age or younger. Using classic egocentric logic, he expands this view to become a moral or ethical viewpoint rather than the preference, prejudice or fetish that it actually is.

Personally, I’m bi-chronological

CuLT

Originally posted by The Corinthian

Indeed - a complete cop out. If you can vote, fight for your country, go to prison, marry and start a family at eighteen, should you be absolved of responsibility for your actions in relationships based upon age?

Do the majority of 18 year olds have the mental maturity to fight for their country, or start a family? I think not. How then could they be expected to make rational judgements in terms of a relationship with soemone several years their senior? I certainly don't believe I can make that decision rationally.
For want of a better phrase, men are guided by their penis up to the late 20s, after this, the mind tends gets one over on it.
Women strenuosly deny that they are guided by their sexual desires and I would tend to believe them as the Discovery Channel backs up that opinion .

As I’ve said repeatedly, once you get over adolescence you don’t as much change as refine with experience. Who you are at 18 will be essentially who you will be at 28 and 58 (although you’ll most likely mellow with age and physically begin to fall apart ).

I'm sure quite a bit of "refining" takes place during that 5 year gap between 18 and 23. Like a fine wine, sure it's basically the same stuff as was in the bottle 5 years before, but you can tell the difference between it and its younger counterpart.

Kell

Originally posted by CuLT
Do the majority of 18 year olds have the mental maturity to fight for their country, or start a family? I think not.

Largely irrelevent. The fact of the matter is that they can legally do so of their own accord. I think Corinthians point was that if said 18 year old is legally able to fight, vote and start a family then she is theoretically accountable for her choices of relationship.

K-

Scruff

As the saying goes "Yer only as young as the girl \bloke ye feel"

So if yer comfortable with it go for it.
If it turns out she's not as mature as you'd like ye'll know ye just didnt want to be an 18 year old any more.

CuLT

Originally posted by Kell
Largely irrelevent. The fact of the matter is that they can legally do so of their own accord. I think Corinthians point was that if said 18 year old is legally able to fight, vote and start a family then she is theoretically accountable for her choices of relationship.

K-

Do I really need to repeat myself? IT'S A MORAL ISSUE. Law is created by men and thus is flawed. It is made to benefit whatever the opinions of people are at the time. Morality is an inherent trait, one finds it difficult to go against their own morals, laws however, are easy to break.

To draw a ludicrously overexaggerated model for you, Any normal person would feel paedophaelia is immoral as well as illegal, however, the same person might have absolutely no mark on their conscience for obtaining warez though that too is illegal. This is the essential difference in morality and legality.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

erm, moral is a societal thing..not inherant ly human at all. years ago it was considered proper for a girl to be married by 15/16 and to be raising a child or two.. now it ain't

morals have changed as our society has evolved.. *shrug*

The Corinthian

Originally posted by CuLT
Do I really need to repeat myself? IT'S A MORAL ISSUE. Law is created by men and thus is flawed. It is made to benefit whatever the opinions of people are at the time. Morality is an inherent trait, one finds it difficult to go against their own morals, laws however, are easy to break.

Actually, unless you want to start arguing that God™ gave us morality, you would have to accept that it too is a human creation. Morality is no actually inherent, but learned, normally during the formative years - I mean did you think that the interest expressed by religious organizations in running schools was purely to improve their love lives?

If morality were so inherent, why would it often differ so much from culture to culture? Why would suicide be moral in one society and immoral in another? And as Mordeth pointed out, Society’s views on maturity change too.

To draw a ludicrously overexaggerated model for you, Any normal person would feel paedophaelia is immoral as well as illegal, however, the same person might have absolutely no mark on their conscience for obtaining warez though that too is illegal. This is the essential difference in morality and legality.

I see where you’re getting at, but it’s a false parallel. Downloading warez is essentially theft. Software is created through the labour of programmers and the capitalists who risk often everything to get a product to market. And theft is immoral. However, it’s an easy immorality to overlook as it appears to be a victimless one as the perpetrator has a comfortable distance from those he/she steals from.

I have no doubt that to you an older male with a younger female feels wrong, but that’s hardly proof that it is. Young Abdul in a camp on the West Bank may feel that the US is the great Satan, but that doesn’t make that correct either. It just means that’s how he was brought up, as you were.

However, it does point out that indeed it would more often than not, be inadvisable to conduct a relationship with someone who is too young for you, if only because if they have such idiotic notions of the World (and not all do), they’re likely to drive you to murder before long...

Wolf

If you like her and she likes you fine....everything is fine.

If she ahs a problem about how it looks or you have a problem about how it looks then there is a problem...not fine.






#

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End Transgresion

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CuLT

Well, although I do firmly believe in God, I don't really want to bring that into it . Suffice to say I've seen the silly people who try to use religion in their arguements been burned alive because there is no factual basis to their belief.

I admit I was incorrect in my assumption that morals are a trait. I think that the "Society's changing view on maturity" is a pointless addition to the discussion though. It was legal at 16 a few years ago, its legal at 18 today, it could be legal at 21 a few years from now.

Hmm, I thought about your point that it *feels* wrong. Indeed you are accurate in this statement, howver I would put it to you that feelings are what make morals, a general unwritten consensus.
The majority of the people who I have quizzed on this in the past (came up due to a situation very similar to the one in the first post) have thought that it was wrong of the older partner (a guy) to do this.

I'm not presuming that I and my friends are a majority, but I do believe that it could be the view of many others.

smiles

Originally posted by Victor
I've been interested in women anything from 4 years older than me to 11 years younger (phew, she turned 18 before I tried anything!).

em.... you're 39/40 ?

<< Fio >>

smiles

Originally posted by CuLT
On the point of 2 years my senior, I most likely would give it a shot, but I would have to reckon she should get her priorities straight.

Just admit it.... you like seducing older women....

/me wonders if that statement is actually true but sticks to it regardless.

<< Fio >>

Gavin

Originally posted by smiles
em.... you're 39/40 ?

<< Fio >>

*pssst*
39/40 - 11 is 28/29.

Gav

Cake Fiend

A few months ago I probably would have said something along the lines of 'two adults attracted to each other, I don't see a problem, go for it' (in fact I think I have posted something like that to a similar topic a while back).
I'm now just out of a relationship with a 28-year-old (I'm 21) and I think I've learnt a few things about age gaps in relationships. I'm going to be a bit more careful in future.

To be honest this question can't be answered on a bulletin board. It depends on the two individuals involved, there's no black and white answer. If you think you're of about the same social and mental maturity and you could both converse with each other as equal peers, then the physical age difference shouldn't matter. But tbh it's rare enough that you'd meet an 18-year-old on the same level as a 25-year-old in that respect.

Then again, if all either of you are looking for is a bit of craic (no pun intended?) then there shouldn't be a problem as long as all is legal. Although bear in mind that it doesn't always stay as simple as 'a quick fling'.

I'm not sure I'm making a whole lot of sense just at the moment, but that's an accepted part of posting at 5:45am.

CuLT

Originally posted by smiles
Just admit it.... you like seducing older women....

/me wonders if that statement is actually true but sticks to it regardless.

<< Fio >>

Well, if I ever got round to it I'm sure I would , as I said though, the owness is on the older party.
Looking back over what I've posted, nobody seemed to have any sort of retort to this:

And, (I'm really going to piss some people off with this) I believe that if you have to aim that low age-wise that it is a sign of weakness and inability to connect with individuals of the opposite sex in your own age bracket (for the purposes of something more than a platonic relationship).

also,

Originally posted by NeMiSiS
She was 30 ! I was 15,I was in no uncertain terms her plaything ! Then one day I woke up and thought 'man when she was 16 I was 1..when she was 18 I was like 4!" So I sorted myself out wiyth a 19 year old insted..

Enough of my manwhoring stories :P

Do it. Why the **** not ?

NeM

How disturbing is THAT?!

Shinji

Looking back over what I've posted, nobody seemed to have any sort of retort to this:

It wasn't really worth retorting to, was it? It was either flamebait or ignorance, and neither one is really worth much of a response...

The Corinthian

Why do people go for someone much older/younger than themselves?

If its just for fun, then if you’re younger, someone older can be quite an... experience (in the good way). If you’re older, someone younger can be quite refreshing. If you’re in your late twenties or early thirties, you may actually want to avoid women your own age, as they tend to be more likely to look to settle down.

Of course it doesn’t have to be a fling, and some couples get on very well and stay together even though there’s a big gap in age. Maybe this is because the younger party is relatively mature and/or the older party is relatively immature. Maybe it is, as you say, because either or both cannot relate to people their own age. So what? People differ.

It could be an Oedipus/Electra complex too. Again, so what? Whatever floats your boat.

What I’ve found interesting about this thread is that it’s highlighted three groups based upon age/gender, and their viewpoints on the subject:

• Females - Generally in favour or with no/few objections to such relationships.
• Males under 25 - Generally against or with objections to such relationships. [edit](And also generally only with objections to older male - younger female relationships, at that.)[/edit]
• Males over 25 - Generally in favour or with no/few objections to such relationships.

Interesting if you consider that almost all of the objections so far here have come from males under 25 years of age.

As for the 15 year-old guy with the 30 year-old woman, other than being illegal, I probably would have give my right testicle at his age to be in that position, were it not that I would have had need for it. But, that’s just me.

Wolf

One time there was this girl im my college she was 17 and I was 22. She was young to be in college and was very nearly 18. I should also point out we got on extremly well and this girl was one of the best looking girls I have ever seen in my life. All the guys on the night in question were sitting around the table with her on my knee giving me dirty looks. In fact a rumor that I was gay went around because i didnt pull her.

The point is that I just couldnt get arouind the fact the I was 5 years older than her Looking back I messed up badly. But we are still good friends and the thing is if she was 20 and I was 25 no problem. Go figure eh ?