Top Ten . . .

l3rian · 28-04-2003 2:47am #1

Top Ten Signs There's Something Terribly Wrong At McDonald's

10. Your order Filet-o-Fish and the cashier makes the sign of the cross

9. Lowest-priced item on the Dollar Menu is 80 bucks

8. Employees are warming buns in their pants

7. Iraq helped them prepare their 12,000-page nutritional information report

6. Everything is "McXpired"

5. One of your "French fries" is wearing a wedding ring

4. Hans Blix is snooping around the back with a Geiger counter

3. Seconds after you order the McNuggets, you hear frantic squawking from the kitchen

2. A new hamburger is introduced called "The McWidowmaker with Cheese"

1. Happy Meal toy: cigarettes

Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot

10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"

9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up

8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet"

7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap

6. When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"

5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Let's go find that Mars observer!"

4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform

3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh"

2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport

1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"

Top Ten Signs You Bought a Bad Computer

10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.

9. Its celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

8. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.

7. You know them floppy disks? Well this baby's got a floppy keyboard!

6. You type in: "Need comedy bit for talk show"; it prints out: "Stunt doubles."

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

4. Screen frequently freezes and message comes up "Ain't it break -time, Chester?"

3. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"

2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.

1. It cyber-sucks!

Top Ten Signs You're Too Fat

10. Only thing you read: takeout menus

9. You've had a garage door installed in your bedroom

8. Got cable just for the Food Network

7. You skip your son's wedding because you don't want to miss Blimpie's 2-for-1 sale

6. Red Cross changed your blood type from "O" to "Pancake batter"

5. Scientists won a Nobel Prize for measuring your gravitational field

4. Blinking leaves you winded

3. You buy ham by the square foot

2. Southwest Airlines makes you purchase 3 tickets

1. You start every day with a nice, steaming cup of gravy

Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear From a Cab Driver

10. "You don't mind if I swing by my apartment to reload my gun, do you?"

9. "Does the back seat smell like a dead guy?"

8. "You're not a cop, are you?"

7. "If my doctor knew I was driving, he'd be real pissed."

6. "All the empty bottles up here keep rolling under the brake."

5. "You can help yourself to the loose potato chips under the seat."

4. "I'm letting you know up front, any touching is fifty bucks extra."

3. "Mommy let me drive by myself today."

2. "You know it's 4:00 and three couples already had sex back there."

1. "My passengers have a nearly 80% survival rate."

I found the McDonalds top ten very funny, I got them here: http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/

Pugsley · 28-04-2003 6:47am

I like the Fat ones and the computer ones, some real good ones in there

"3. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!""

rofl.

Sarky · 28-04-2003 11:44am

Originally posted by l3rian
Top Ten Signs There's Something Terribly Wrong At McDonald's

3. Seconds after you order the McNuggets, you hear frantic squawking from the kitchen

At least that would imply there's something approaching chicken in them.:D