family guy

GuanYin

Stewie : ...and I know a little something about bad ideas....
<cut to Stewie and famous american sports star at a bar>

Stewie (drunk & slurring): I tell ya Juice....sheeez cheaten on ya..

"Juice": Oh god... (runs out door)

Tusky

1:Do you want some gum ?
2:sure
1:haha that was joke gum - nwo your addicted to heroine !
2: hahaha.....soooo cold

it was mentioned b4 but thats it in full

and lois stop the ****ing spam jesus...

Don1

tusky, don't you mean "Jebus"!!!!!!!

Panda

That part just before the actual show starts, where they sometimes take the pi$$ out of a tv show.
I forget the show and the characters but:

Dad:Jimmy seems to be a little down and out, i think ill make him a sandwich.
Daughter:Oh dad, you think that a sandwich is the solution to everything.(while laughing)

dad runs over and starts hitting his daughter and the mother runs in,

Mother: Hey, HEY, six is enough!

milltown

Sign over the bar in Peter's basement: "Ye Olde Pube"

Tom and Diane on TV covering the parade:
Diane: It's a beautiful day for the parade Tom, are you as excited as I am?
Tom: Are you kidding me? I've got wood!
Tom: And attached to that piece of wood is a piece of paper listing the entries.

Tom on the news when they thought nobody was watching:
"I just plain don't like black people"

loismustdie

lois' snobby aunt: but i was wrong
peter: yeah, and now you're dead - round one to peter

loismustdie

Originally posted by [Iramus]
oh i have got plenty!
Brian: Why dont you buy a car from a car dealer
peter: I once knew a guy who bought a car from a car dealer and ten years later......Bam!....herpes

Some Wierd Guy in the Store: WOW! Lois Griffin! I love you act... Nice melons
Peter: Hey buddy watch it
Lois: Peter I'm holding melons(she's holding two watermelons)
Guy:And her hooters aint bad either
Peter:Now hang on a second there
Lois:Peter! I'm holding hooters (owls)
Guy: Your wifes hot

Peter: Uhh.. mayor West?
Mayor Adam West: How do you know my language?

Stewie:
Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes, it wasn't about the eggs really, frankly I like the yolks, I..I don't..I have no problem, it's, there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me and it's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just that I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself, by god wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual.

[ir]:ninja:

would you have gotton those quotes straight from the internet

Squall

Peter: "Well, I didnt fart till i was 30"
(Flash to Hippy Peter on a beanbag, he farts)
Peter: "What the hell was that!"

(2 guys in the bar in Peters basement looking at a drawing of stewies)
"Awww look its a horsie."

"No your holding it upside down its the flux capacitor for a time machine"

Stewie: "Damn, give that back"


Peters boss after the penis from the Venus dimilo flies in his window

"I shall call you edwardo"


Ahhhh so many classics

loismustdie

chris: guess what word i'm thinking and it's not pussy
meg: is it pussy?
chris: get out of my head........................

loismustdie

peter: lois it doesn't matter if your family don't like me?
lois: that's right because all that matters is that i love you
peter: no because all your ancestors are pimps and whores

loismustdie

we like being alive, we like being alive, we like being a, we like being a, we like being alive
i guess it's their time

Wolf

Originally posted by Squall
(2 guys in the bar in Peters basement looking at a drawing of stewies)
"Awww look its a horsie."

"No your holding it upside down its the flux capacitor for a time machine"

Stewie: "Damn, give that back"

then goes "Damn you all youll rue the day!"

"Well go on start ruing!"

Drazhar

Quagmire walks into a toilet, to find a cheerleader tied up

"Oh YEAH, dear diary......"

Spacedog

Originally posted by sykeirl
Stewie : ...and I know a little something about bad ideas....
<cut to Stewie and famous american sports star at a bar>

Stewie (drunk & slurring): I tell ya Juice....sheeez cheaten on ya..

"Juice": Oh god... (runs out door)

Yeah that rocked, especially since "Juice" is OJ Simpson

Wolf

Quagmire walks into his bedroom and the girl in his bed says "Hey bady I have a question for you?"

Quagmire say" No, Iv got a question for you, what the Hell are you still doing here!"


ROFL!!!!

banbutcher

stewie: I tell you woman sone day your up-ens will come

GuanYin

Originally posted by Spacedog
Yeah that rocked, especially since "Juice" is OJ Simpson

Well duh!

aidan_dunne

Strained look on Stewie's face: "Now I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

Stewie being bathed: "Take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched filthy pervert!"

Stewie to Death: "Hello, I'm Stewie, big fan!"

"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? Come on woman, change my diaper. Chop, chop!"

"I require a window seat and a Happy Meal. And no pickles! God help you if I find pickles!"

Stewie gets some of the best lines, doesn't he?

Dempsey

Originally posted by Ivan
The old classic :

Damn you, damn the broccoli and damn the wright brothers!

** Confusion Mode **

Wasnt it homer that said that?

TomTom

Sorry there dempseyt, it was definatly stewie.
Think it was "I Never Met the Dead Man"

McGintyMcGoo

Tom and Diane having an on-the-air argument......

Tom - "We now going live to where Diane is being a bitch, Diane!"


The best scene by far is where Peter plays the piano! Stewie saying "Ohhh Ohhh play that say walking away song from the incredible hulk" and then walking down the hallway thumbing a lift. Superb!

Can be found here

Big Chief

salesman : can you remember the last time we had rain in rhode island?

peter : i cant remember us having any volcanoes either

salesman : well dont you think its overdue?

peter : touche salesman

was soo trying to remember the rest of it at the start but i cant, its the 'when you wish upon a weinstein' from the 2nd disc of dvd series 2..


Peter : oh my gawd its the frickin breakfast club

Tony the tiger : it was a hard friggin year at the tiger house, old man handed me a carton of smokes, said 'smoke up tony theyyyre GREEEEEEEEEAAAAAT'

^really have to watch that one, had me in absoloute hysterics

Havelock

heavens, you don't so much speak the language as chew it up and spit it out.

The way "My Fair Lady" should have been.

The life of the wife is ended by the knife.
I think shes got it, I think shes got it.
The life of the wife is ended by the knife.
By George shes got
Now what ends her wretched life?
The Knife, the knife.
And where is that bloody knife,
In the wife, the wife.
The life of the wife is ended by the knife.
Bravo Elisa.
The life of the wife is ended by the knife.

Stewie is lord almighty.

Sauron

Peter: now Chris this is how you eat an oreo..u twist the top off , lick the inside and then eat the rest... now you try...
...(chris slams it into his face and falls to the ground)

!!!!!!good one!!!
Peter to meg: oh cheer up honey...you know that pony u wanted when u were six?? well i bought him and i've been saving him for a time like this.. surprise (opens the closet and the pony's skeleton is there....)
"oh god thats right ponies need food don't they... oh god"

TomTom

Brian"She's a whiney little runt ain't she"
Lois stares
Brian"What, I said runt"

loismustdie

oh yeah - "for every pickle i find, i shall kill you..."

Originally posted by aidan_dunne
Strained look on Stewie's face: "Now I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

Stewie being bathed: "Take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched filthy pervert!"

Stewie to Death: "Hello, I'm Stewie, big fan!"

"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? Come on woman, change my diaper. Chop, chop!"

"I require a window seat and a Happy Meal. And no pickles! God help you if I find pickles!"

Stewie gets some of the best lines, doesn't he?

loismustdie

Originally posted by dempseyt
** Confusion Mode **

Wasnt it homer that said that?

appauled by you!!! have you learnt nothing this year in college - go home and study now, i reccomend series 1 of family guy

Sauron

Hey loismustdie........ it's "for every sprinkle i find, i shall kill you"
not every pickle... just to point it out:rolleyes: :ninja:

Kwizatz Anorak

The one where Peter has to go to court for welfare fraud after he gets about 300,000 dollars a week on welfare.

In the courtroom, he's getting sentanced
Peter "Oh no"
Lois "Oh No"
everyone else "Oh No!"

Then a big glass of raspberry juice crashes through the courtroom wall and shouts "OH YEAH!!!", looks around for a second, realises the mood and just slinks back out through the hole it made.

It was the first episode I ever saw and then I realised that this was the series for me.

Stewie is just the best though....

Dar

Brian: You just came back from thai land, where you paid to have sex with two women.

Quagmire: oh yea!

Brian: ........ and a man

Quagmire: a man, what, oh god, oh god no



A boats just a boat, but the box could be anything!!!
Peter....
We'll take the box!


Louis you know im always screwing up - remember the time i took the mystery box instead of the boat?

A boats just a boat, but the box could be anything!!!
Peter....
We'll take the box!




Wardeny-type-doctor bird: My god what are you doing - whats your name?

Peter: eh, em, eh (sees a pea) peee (sees a tear) teeeer (sees a gryphon flying by gyrphon - thats right peter gryphon. Ah crap