Friendship problem

hoeman_dan

OK I'm having a slightly bizarre 'soap' style problem here:

One of my friends has recently started going out with the mother of one of my other friends (who is about 15 or 20 years older than us). Although I naturally raised an eyebrow at first, and unsurprisingly my two friends fell out completel over it, I didn't consider that it would affect me.

However, I inadvertently ended up spending a day with the new couple last week and my other friend (the son) has now issued me with an ultimatum that I must either sever all contact with the other guy, or stop being friends with him. I don't really know what to do!

Cheers,
Dan.

Lemming

Originally posted by hoeman_dan

However, I inadvertently ended up spending a day with the new couple last week and my other friend (the son) has now issued me with an ultimatum that I must either sever all contact with the other guy, or stop being friends with him. I don't really know what to do!

No friend should ever put you in such a position.

Tell mr. "Do what I say" to f*ck off, then tell the other lad that he's put you in a very awkward position and then leave him to his devices and hang out with some other friends instead.

But I'd take a very dim view of your "friend" making demands like that.

Wook

agreed with lemming , i wouldn't call this a friend.
and would indeed tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

Gaz

Does he have a sister ? That would really push him over the edge

seamus

Yep, tell the demanding friend to f*ck off. Anyone who tries to orchestrate a 'everyone boycott Mr. X' team is no friend. Next he'll be asking you to tell all your friends to ignore him too.

This guy is going out with another friend's mother. At the end of the day, it's not much different to going out with his sister (e.g What if his sister was 20 years older than yis, would it be such a big deal then?). He hasn't exactly hurt his friend (e.g. like if he had been with the friend's gf or something), and is obviously so confident about the relationship that he was willing to sacrifice his friendship with the other guy over it. So leave it be. It's none of your business.

Hatchie

Your friend that told you to choose, is obiviously not coping with the relationship his mother and your other friend now have. I'd be freaked too as I suspect he is.
thats why he told you to choose, cos to him it probably seems you endorse this relationship, where as he clearly does not.
At the moment its the only action open to him and his reaction / demand is quite natural.
He is directing anger towards you where as he really should be talking to his mother.
Plus the other friend having the relationship should have consulted all parties and made sure everyone was comfortable due to the nature of friends and mothers etc as its not a straight forward one. So he has put you in an arkward position and should be him trying to mend bridges

hoeman_dan

Yeah, I agree that he is being completely unreasonable about it, but both the parties have been good friends of mine for over seven years now, with this being the first time an issue like this has come up.

I'm extremely reluctant to lose my friendship with either of them so I wonder if I should tell the son I have chosen to stay friends with him but then covertly see the other guy when he's not with his 'girlfriend'? It's risky, but it's possible the whole thing will blow over eventually anyway...

tribble

Does he have a sister ? That would really push him over the edge

a man who thinks like myself

100% pure evil genius(tm)

tribble

Wolf

I understand that opinion of tell im to get lost, but, at the end of the day it his fuccking mother ffs!!!

You have to say to your friend that he cant make demands of you like that. Explain to him that whats going on with his mother and your mate is none of your bussiness and you would rather it stayed that way.

Explain to him that you are going to stay friends with everyone and ignore all the bullsh!te. With any luck he will understand that you havent done anything wrong and will come round.

thedrowner

Originally posted by Hatchie
Your friend that told you to choose, is obiviously not coping with the relationship his mother and your other friend now have. I'd be freaked too as I suspect he is.
thats why he told you to choose, cos to him it probably seems you endorse this relationship, where as he clearly does not.
At the moment its the only action open to him and his reaction / demand is quite natural.
He is directing anger towards you where as he really should be talking to his mother.
Plus the other friend having the relationship should have consulted all parties and made sure everyone was comfortable due to the nature of friends and mothers etc as its not a straight forward one. So he has put you in an arkward position and should be him trying to mend bridges

completely agree. you have to be careful. there's no point telling the son to f off as he doesnt deserve it he's just very hurt and upset at the moment. but do explain to him the predicament you've been put in, and you can't very well ask to other guy to stop going out with her just because it puts u in a bad position, so you'll have to ask the son to try and come round, at least to the idea of you staying friends anyway.

Typedef

Originally posted by hoeman_dan

However, I inadvertently ended up spending a day with the new couple last week and my other friend (the son) has now issued me with an ultimatum that I must either sever all contact with the other guy, or stop being friends with him. I don't really know what to do!

Cheers,
Dan.

Hmm, whatever you do, don't let that twat tell you what to do... no matter if you agree with his mother or not.

To boil his attitude down to an interesting allegorical allusion:

"It's my ball and I don't want to play anymore".

Oh really?.... Well... don't let the door hit your ass on the way out mate... join the rest of the human race... the only life you 'control' is 'your own'.....

simon_partridge

I think the only thing you can do if you really want to stay friends with both of them is to attempt to woo the mother from your friend for yourself.

That way she is no longer going out with your friend as she is now going out with you.

After that you can dump her at your leisure, and hey presto you're back to the situation that was in place before the whole mess started.

Victor

Yeah, I'd go with what most people are saying. You need to show your friend that you are still friends with each of them and that any problems between them need to be solved by them. Is it necessary to get a neutral party to mediate?

hoeman_dan

Originally posted by Victor
Yeah, I'd go with what most people are saying. You need to show your friend that you are still friends with each of them and that any problems between them need to be solved by them. Is it necessary to get a neutral party to mediate?

I'm not sure it would help in this instance - I tried sugesting a compromise this morning, but the son is adamant that sitting on the fence simply isn't an option. His line is that we should have stopped being friends with the other guy ages ago because he's done several somewhat dodgy things over the years - one time he 'jokingly' pointed a gun at another member of the group - and that there's every chance it may be me that gets shafted next.

koneko

Sounds like playground antics to me. I don't want to play with you anymore if you want to play with Mikey cos he's a poopoo-head.

Is he still on speaking terms with his mother? From the last post you made (about the gun??), is it that he might be concerned about her? Sounds like a bit of a fvcked up thing to do (the pointing of gun etc etc), but if you're hanging out with him and his woman (the mother) then surely he can't be a bad guy?

hoeman_dan

I'm not sure that he's worried about her as such, although the guy did treat his previous girlfriend like dirt so there may be an element of that. The pointing of the gun was only dangerous insofar as an accident may have happened (I'm told it could only fire 'blanks' but I don't really understand these things) - he never had any intention of firing it.

Most of the time he's an easy guy to get along with, it's just occasionally he does these things which hurt people, possibly without even realising it, because he has a slightly warped view of what the world is actually like. My mother reckoned he was a bad influence on me years ago but I chose to ignore that at the time. Maybe looking at it now she was right though...

seamus

Originally posted by hoeman_dan
I'm not sure that he's worried about her as such, although the guy did treat his previous girlfriend like dirt so there may be an element of that.

I'm pretty sure the mother is no longer a fragile little teenager, uninitiated in the ways of the world. She can handle him on any level. Chances are she'll blow him off after she's satisfied her need to have a quick romance with a 'dangerous' young man. Just leave it be. Life has an amazing way of working these things out for itself.

YoungNastyMan

DUDE he's dating your mates MOM. What a D!ck.

Report this so called mother to the ISPCC,
Lets see how long the relationship last when she's behind bars.

On that note.
Do you think it would be dangerous to drop the soap in a female prison ???