No friends

LegacyUser

im hoping you can all help me, im 26 years old, fairly good-looking, slim but ive no friends, i have had a few long term relationships but i have no friends at all, people just dont seem to like me, im engaged to be married and i have no friends to ask to be my bridesmaid all the guests at my wedding are going to be family not one friend my workmates are going to see what a sad case i really am, ive joined clubs etc but noone liked me enough to get friendly i have had a couple of friends in the past but they have never lasted im so lonely sometimes i have no one to go shopping with. hope some of you can help me, do any of you know what i could be doing wrong

imp

Maybe you could tell us a little bit about your personality, what you like to do, how you try to make friends etc.? If you are doing anything wrong then maybe knowing these things would help us help you.

Could it perhaps be paranoia or an inability to trust others on your part?

I think its possible for everyone to have friends. There's always loads of like-minded people in the world, but sometimes it can be hard to find them or recognise them. Keep trying, you will succeed.

You say you have a fiancé, so we can already gather from that that people can indeed like you. I hope you reply so I can try and offer some more specific help... lastly congratulations on the engagement and best wishes for your marriage

iMP }:>

ferdi

what would you do if some completely random individual in a work setting/club/pub where ever started chatting to you? what would your immediate reaction be? answering that question for yourself might be helpful.

also, you are getting married. you fella obviously likes you so you obviously have like-able qualities, therefore that is not the problem. maybe you dont display your good points that only your to-be-husband can see. i'm pretty sure there are courses people in business go to that help make you more approchable etc. maybe look into that. by the way have you talked to you man about this???

good luck and remember, things usually sort themselves out.

ferdi

LegacyUser

my personality: okay im very shy, i embarrass easily, i am religious, friendly, i think im just like other people when it comes to meeting new people i dont go up and say hi im such and such i try and relax they always talk back to me but as soon as i leave thats it theyll either ignore me or start s******ing and laughing at me. i know a few people but they wouldnt be friends and its the older people like mums etc that think im lovely maybe thats where i go wrong. im at the point now where i couldnt be bothered becuase all i get is tow face bitches that wont give me a chance and fellas that take the p*&^

HarryD

I always say hi to people (I recognise), no matter how
little I know them.
They might be w***kers or nice people.
If they say hi back all good.
If they don't it's their problem..
And it really is..

Sometimes "Hi" progresses to smalltalk ..etc
I've got to know several lovely people this way.

The fact that ur engaged is great..
There are so many people that would love to be loved.

HD

LegacyUser

i dont want ot come across as a moaner i know i am so lucky to have my fiancee but there are some thoings i would like to do with friends i see girls/women in town going shopping ot just having a coffee and i am so jealous i could cry i just want that althjouh if i had a choice of my fiancee or friends i have to be honest and say i wouldnt swap him for the world thank you for helping me so far guys

imp

OK here goes...

It seems to me that your biggest problem is that people rip the p1ss, and (perhaps) insult you and take jokes too far and so forth. Now, speaking from experience, people usually do that to people they like aswell as the ones that they don't. I've found that in the past people who react to these kinds of things are the ones who'll get it again and again, whereas those who just ignore it or take it in their stride are generally left alone by-and-large. It seems to be that these people thrive on the reaction they get, rather than the act of insulting. Also a lot of slagging/insulting etc. can be intended as friendly jibe but not received that way. Its important that you let people know if they've hurt you. Try not to be angry or spiteful, just take them aside and in a serious tone-of-voice ask them to stop or tone it down. As for the two-faced thing, unfortunately a lot of people are like that. I think its not so much a case of finding someone who's never done something like that and never will, but more finding someone who has learnt or will learn from the mistake. Again, if people fu<k around with you, talk to them, and try not to be too p1ssed off at the time, try to work it out, and they'll usually put in the effort aswell. Unfortunately, I think sometimes people have to see the consequences of bad things before they'll learn not to do them.

I hope this little bit's been a help, I'll keep an eye on the thread and try to post some more if I can, and PM me if you like.

}:>

Caffine

iv been (and tbh still am) in a similar situation,
most of the time i know ppl are ripping the piss out of me (iv long hair, wear baddys and a tshirt most of the time so ppl think im odd )

very very few ppl take the time to get to know, but im grateful to those who have and they mean the world to me

best thing to do is to go out, meet new ppl, theres bound to be ppl that like you, might not bee many at first but id take a hadnful of great friends over a million ones that dont care about me

i know this can be hard to do, im strugeling with it atm, but i was at a concert last night (on my own as usual) and it convinced me to try no matter what

iv no idea where your from but if u want to make a new friend, or just talk to someone with the same problem email me

dont think guest can see members emails so mine is [email]snip[/email]

incase your wondering im 19 (a very mature 19 tbh), male and will be starting college next year, year off atm

-edit-original poster can sign up to private message if is the wish.
This isn't an email trade

lordsippa

I used to suffer from the ol' friendless thing (well mostly). But... I dunno. It's all in confidence. If you shy away from people they tend to assume you don't want to talk to them or such, and take offense at it. They'll think you're weird and the like. Thankfully there are some people who actually realise that shy people are the people most worth giving a damn about, but you gotta be willing to let them befriend you.

Also, is there any chance that your social life revolves almost entirely around your fiancee? If that's the case then perhaps you should go out <not in the dating but the girly shopping trip sense> with more people. If invited out to go get a coffee with a few of the lasses say yes. That sort of thing.

My advice - Boards Beer Bash. What's the worst that can happen?
<Cue fire, explosions, and falling metallic cows>

Samson

Originally posted by lonelygal2003
im hoping you can all help me, im 26 years old, fairly good-looking, slim but ive no friends, i have had a few long term relationships but i have no friends at all, people just dont seem to like me

Go to this:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93858
You'll have lots of (drunken) friends afterwards.

fisty

find an irc server.
decent way to meet people.
irc.phishy.net
and irc.xevion.net
have good few irish regulars

deimos

thats a horribal thing to hear, but to be serious, why do you think people don't like you, do you do something to make them jear you, or do you talk funny???, it could be just something so simple.......... did you have freinds in school???, how does your fiancee react to all of this.........?

have u ever considered the possibility that there might be just something commical about the way you go on or alike and it gets over-exagerated and your fiancee does't want to say it to you because he does'nt want to hurt your feelings?


i am 18 male, not too old:(, but if you ever need someone to talk to i am pretty open minded, my e-mail is [email]snip[/email]


-edit-original poster can sign up to private message if is the wish.
This isn't an email trade

HarryD

I had the same problem recently.
I thought it was me been different from the rest.
When I travelled, I realised so much..
The people I left behind, I now realise are smallminded (really)
I can see it so clearly now..

My advice: TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL...
You'll gain alot of invaluable experience..
I did it on my own, and was dreading it,
but met loadsa ppl in the same boat..
These ppl are now my true friends..
Don't be afriad to do it on yer own..

Be who you are..
Don't be someone else, as a front..
You'll eventually meet ppl like you..

I have to say that 60% of ppl I've met
put up a fake front.. just to be cool..
They are so weak.. but yet suceed..
HD

popinfresh

Is the problem that when somebody trys to chat with you, you tell them to fúck off? Then you're just rude It's all in the head. People have to feel comfortable with you before they even talk to you let alone establish a relationship with you. Or maybe it's a case where some1 talks to you and you think "oh sh1t, what am I gonna say? I better act in such a way as to make them like me", and so you act like something you're not and come out looking like an idiot. In this case, the trick is don't try. As long as you come across as being calm and friendly(in a sinceer way) it don't really matter. You see it's not what you say, but how you say it. And please note that if you start thinking "oh sh1t, what am I gonna say" you in a sense panic, and people pick up on this and it makes them feel uncomfortable with you,and in you're case they ease this tension by slagging you, in a way to say to evry1 else I don't want to be associated with her. By nature people like to associate themselves with sinceer (not trying to be something ur not<they can pick up on this>people) The fact that ppl take the p1ss outta you and get away with it suggesrs that you are mentally weaker than them, which is a result of being insinceer. PM me if you reeealy want, I'm thinking of becoming a physcaiatrist

the Guru

I agree with samson go to the Boards Beer in the White horse

ButcherOfNog

perhaps this is quite simple, perhaps you are not easy to like? you need to talk to someone who'll be completely honest to you about this. pick someone who doesn't like you and ask them why, tell them to tell you all the gory details. then go see a shrink and tell them.

actually just come to the boards beer, there maybe nothing at all wrong with you it mau just be the people you target to try and be friends with

Wolf

Originally posted by lonelygal2003
i am religious

I dont want to be nasty but the Scare-O-Meter hit 9.8 right here when I read this tho.

TBH the way you just described yourself suggest to me that you are one of those very nice people, who doesnt have anything bad to say about anyone, your well behaved, quite reculsive, generally very inofensive and have "found" god.

Im really sorry if im off the mark here but if that sounded like you then basicaly the problem is that alot of people probably reffer to you somewhere along the lines of Bible basher etc People like someone with a bit of bite, a bit of grrrr... if you will. The problem sounds like you are maybe a bit to nice and a bit to soft.

Its not nice that we live in a society where people that are overly good and nice are less popular than the idiot trearaways, but, there you go.

Remember that this isnt a fault in you, it just that the big loud funny people that do mad things will nearly always be the most popular people even if perhaps they dont deserve it. You on the other hand are probably absolutly lovely but basicly your personality is the oppiste of what is considered popular (ie quieter mnore reserved less likely to do somin mad).

But hey come along to the white horse we'll all very differnt and you wont be judged and you deffo make some mates. Best of luck to you

Victor

Say "hi" to the people in the local shop, the people at work, in your neighbourhood, etc., it breaks the ice and could lead to small talk and eventual friendship.

Try to organise a girly thing at work related to the wedding, say take them to check out your gift list or such like. Then do the same thing with sisters / cousins. It can be a bonding moment.

Even if there is "only" 30 people at a wedding no one will be able to work out who is a personal friend and who isn't. They won't be able to ask everyone as to their exact relationship.

Given that you are religious, are you involved in any local organisations where you could make friends?

Use a cousin / workmates for bridesmaids. Remember your husband is for life, bridesmaids are for a day. Get as many or as few as you want. It will make their day also.

Trojan

Originally posted by Samson
Go to this:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93858
You'll have lots of (drunken) friends afterwards.

Samson's right, come along to this for the craic. I think you need more confidence in talking to people, and be a bit more thick-skinned.

Al.

LegacyUser

Yes i am a nice person, well behaved and the only reason i am reclusive is because i cant make friends with anyone, i do have bad things to say about people and i tend to keep my religious beliefs to myself i dont mouth them to everyone i am NOT a bible basher. i am soft and but i dont take any s*^%e of anyone either ill let rip if someone gets to me, maybe your opinion of me has changed now????

uberwolf

how did you meet ur fiance? what was diff about him?

Victor

Originally posted by lonelygal2003
i do have bad things to say about people

Did I read this correctly?

Praetorian

From personal experience Boards.ie is a good place to make friends. Most of the people are intelligent and friendly.

You should try your best to go to the Boards beers. Sure you'll notice a few weirdo's (most of the moderators) but you'll definitely make friends, 100% guaranteed!

I'm so annoyed i can't go this time The last time was great craic

Mac daddy

i'm the same as, maybe not relgious, i takes me a long time before i trust somebody, and start going out to things, because it is because i'm very shy to.i have a girlfiend for the last three years, the first yesar that we were with each other i lost all my friends they had there own thing to do, i started a new job had to make new friends, they were always going out for drinks, always keept on asking me to go out with them and i did the best thing i ever did, i remeber sitting at home with my girlfriend wishing i had someone else to go out with, at the weekends instead of going out with the girlfriend the whole time.
Just be nice to people, say the odd HI to people in worjk in the area of were you live, and with time you will start to make friends that is how i did it.
Good luck in the future with your marriage
And go to the boards night you might aswell, you ight even make some friends on the night

Caesar_Bojangle

excuse my incompetence but i could not be arsed to trudge through all the replys.

religious

Sometimes religious people can be really overbearing and force you to not talk to them due to their incessant preaching or if you're one of them 'witnessing'.

If you go out expecting to make friends, you wont as you'll come across as outre so tone it down.

You're shy, so concentrate on the person you are talking to and forget about yourself and what they're thinking about you at the precise moment.

Trust me i'm a cynic

Saruman

When you say you have no firends, what do you mean??? For instance.. do you socialise with people from work? Even if its only in work and not out of work? I would classify people i socialise with in work and not out of work, or rarely... my friends.. So you may have some friends but not close and very few at that. Do your Fiancés friends not like you?

Auburn

I know what you mean, to a certain extent.

It's all about self - confidence and how you project yourself (not meaning to sound clichéd). Maybe it relates back to things in your past?? There are lots of courses out there that could help.

Also. it depends on where you are attempting to meet people. Pubs and clubs are generally not the best places to meet sincere people. Try a night class maybe or somewhere where you are likely to meet like-minded people or people who share a common interest.

Originally posted by lonelygal2003
i have had a couple of friends in the past but they have never lasted

Maybe a wedding invitation would be a way to rekindle some old friendships?

Originally posted by HarryD
When I travelled, I realised so much..
The people I left behind, I now realise are smallminded (really)

Totally agree - it's an eye opener, but however, you should do it on your own (without fiancee) if you decide to do it.

PM me if you want someone to talk to

McGinty

Hi, I used to be shy and when I was younger I had no friends. However since then I developed several traits, first of all I learned to enjoy my own company, if you can enjoy your own company, you will never 'need' to have a friend, you may want to have a friend but not need one.

I developed an interest in people, even if some people are annoying, etc. Most people / human nature is fascinating. When I meet people I ask questions, polite ones, for example work / hobbies / views on the news, what was on telly, or anything going on worldwide, and then really listening to the person. I have done this for years now and I have very little trouble making friends, most of the friends I have wouldn't be very close or anything, but I enjoy their company and they enjoy my company. I have a few close friends who are decent, loyal and I can trust, and they can trust me. Be yourself, if you are quiet, then that is your way, if a person can't accept you as you are now, then they are not worth being friends with. The thing with people is that they love to talk about themselves or their views, I don't mean this in a bad way, but we all like to talk that is related to the self, be it our jokes, our opinions etc. Be a good listener and you will have acres of friends, plus you get to know them well.

Also you may decided to be loud or mad, etc to be in with the popular people but you may feel like a fraud, or the friendship will feel meaningless. Be true to yourself and to those you meet.

A good way to meet friends and build a social circle is night classes, aerobics class, the gym, through your church or similar church, maybe get involved with voluntary work, is there some cause you are passionate about, you could join that, and that will provide plenty to talk about as there is common ground.

Even at a bus stop / train stop / the shops and so forth just practise saying hi, it is not easy at first but over time you will gain confidence. Good luck.

Caesar_Bojangle

A good way to meet friends and build a social circle is night classes, aerobics class, the gym, through your church or similar church, maybe get involved with voluntary work, is there some cause you are passionate about, you could join that, and that will provide plenty to talk about as there is common ground.

I detest those guys/girls who start yapping away to you at the gym. I dont know you, why must you talk to me. I dont care how fast you can run.

Trojan

Originally posted by Auburn
Pubs and clubs are generally not the best places to meet sincere people.

Yeah, I'm afraid there's going to be about 70 insincere boardsters in the pub on the 31st

Al.

WhiteWashMan

the meek shall inherit... nothing.

talk to work/college/school colleagues.
talk to people you meet at parties, sports clubs etc.

you sound like either of two things.
1) you are a not nice person and people just dont want anything to do with you. in that case youre on yourown to be honest,

or

2) you just dont make enough of an effort to talk to people