A phew funnys

Jaeger

Daddy's Girl

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent
his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at
two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two
spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she
asked.

"That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little
girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy
longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her
foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having
THAT sort of **** in our garden."


How to get out of a ticket - Gotta try this

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th Drink
Driving conviction.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's
card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes officer. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called for armed
backup. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector
approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Inspector: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the
car.
Inspector: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a
gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing
in the glove box.
Inspector: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a
body in it.
Driver: No problem. Boot is opened; no body.
Inspector: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove
box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too :rolleyes:

Pugsley

hehe, their both pretty old, 2nd ones superb tho

hells angels

somehow i have a funny feelin that could work if you had the balls to go through with it!!! very good though.:D

nanook

but who has the cuhunaaas to go through with it. Still a good un.

Sauron

the second one is the best

Detonated Sauce

Heard the second one before but I thought the first one was class.

Mr.Man

Ok ok.... "Ther were these two sausages in a frying pan. One sausage turns to the other and says: 'Whoa!! Its getting hot in here!!' The other sausage goes: 'Ahh!!!! A talking sausage!!!!!!'

Ha ha ha, he he he!! Oh god i crack myself up!!!

bozzie

well done mr man you excel yourself again

btw love the second joke