gay kids

solice

before christmas last year i told my parents that i am gay, my father took it really well, my mother didnt. she is ok about it but i cant help thinking that she is a little ashamed of me.

i want to know what the parent perspective is on it. how would you (all ppl out there who are parents) react if your son and daughter told you that they are gay. and why would you react in that way.

Nevyn

maybe you mom was hoping for a nice daughter in law in the future and grand kids give her a bit of time.

Personally I would have no problems if either of my two where to grow up to prefer persons of thier own gender. Just as long as they were responsible, safe and happy. ok if they both turned out to be I may be a bit miffed about the lack of grandkids but that is something i'm notlikely to want until like 30 years time.

oh and Congratulations

solice

i dont think its the grand children thing, im the youngest of four sons. its been 6 months since i told them now and i would think that she would be ok with it by now.

is it disappointing to a parent to have a gay child

Mac daddy

I have a little girl, and if she told me that she is a lesbian, fine i will have to deal with it, if that is what she what as long as she is happy i would be fine with that.

MarVeL

I would hope that I would react in a positive and supportive way but, as with many other important things in life, I don't think you can say until the event occurs. Intellectually I can see how I would like to react but emotionally you never can tell. Having said that I would hope it wouldn't come as a total surprise as that would indincate a degree of obliviousness even I wouldn't be happy with.

BTW Macdaddy interesting sig for the thread :-)

Nevyn

Well maybe they are unsure as to how ur announcement will effect thier lives and not sure what will be expected of the ( well besdies loving you ). I dont know of one but i am sure there has to be a pamplett that say so ur child is gay..... or a parenting support group that might help.

Shilo

Our 18 month old sprog is currently deeply interested in handbags, hairbrushes and the contents of my make up bag so who's to say what the future might hold for him?! His daddy came home the other morning to find us watching a Barbra Sreisand movie to boot so that generated some comment.

Seriously though, I think it boils down to this. I look at the world around me and my family and I think of all the things that could hurt my babies. There are things in life that are hard enough to deal with when you're straight, without dealing with other people's possible prejudice against your sexuality. Logically speaking, I know I can only protect my children for so long and then they have to make their own way in the world, just like everyone else. Emotionally speaking, I still would want to take a baseball bat to anyone who might harm them or cause them to feel in any way unworthy of their place in the world.

If either of my children turn out to be gay (assuming Sprog2 would just hurry up and be born - s/he's a week overdue as it is!) I don't think I'd have any problem with it. As has been already said, I hope I wouldn't've been blind enough to completely miss it all along. I hope I would be sensitive enough to pick up on what my chilld wanted from me in that situation but I can't forsee that I would, or ever could, love them any less because of it. Their happiness and safety should and would always be my first concern, no matter what the issue was.

As for the whole issue with grandchildren, I have a difficult time understanding the big deal about it. Like it or lump it, our children have their own lives to lead and personally, I think it's always dangerous to make assumptions about what they will do with their lives at any given time. In that case, a gay child doesn't disappoint his/her parents - they already set themselves up to be disappointed by planning out their childrens lives for them. It's just asking for trouble!

In any case, I hope that in time you will feel a little more comfortable with your mother and her reaction. Time can sort out a lot of problems - good luck with it all!

Talliesin

Originally posted by Thaed
I dont know of one but i am sure there has to be a pamplett that say so ur child is gay..... or a parenting support group that might help.

Parents Support is a group that is contactable through Gay Switchboard Dublin. The also publish a leaflet just like you describe (or they did in my gay community activist days, I'm sure they still do).

Em, you can probably guess my answer to the question of how I'd react if one of my kids came out from the simple fact that I know that

josh40

This is not as simple as it seems. If one of my kids turned out to br gay, I'll be very honest with you I'd be very upset. Not because I'm anti -gay but because I think life would be much harder for them and there's a lot of blind prejudice around.

I'm a teacher and I see on a daily basis how much harder it is for gay teens and to be honest sometimes it breaks my heart, and they are not my own kids.

I admire your honesty, it must have been very hard to tell your parents and the fact that you did, shows that you have a good strong relationship. Give them ime, it is a lot to deal with it, but I'm sure they will learn to live with it.

I'd learn to live with it, because I love my kids and I really want them to be happy and free to make their own choices, even if those are not the choices I'd make.

Very few parents would take this well, not because they don't love their kids but because they want to protect them from all kinds of pain, including , unfortunately , a great deal of prejudice .

Beruthiel

is it disappointing to a parent to have a gay child

to answer this question
no, I'd have no problem with my daughter being gay
I just want her to be happy