Amusing film observations

Mr_Roger_Bongos

This would have been posted a half hour earlier.
I went to do some reasearch in Pauls Dead Journal ( a great read)
and spent half an hour searching for a post he made about funny film observations. Needless to say i didnt find it.

ANyway;

Observations;

1) No one EVER meets anyone at Piers 1 - 20. Pier 47 on the other hand is just a giant orgy meeting place for secret meetings and deals. Piers 1 thru 20 are just rejected piers.

2) Every white cop is always accompanied by a black cop/civilian/convict. The black man always makes jokes about himself, black people or his background e.g."We was so poor we used to lick stamps for dinner" or "I knew i shouldnt have helped no white man......BEEHATCH!"

3) In bond films theres always one murder attempt on bond, slosely followed by a fight scene or chase. Plus they never get him in the impossible situations giant lasers etc.

4)Evil people are german or english.

5)America won world war 2 single handedly

6)Guards always move away from the hero at the right time. Either that or they turn theyre backs for a conviennient judo chop.

7) Cars are always left with keys in them

8) The nice guy always dies

9) Training is never undertaken anywhere low key, nor any where that isnt visually beautiful. E.g. karate kid, van damme films etc.

10) White cops are always begrugged into doing their jobs

11) Black men are always close to retirement

Thats about the height of it for now. Im sure you people will coem up with some more. Oh and so as to link this to north boards.......... These films...... all have ... to errr. be made locally... and if theyre not! thats terrible.

(Johnny oran and dan knwo where u live. And i knwo where merc lives so GRRRRR. Please dont retaliate :eek:

Sorry for the bad spelling. Its got worst with studying french.

dudeRancher

12) When in close melee combat, each combatant will wait patiently for their crack at the hero. Never will they mob him all at once unless it is imperitive that he gets caught, in which case he'll kill them all later.

13) Heat seeking missles will home in on the guy smoking a cigarette at the other end of the room before they'll turn back on the two idiots that fired it.

14) No cops, ever, under any circumstances, receive decent firearms training.

15) The leading female is always hot.

16) Female action heros can run, jump, kick and do acrobatics, all while wearing high heeled shoes.

17) No heroes are ever called Quentin or Julian.

superconor

18) after a pile-up, one wheel always inexplicably rolls away, unscathed.

19) vehicles always burst into flames when contact with another object is made.

20) the chief of police is black. ALWAYS!

pauldeehan

Well here's some of the observations you were talking about...

1. Two bullets from a 9mm is more than enough to explode a car.
2. Reloading is a novelty, you don’t actually need new clips.
3. Every clip holds 5,900,356,003 bullets.
4. The timer of a bomb must have reached 00:01 before it can be disarmed.
5. Cut the black wire you idiots. It’s never the red wire.
6. Anything will set off an explosion. Anything.
7. Witty one liners MUST be used at all times.
8. If a terminator is sent back from the future to kill someone it will not cause a paradox, whereby the person is killed and thus there is no need to send the terminator back, thereby the person lives and thus the terminator goes back and kills him and so on…
9. Using two guns at once will not affect your aim.
10. If you throw a German from a high-rise building he’s likely to have brother.
11. Buses travelling over 50 mph can easily jump unfinished bridges.
12. Smashing a car window with your bare hand is a painless procedure.
13. Bad guys tend to make things personal so watch out for family members, partners, friends, etc. (Die Hard, Last Action Hero, Terminator 2, Leon)
14. If the hero is shot it’s- a) okay, cause he’s wearing a bullet proof vest Or b) just a flesh wound.
15. After being saved by a bullet-proof vest people always take it off. Why?
16. Most law enforcement operatives are idiots and the FBI are arrogant dumb asses.
17. If a 73 way Mexican stand-off occurs, everyone is going to die.
18. A police-issue Browning will take down helicopters.
19. Giving the hero back-up is out of the question. Why? It just is.
20. Do not, under any circumstances, say the word “what” around Samuel L Jackson.
21. The hero will generally have an incompetent sidekick who is his complete opposite and annoys the **** out of him.
22. At the end of the film, said sidekick will have earned the hero’s respect. Or earned his respect and died heroically. Either way you still won’t like him.
23. There will be at least one good-looking woman in skimpy clothes. More likely thirty.
24. If someone asks you if you feel lucky, give up. .44 magnums always have one last bullet in the chamber.
25. It is impossible for Arab terrorists armed with automatic bullet spraying sub-machine guns to hit the broadside of a barn. They’d miss the ground when they fall if it weren’t for gravity.
26. It is surprisingly easy to smuggle AK-47s onto planes.
27. No matter what anyone tells you, hacking is NOT cool.
28. Explosions are always VERY, VERY big.
29. SWAT teams never seem to succeed. (Die Hard, The Negotiator, Terminator2)
30. Everyone has guns. Kids, whores, nuns, everyone. (Red Heat, Last Action Hero, Robocop)
31. Kids seem to be magnetically drawn to the area between a sniper and his target. (The Replacement Killers, Face-Off, The Peacemaker)
32. 9/10 cops are “too old for this ****”

Darkillion

i really only have one. in an action movie, the two good guys are running to get away from the bomb and it always explodes with them just about to or have just jumped off the boat/out of the buliding etc. they then get sent 100 yards forward, but land without seriously harming themselves

Manakin

I didnt read any of that big list of stuff cos im too lazy so if this has been posted before the persn who posted it is an asshole cos they should have asked me for permission before posting it but mine is that people who come out of the water or sea etc tend to dry up like super quick. ie they come our after a swim dry eg jinx in the new bond movie.

Mr_Roger_Bongos

IS there an admin command to slap people?

AH anotehr couple;

- Women always have to investigate strange noises, alone, preferably in revealing, tight clothing. Normally after a local spate of female murders.

- The hero must never immobilise the villian witha gun or weapon. Even if they will probably over power the hero in a moment of weakness. NO ONE EVER KNEECAPS. thats what id do. Simple and effective.

On a more serious note, i think disbanding paramilitaries should take security consultant posts on films in hollywood. Theyd be doing something they enjoy, and getting paid for it.

ironbrew

Please give here a wee visit

Clintons Cat

Everyone in the same room will be drinking the same brand of cola or using the same type of laptop/pda

People drink said cola with label facing outwards

Smoking makes you thoughtful especially if something bad has just happened

The bad guy will always reach for a gun at the end of a movie instead of giving himself up,hiring a smart lawyer and suing the police department for wrongful arrest,malicious prosectuion,perjury,harrassement and unlawful destruction of property vis a vie One Helicoptor,One Mansion and A Luxury Yacht.

Being dead is no reason not to make a sequal

Being suspended from police work is not an excuse to go home watch melrose place and eat donuts all day in your underpants

20 something models are physically attracted to grouchy middle aged men who drive battered autos and chase crooks for a living

Drug dealers always carry automatic weapons at all times and will shoot at the slightest opportunity,

Crates provide 100% effective cover for sneaking around in warehouses and 100% effective ballistic protection once the shooting starts.