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Elephant Jokes

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    #62
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do elephants hide in Custard


    They paint their feet yellow and lie upside down


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    #63
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    (ok, i'll bite....)

    But i've never seen an elephant in a bowl of custard!


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    #64
    kano476
    Closed Accounts Posts: 687 ✭✭✭kano476


    Q: why did mark fall off his bike??

    A: because he was a fish.




    BEAT THAT MUTAH**CKER!!!!


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    #65
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Works doesn't it !


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    #66
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Surely you mean a MotorPike with a side Carp


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    #67
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Two in the front,




    .





    Two in the back







    .








    and trunks in the boot . . .


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    #68
    Okie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭Okie


    .........

    *Ba Dum Tish*

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    He was dead!

    Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
    He was tied to the first monkey!

    Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
    He thought it was a game!

    Why did the tree fall over?
    He thought he was a monkey!

    Wocka, wocka, wocka!


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    #69
    kano476
    Closed Accounts Posts: 687 ✭✭✭kano476


    Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
    Surely you mean a MotorPike with a side Carp



    lol clever, very clever. :ninja:


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    #70
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    Originally posted by spandauballet
    (ok, i'll bite....)

    But i've never seen an elephant in a bowl of custard!

    oh come on, do I have to reply to my own joke?
    I say that and the next person says.."Works then, doesn't it!".......

    Ah forget it, I'm wasted on you lot :D


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    #71
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Or perhaps just wasted? It would certainly explain the jokes...

    Which are embarassingly funny, BTW.


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    #72
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    What do you call a fly with no wings?

    A WALK



    Two Irishmen were in Canada and saw a sign Tree fellers wanted.

    The first Irishman said "If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job!"


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    #73
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There is a footprint in the butter.


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    #74
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    How do you shoot a blue elephant?
    With a blue elephant gun!

    How do you shoot a red elephant?
    Strangle him until he turns blue and shoot him with a blue elephant gun!

    How do you shoot a green elephant?
    Tell him dirty jokes until he turns red , then strangle him till he turns blue and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun!





    Why is an elephant large, grey, hairy and wrinkley?

    'Cos if they were small, white, hairless and smooth, it'd be an aspirin


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    #75
    .Fade.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭.Fade.


    ok, so i didnt read all the posts so i hope it hasnt been posted allready.

    Why do elephants have big ears?????



    cos Noddy wont pay thee ransom!!!


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    #76
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There are two footprints in the butter.


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    #77
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A little food goes a long way.

    (sorry if it's a little off topic...)


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    #78
    de5p0i1er
    Registered Users Posts: 2,274 ✭✭✭de5p0i1er


    sorry if it's a little off topic
    I don't mind after all this topic sucks. One bad joke after another what age are you 3, 4, no way you'd find these jokes funny if you were older.


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    #79
    Sposs
    Registered Users Posts: 2,472 ✭✭✭Sposs


    Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
    A little food goes a long way.

    (sorry if it's a little off topic...)

    in the good old days they'd be saying .........Crucify him!!!!

    Now theres a taught!


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    #80
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There are, of course, three footprints in the butter.


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    #81
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Tie a knot in his trunk.

    "doppit - doppit - by dose thurts "


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    #82
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There are, of course, three footprints in the butter.

    Why did did the lettuce blush ?
    Because he saw the salad dressing.


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    #83
    Serbian
    Registered Users Posts: 2,157 ✭✭✭Serbian


    Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
    Why did did the lettuce blush ?
    Because he saw the salad dressing.

    Sorry to get involved...

    Why was the sand wet?
    Because the sea weed.

    How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
    1. Open Door
    2. Insert Elephant
    3. Close Door
    The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
    The elephant, because he was still in the fridge.


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    #84
    phaxx
    Registered Users Posts: 1,842 ✭✭✭phaxx


    How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?

    Take the elephant out.



    How do you get four elepants in a mini?

    One driver, one in the passenger seat, and two in the back.


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    #85
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There's a blue mini parked outside.


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    #86
    passive
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭passive


    oh just die already...


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    #87
    de5p0i1er
    Registered Users Posts: 2,274 ✭✭✭de5p0i1er


    oh just die already...
    The sooner the better. :mad: :mad:


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    #88
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    An inside out elephant.


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    #89
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,785 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What have you got ?


    An elephants undivided attention


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    #90
    Sauron
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭Sauron


    Mommy make him stop:(


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    #91
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    (off topic but ...)
    Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

    So the sheep won't hear the zipper.



    (I too was sceptical initially but its just so liberating when you start telling them)


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