Elephant Jokes

Pugsley · 29-05-2003 10:08pm

oh just die already...

Id love to help you with that one :eek:

disco_rob_funk · 29-05-2003 10:24pm

Originally posted by de5p0i1er
One bad joke after another what age are you 3, 4, no way you'd find these jokes funny if you were older.

Tosspot... nobody said you had to read them.

Most relatively clever people would be able to determine whether or not a thread entitled "Elephant Jokes" would be their sort of humour, and if not, go and do something else and leave people to enjoy their little jokes.

Or have you absolutely nothing better to do?

Keep 'em coming, Cap'n!

RC

Capt'n Midnight · 01-06-2003 4:35pm

Glass Slippers ?

Cinderelephant.

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why didn't Cinderelephant make a good footballer ?

She keept running way from the ball.

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why didn't Cinderelephant make a good footballer ?

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She had a pumpkin as a coach.

Capt'n Midnight · 03-06-2003 7:22pm

how many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

Two

but how did they get in there ?

Pugsley · 03-06-2003 9:42pm

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
how many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

Two

ROFL! brilliant, took a while to click, but its the first funny joke youve posted, one in twenty isnt the worst Ive seen

Okie · 03-06-2003 9:47pm

*Apologies if this has been posted already....*

Why don't elephants ride bikes?

They don't have a thumb to ring the bell!!

:rolleyes:

TUTS · 04-06-2003 12:15pm

What has two legs and bleeds??

Half a dog!

:rolleyes:

TUTS · 04-06-2003 1:12pm

What has two legs and bleeds??

Half a dog!

:rolleyes:

Capt'n Midnight · 04-06-2003 1:36pm

When he saw a herd of elephants galloping towards him ?

"Oh look it's a herd of elephants galloping towards me"

What did he do ?

Found a telephone box - made a trunk call and reversed the charge.

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses galloping towards him ?

Nothing

He didn't recognise them..

What kind of car does Tarzan drive ?

Mazda ..... 323

Capt'n Midnight · 05-06-2003 6:24pm

She was giving it last rites.

Mossy Monk · 06-06-2003 4:19am

keeping with the theme ofreally bad jokes

what's black and blue and sits in a tree?

a crow wearing a denim jacket

as bad as the elephant in the fridge joke

Wolf · 06-06-2003 4:41am

What brown and green and if it fell out a tree and hit you on your head it would kill you?

A snooker table

Tyrrial · 06-06-2003 12:56pm

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
What brown and green and if it fell out a tree and hit you on your head it would kill you?

A snooker table

that's brilliant!!!:D

Capt'n Midnight · 06-06-2003 4:07pm

You can't get down off an elephant !

you have to get down off eider a duck or a drake

Capt'n Midnight · 09-06-2003 1:54pm

He'd have an E on his pajymas

Panda · 09-06-2003 4:51pm

Whats pink and hard?
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A pig with a flick knife!

Capt'n Midnight · 09-06-2003 5:54pm

baby elephants of course.

BTW: there is a "did you know" going around that says elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Ok but what about snakes, slow worms, hippos, giraffes, rhinos, sloths, manatees, tortoises, most of the megafauna killed off at the end of the last ice age, sauropods, crocodillians...

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangeroo ?

Big holes across australia

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangeroo ?

A wooly jumper - with pockets..

Victor · 09-06-2003 7:46pm

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
BTW: there is a "did you know" going around that says elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Ok but what about snakes, slow worms, hippos, giraffes, rhinos, sloths, manatees, tortoises, most of the megafauna killed off at the end of the last ice age, sauropods, crocodillians...

I though it was that they were the only animal that can't run (they can walk at 30 mph though).

Pugsley · 09-06-2003 9:39pm

Originally posted by Victor
I though it was that they were the only animal that can't run

snakes, slow worms, hippos, giraffes, rhinos, sloths, manatees, tortoises

No

Flynn · 10-06-2003 2:26am

Haha... these are classic! must be cuz im only 18??

Abouth the elephants jumping, dunno bout that but i heard htere are the only animals with no knees.. which would explain the no running....

Did You Know?
A pig is the only animal besides human that can get sunburnt...

What did the zero say to the eight?
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Nice belt!

Tyrrial · 10-06-2003 10:39am

a big can't look up. and if a turky looks up when it's raining it'll drown!

Capt'n Midnight · 10-06-2003 10:53am

usually depends on where you left them...

What's the difference between mash potatoes and peanuts ?
You can mash potatoes.

Whats the best way to catch an elephant ?

You need a to be wearing gloves and get someone to throw it to you - gently

Fact - Fish can drown

Where do you find the most fish ?

Between the head and the tail

Capt'n Midnight · 15-06-2003 6:55pm

No elephants

what do you do with a blue elephant?

Cheer him up...

hedgetrimmer · 17-06-2003 5:44pm

What's gray and writes?

A ball-point elephant

On a non-elephant related topic...

What's red and goes phut-phut-phut?

An outboard tomato

And joke sound effects...

2 elephants fall off a cliff --- BOOM BOOM!

2 elephants fall off a cliff, one hits a greenhouse -BOOM BOOM TISSSSHHHHHH!!

Capt'n Midnight · 23-06-2003 6:05pm

Exchange server 2003 and an Elephant ?

There is a better chance of an Elephant flying if you put wings on it...

Capt'n Midnight · 27-06-2003 5:24pm

Once there was a donkey and an elephant sitting on top of a hill, overlooking a meadow of sheep. The elephant said, "I'm going to run down there and screw one of those sheep."
The donkey replied, "No, let's walk down there and screw them all."

not funny really - epecially since us sheep can't do a lot about it...

Why do Democrats have more babies than Republicans?
I've never heard anyone asking for a nice piece of elephant!

huh ?

Ok I suppose political elephant jokes aren't reallly all that funny..

Capt'n Midnight · 02-07-2003 6:18pm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_1665000/1665032.stm

What used to be 6p is now one Euro !

Capt'n Midnight · 02-07-2003 6:19pm

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

Capt'n Midnight · 02-07-2003 6:24pm

10 elephants gate crashed a swimming pool and straight in without paying !

So the life guard immediately jumps into the pool and dives underneath and counts the number of legs so he can divide by four....

But he only gets as far as 36. Why ?

One of the elephants is doing the backstroke

Darklight · 05-07-2003 11:07am

soory, couldn't hear that one

Elephant Jokes

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