Elephant Jokes

entropi

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

anything you like !
he won't hear you

i remember you telling me about certain mammal related jokes not too long ago Capt... wasnt sure how long i'd have to wait on this thread

Capt'n Midnight

Pic - http://member.biodiversity.org.uk/teddy/mammothjoke.gif

Q: Why did the Great Woolly Mammoth cross the road?
A: Because they didn't have chickens in the Ice Age.

Q: What kind of vehicle is big, has shaggy upholstery and a trunk that won't open?
A: A Mammoth-mobile.

Q: What weighs 4 tons and has 16 wheels?
A: A Mammoth on roller skates!

Q: Why do Woolly Mammoths have trunks?
A: Because they'd look pretty silly with glove compartments.

Q: Why were the Mammoths thrown out of the swimming pool?
A: Because they didn't keep their trunks up!

Q: What has four legs and a trunk?
A: Two pygmies going on a holiday!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Mammoth and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over the ice!
A: A woolly jumper, with pockets

Q: What's the difference between a ginger nut biscuit and an elephant
A: An elephant doesn't fall apart when you dunk it your tea.

Q: What's the difference between an injured Elephant and bad weather?
A: One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!

Q: What is the best way to get a wild Woolly Mammoth?
A: Get a tame one - and then really annoy it by telling it Mammoth jokes.

Q: How do you write a school project on a Great Woolly Mammoth?
A: First, you get a really big ladder...

Q: Why do Mammoths wear red toe polish?
A: Sorry, we don't tell baby jokes on this site.

Q: What's got a trunk, ivory, and four legs?
A: An old piano in a tree!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mammoth!
Mammoth who?
Mammoth is sthuck 'cause I'th been eatin' peanuth buther!

Q: What do you call fifty woolly mammoths in the Antartic ?
A: Lost! REALLY lost!

What´s gray and goes around and around? An elephant in a washing machine.

mc nuggets

Dear God my dad tells those jokes well most of them, a few are funny most get tedious after. Still great thread.

strassenwolf

Squash

NikNik

elephantastic thread

the gov

Jokes of this nature should be thrown from a bridge into a deep dark ravine.

What is pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knife.

I luv it:p

Capt'n Midnight

biko wrote:

What does an African Elephant have for lunch?
An hour, like all the other animals!

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe ?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

GLaDOS

Imposter wrote:

I think someone must have got a new book:
"The worst elephant jokes ever... Volume 2"

These are the good ones.

Capt'n Midnight

Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
None of the offspring survived.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber ?
Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.

Capt'n Midnight

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery.

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweller.

"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."



How did the ant knock the elephant unconscious ?
She whispered in his ear , " Darling , I'm pregnant !"



80-year-old Bessie bursts exuberantly into the recreation room. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces: "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and nods, "Close enough!"

Capt'n Midnight

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a whore?

A hooker who costs peanuts & never forgets you.

kaalgat

You're STILL at it?

drunk_monk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rn3vi2kJ48

Mr Magnolia

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?


Half an elephant

Stabshauptmann

More elephant jokes please!

Sparks400

Sparks400 wrote:

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?


Half an elephant

Lmao.

Fantastic.

Mr Magnolia

What's grey and comes in pints?






An elephant

Capt'n Midnight

What do you call a one meter high elephant ?
Trunkated!


Q: What happened when the elephant took a bus?
A: The police made him give it back.


Where is the elephants favourite place to holiday?
Tuscany.


What's a big, grey, 16 wheeler ?
An elephant on roller skates!


What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
Stuck.


When do elephants have 8 feet?
When there are two of them.


What's big, wrinkled and green?
An unripe elephant!

Steoob

man is this like a yearly ocasion for you? when its your birthday do you automatically think "ELEPHANT JOKES!"?

smilingatyou

Being illiterate... Hagar

Steoob

smilingatyou wrote:

Being illiterate... Hagar

dnt you mean rap**?

hullaballoo

No, it's the hip-hop version. Those tusky fcukers can't beat box for shizat.

The Bollox

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery.

"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."

The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

"What's the difference?" asked the jeweller.

"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."

"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

lions and tigers and bears

OH MY!

legendary!

patmac

What do you do if an elephant comes through your window.
Swim

coldfire1x

Greatest thread ever :-D

Capt'n Midnight

What was the elephant doing on the M50 ?
About 7 km/h, Just like everyone else


How do you know if you pass an elephant?
You can't get the toilet seat down.


Q: What's brown comes from an elephant and sounds like a bell?
A: DUNG!

MooseJam

this stuff is gold dust, more elephant jokes please

Capt'n Midnight

Q: How are a plum and an elephant the same?
A: They are both purple…..except for the elephant.

Q: Why do elephants wear green felt hats?
A: so they can sneak across snooker tables.

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
A: Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?

Q: An elephant and a giraffe have a race, who wins?
A: The elephant, the giraffe is in the friger.

Capt'n Midnight

What did Tarzan do when the elephants charged him?

Asked for ten other charges to be taken into consideration......

Capt'n Midnight

What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back of a mini?

Getting an elephant pregnant in the back of a mini.



Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?

A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.




Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
Because the white ones always get dirty.



Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.


How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in its tail.


What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath!


What's grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine!