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The new Priests first day.......

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  • 05-06-2003 4:59pm
    #1
    TUTS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭


    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
    The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
    Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:



    1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


    What does Priest stand for? ..... Pedophile rapist in every small town!


Comments

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    #2
    Sauron
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭Sauron


    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

    absolutley brilliant!
    :ninja: :):D


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    #3
    bozzie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 534 ✭✭✭bozzie


    heard it before
    still one of my fav jokes


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    #4
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    Old as feck:
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

    Is a classic tho :D


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    #5
    de5p0i1er
    Registered Users Posts: 2,274 ✭✭✭de5p0i1er


    Now theres a mass that I'd like to have been at. :D:D


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    #6
    Mac daddy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,942 ✭✭✭Mac daddy


    What does Priest stand for? ..... Pedophile rapist in every small town! [/B][/QUOTE]

    TRUE :ninja:


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    #7
    Tyrrial
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,105 ✭✭✭Tyrrial


    very good!
    When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.


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